It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

[canarywharfs]

So tomorrow is my birthday. I have 2 teenagers 17 and 15. I’m a single mum with no partner, their dad lives at the other side of the country so I have little help from him.

last year, I had a big birthday and neither if my teens put any effort in. My mum bought something for me on their behalf last minute - neither of my teens bothered to say happy birthday to me on the day and I really was quite sad. My daughter wouldn’t even get up out of bed when i asked her too.

This year, I have been reminding them that it’s my birthday (though neither of them need reminding). My daughter said that if I gave her some money, she would go shopping with her fiend and get me something. This hasn’t happened - she did message her friend apparently but she wasn’t free which meant my daughter wouldn’t go shopping - she is independent and down to go places alone.

My son just isn’t bothered about my birthday full stop.

What makes me sad is I put so much effort into their birthdays - especially as their dad doesn’t do much with them. I’ve just got back from taking my daughter away for the weekend - it was a weekend for her and we did everything that she wanted to do. I haven’t even had a thank you.

My son’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I got him tickets to a big upcoming football game as well as plenty of other little gifts.

Im not bothered about gifts at all, there is nothing I need. It’s the zero thought that upsets me. I’ve made no plans and tomorrow will just be a completely normal day which is fine - I just show my kids so much love and give them everything I can. It just hurts to get nothing back. I know they are teenagers and teenagers are selfish but I struggle to relate as that was never me when I was younger. I have always put thought and effort into birthdays for my parents since I can remember and still do now - my children see this.

Just feel a little bit sad. I don’t expect mountains of presents and surprises in the slightest. It would just be nice to feel appreciated.

I am aware that there is spelling mistakes in this but my stupid phone won’t let me correct them so will have to post as is….please tell me if I’m being unreasonable.

Leave them to cry and go out, instead of spending your bday as an unpaid therapist. Leave this convo for another day.

It’s done now. Going shopping to get an outfit for Friday….and just remembered I have an un-used voucher that I need to spend so even better.

Maybe ‘forget’ birthday until the evening.

P.S Son-I-L’ s parents did one year, completely, he had to remind them.

Whatever you do please DO NOT spend your day trying to make them feel better! They should feel bad, they deserve to sit with those bad feelings and think about just how unkind and thoughtless they have been.

I still think you should go out for the afternoon, treat yourself to lunch or whatever you fancy and leave them to sort themselves out.

With regard to your DD and her birthday I would ignore any links to gifts that she sends you and buy her something small. Don't make a fuss on her birthday. if you do she / they will soon forget today ("Mum had a bit of a meltdown on her birthday" will be the narrative) and it will be business as usual next time.

Start putting yourself first, no one else is going to do it for you.

You can reassure her it won't be forgotten @canarywharfs - you'll just be matching her effort, is all! And if that still makes her cry, she needs to think about why sauce for the goose, shouldn't be sauce for the gander...

Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎉

Happy birthday OP! Treat yourself well today ❤

Happy Birthday! 🍾🎂🎉🎈

I hope you have fun at the concert on Friday, and I hope you have a lifetime of fun spending your money and energy on yourself, the more you do for yourself, the more they will do for themselves x

Happy birthday OP! 🥳🎂🎈 Think about what you deserve today and model getting that for your kids.

Just wanted to say happy birthday! I know it is hard, but I think a sharp shock is required. Let them stew and make no promises for your DD birthday. They are old enough to realise that relationships are reciprocal and that they need to give as well as take.

Do not allow them to think that tears give them a free pass to treat their number one cheerleader as a doormat. I am always reminding my kids that apologies are the first step but learning from and trying to change the behaviour they are apologising for in the future is the real apology. (I don’t say it in those specific words though- they’re both still quite young!!!)

Happy birthday.

I'd match both of their efforts. Your daughters birthday and Christmas is coming up. I'd get her cheap asda flowers and a card and see if she likes it. For Christmas maybe a single gift card from Amazon. Maybe they will get it when they feel it.

Happy birthday OP! I would be upset in your situation too. I don’t particularly want a big fuss from people on my birthday, but some sentiment from my kids goes a long way. At 10 and 12 they both make the effort with gifts and cards, bring me breakfast in bed (toast and OJ), nothing extravagant but caring and thoughtful. If I were in your situation, I’d have a chat with them and explain how it makes you feel. It I were you, I’d also plan something for myself for the day, a day out for just me, or a hotel overnight with room service, and I’d treat myself to something too.

Start matching their energy. They sound incredibly selfish.

Happy Birthday Canarywharfs! Hope you have a lovely day!

Happy Birthday @canarywharfs

Unfortunately, your kids are selfish, entitled, and thoughtless.

Match their energy around their birthday, and you'll see how they change their ways.

Happy Birthday. Have a lovely day, buy yourself something nice, when DD sends birthday ideas send back a laughing emoji.
Do not beat yourself up for overcompensating, we’re all just trying our best to smooth the ride for them.
I will say, I was a very selfish teenager, once I got my late 20’s I saw my mother for who she was, someone who always put us first and adored us. It is a priceless feeling.

Happy Birthday @canarywharfs

Happy birthday 🎂

Hope you have the loveliest day and an even better night on Friday ❤️

And good, your kids should feel like shit. You only get one mum and they should cherish you 🩷

Good. They need that. Now hold firm and don’t rely on once off crocodile tears

Happy birthday 🎈 🎂 op
Try to have a nice day
I hope you do have a lovely birthday

Happy Birthday i hope your having a great day 🌺

Just give them the same energy back. They may be teens but that[s no excuse. We always gave cards and presents to our mother on her birthday.

@canarywharfs Happy birthday 💐💐💐

Just to add a happy birthday op, great on the concert for Friday! 🎉🎉

Happy Birthday @canarywharfs

Have a lovely day treating yourself - hopefully as if you were your daughter. Nothing too good for you on your special day.😊