It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

[canarywharfs]

So tomorrow is my birthday. I have 2 teenagers 17 and 15. I’m a single mum with no partner, their dad lives at the other side of the country so I have little help from him.

last year, I had a big birthday and neither if my teens put any effort in. My mum bought something for me on their behalf last minute - neither of my teens bothered to say happy birthday to me on the day and I really was quite sad. My daughter wouldn’t even get up out of bed when i asked her too.

This year, I have been reminding them that it’s my birthday (though neither of them need reminding). My daughter said that if I gave her some money, she would go shopping with her fiend and get me something. This hasn’t happened - she did message her friend apparently but she wasn’t free which meant my daughter wouldn’t go shopping - she is independent and down to go places alone.

My son just isn’t bothered about my birthday full stop.

What makes me sad is I put so much effort into their birthdays - especially as their dad doesn’t do much with them. I’ve just got back from taking my daughter away for the weekend - it was a weekend for her and we did everything that she wanted to do. I haven’t even had a thank you.

My son’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I got him tickets to a big upcoming football game as well as plenty of other little gifts.

Im not bothered about gifts at all, there is nothing I need. It’s the zero thought that upsets me. I’ve made no plans and tomorrow will just be a completely normal day which is fine - I just show my kids so much love and give them everything I can. It just hurts to get nothing back. I know they are teenagers and teenagers are selfish but I struggle to relate as that was never me when I was younger. I have always put thought and effort into birthdays for my parents since I can remember and still do now - my children see this.

Just feel a little bit sad. I don’t expect mountains of presents and surprises in the slightest. It would just be nice to feel appreciated.

I am aware that there is spelling mistakes in this but my stupid phone won’t let me correct them so will have to post as is….please tell me if I’m being unreasonable.

OP, being a parent doesn't just mean showing your kids how much you love them, you're meant to raise them to be well rounded human beings, and sometimes, that means life lessons. You need to stop teaching them you're worthless, and to be self centered little brats, and instead, return this energy on their next birthdays, as well as telling them how hurt and disappointed you are in them for doing nothing for your birthday.

@canarywharfs Happy Birthday 🎂 I hope you go out, do something nice for yourself. Other pps are right, you need to value yourself more.

See this as a life lesson for your kids. Be as kind to yourself as you have been to them.

I'm crossing my fingers that they become aware of how selfish and ungrateful they are, before its too late. 💐

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays!

leave this thread open for them to read.

Happy Birthday.

I understand why you feel let down, but your kids are still young and it’s not their job to organise your birthday or make a big fuss. That part is on us as adults.

Choose something for the evening that you’ll enjoy with them. I recently had a birthday and I had to plan my own birthday too. Otherwise my partner and the kids would’ve just stayed home talking about fishing, or worse taken me fishing.

It’s completely normal to plan your own day and at their age you will need to pay for it too.

Happy birthday. I really hope you have a lovely day.

Happy birthday, OP. Please do something lovely for yourself today. I agree with the PP who said make as much effort for yourself as you do for others - if not more!

@Pherian I understand why you feel let down, but your kids are still young and it’s not their job to organise your birthday or make a big fuss.

All she wants is a hug and a card ffs!

@canarywharfs have a wonderful birthday and just imagine, every one of these posts is a birthday card! You have people all over the world whose first thought today was to message you (including me!). Hold fast, whatever’s under the stairs. You have the chance here to make lasting change. This may yet turn out to have been your best birthday ever! 🎂🎁🎈🥳

Happy birthday! Do whatever it takes to make it a lovely day.

Happy Birthday!!! 👑

Happy birthday, OP! Sending all best wishes your way today 💐

Happy Birthday and have a relaxing day just for yourself 🎂🛀🎉

Happy birthday! 😀
Make your own magic today! Lots of treats and love x

Words fail me.

Happy birthday OP. Hope you will be able to do something nice for yourself.

Yes, but kids don't think about those things and younger people do not do cards. Paper cards are outdated and expensive and bad for the environment. It's basically single use plastic, but paper.

I think part of the point is that these aren't little children. They are teenagers who can think about their friends' birthdays and their father's birthday and make arrangements for those - it's just their poor benighted mum who is overlooked.

Happy Birthday OP!

I hope that you have a wonderful day today.

You definitely deserve it.
🎉💐 xxx

Thank you for the birthday messages ♥️♥️♥️

So Ds has actually been in tears this morning when I spoke to him about lack of thought on my birthday. He feels bad and I do feel it is genuine.

DD knows how I feel and probably won’t leave her bedroom.

Still not sure what to do today but concert tickets are booked for Friday so I’m counting that as my birthday more than today.

I really do appreciate these messages so much. This post has made me feel appreciated and also a huge realisation of where I’ve gone wrong in my parenting.

Not too late for your son to bake you a cake, make you a card, take you out for lunch.

Happy Birthday, @canarywharfs .👑🍸🎂

Happy birthday and enjoy the concert tomorrow. Hopefully your DC are gradually getting the message that you matter as much as they do. x

Happy Birthday @canarywharfs hope you have a lovely day whatever you do and enjoy the concert on Friday! 💐

Happy birthday OP, take some time for yourself today and realise that this is a learning curve for both you and your kids, parenting is a thankless task and teenagers are selfish beasts by nature at some point in their teen years. You can make this a positive turning point and whether or not they respond is down to them and the people they are becoming as their emotional maturity, intelligence and development grows. You haven’t failed as a mum or a parent, it’s a constantly evolving process. Treat yourself today and move forward- your kids love you but I think mums are wallpaper to most kids till they need something. Recognise that that’s not an insult to you, just a milestone they need to reach the same as walking and talking, they still need guidance but you can’t do it for them. Don’t take it personally, get some cake, have a massage and relax for the rest of the day! X

It's not just down to parenting though, is it? I had one like yours and one who's very thoughtful. Stop blaming yourself so much OP.

Happy Birthday

I thought I was get slated for being mean with £25, I'd have no problem cutting it all the way back to £5!

just spoken to dd, she has also cried for the first time in years. That’s both kids crying on my birthday lol. I suspect it’s more because her birthday is coming up and she’s worried that her birthday will be forgotten