It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

[canarywharfs]

So tomorrow is my birthday. I have 2 teenagers 17 and 15. I’m a single mum with no partner, their dad lives at the other side of the country so I have little help from him.

last year, I had a big birthday and neither if my teens put any effort in. My mum bought something for me on their behalf last minute - neither of my teens bothered to say happy birthday to me on the day and I really was quite sad. My daughter wouldn’t even get up out of bed when i asked her too.

This year, I have been reminding them that it’s my birthday (though neither of them need reminding). My daughter said that if I gave her some money, she would go shopping with her fiend and get me something. This hasn’t happened - she did message her friend apparently but she wasn’t free which meant my daughter wouldn’t go shopping - she is independent and down to go places alone.

My son just isn’t bothered about my birthday full stop.

What makes me sad is I put so much effort into their birthdays - especially as their dad doesn’t do much with them. I’ve just got back from taking my daughter away for the weekend - it was a weekend for her and we did everything that she wanted to do. I haven’t even had a thank you.

My son’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I got him tickets to a big upcoming football game as well as plenty of other little gifts.

Im not bothered about gifts at all, there is nothing I need. It’s the zero thought that upsets me. I’ve made no plans and tomorrow will just be a completely normal day which is fine - I just show my kids so much love and give them everything I can. It just hurts to get nothing back. I know they are teenagers and teenagers are selfish but I struggle to relate as that was never me when I was younger. I have always put thought and effort into birthdays for my parents since I can remember and still do now - my children see this.

Just feel a little bit sad. I don’t expect mountains of presents and surprises in the slightest. It would just be nice to feel appreciated.

I am aware that there is spelling mistakes in this but my stupid phone won’t let me correct them so will have to post as is….please tell me if I’m being unreasonable.

Tell them it's hurt you. Just because they are teenagers, why tiptoe around their feelings? Quite happy to hurt yours!

I think this could be a good lesson for them in realising that there are other people besides themselves. I was never this selfish either but I was brought up that way.

Maybe they have been indulged a lot and you haven't shown them enough that you too are a person with needs and wants. Stop crying and tell them you want a day with them to celebrate you! Do what you want for the day. Tell them they get to do it well so do you. Big girl panties on!

Happy birthday op! I’m so glad you’re going to the concert without them. Have a great time.
i would also sit down with dd, and go through my messages from her, and read aloud each request for her birthday and say hmmm, for a 15 year old who remembers her dads birthday but basically refuses to even acknowledge her mums birthday unless someone holds her hand like she’s 3, when her mum is the one who does everything for her? I don’t think so, you’re old enough that this isn’t an ok way to treat someone. Have you sent this to your dad? And repeat for every item requested. At the end say I don’t know where you get the nerve asking for any of this from me after this week. You do realise your mum is a human being. Then walk away.

Happy Birthday OP, I really hope you have a lovely day. I’m so pleased your mum took your daughter shopping.
Try to do something nice, for yourself today. You deserve it. 🎂🎁🎈💐

Tell them how ungrateful and mean they are being and how it makes you feel - how wouldtheh feel if they got nothing for their birthdayand their mum didn't acknowledge them? Lay on the guilt. They haven't had a dad to show them how you should be treated so you will have to show them. I'm sure it isn't because they don't love you. You deserve respect but you need to show them that you do.

Happy birthday.

Kids make the most effort with the least available parent. You live with them, but you can make yourself less emotionally and financially available to them.

Also you can tell them straight exactly what you think of their behaviour and how it makes you feel. My kids dropped the ball on one of my big birthdays and they knew I was upset about it. They made a lot more effort the next time.

Happy Birthday 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 x

Happy birthday Canarywharfs 🥳💐🎂 - enjoy your day - pottering, doing little things that make you happy and have a lovely time at the concert later in the week.

Your teens are selfish arseholes!

I’d tell them (&everyone else in the family!) how you feel & how disgusted you are by their shitty attitudes then I’d fuck off out for the day (& evening if possible) - leave them to fend for themselves - no leaving them pre-prepared meals etc. Then stop letting them behave in this way - time for a reality check & some tough love for them.

Happy birthday! 🎂 🥳 🎉

Happy birthday 🎂

Let today be the start of a new era for you - when you matter just as much as they do 🙂

Have a wonderful day - celebrate YOU all day long 🎂🥳

Happy birthday OP! I hope you have a fabulous time at the concert on Friday.

Happy birthday OP 💐

Happy Birthday OP ,enjoy the day.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday today, OP 🎁🎈🎂, and that your teens make a fuss of you. If they don't, try not to let it spoil your day - treat yourself and look forward to Friday's concert.

Happy birthday 💐

Cheer up and happy birthday. Give your mum
a call, round up the kids and take them for lunch or something, film and a board game or whatever and have a simple decent time together. Something to remember and talk about. No point in going on and being self absorbed and miserable. Are the kids worried about going back to school or college? Make it a good birthday for yourself this year and they’ll hopefully do better next time.

Happy Birthday, OP!

Am I the only one hoping desperately that OPs DC did take all her 'sitting down and talking to them' to heart and have planned something?

You can only 'tell them what you expect' so many times before it starts to come over as bullying, and they are pretty much deaf to entreaties anyway. I hope that they are ageing out of the Main Character syndrome suffered by so many teens and that they pull something out of the hat today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP..... 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊

Are they generally uncaring people? You are there mother! They should at very least bring you a cuppa in bed and say happy birthday with a big cuddle!! seriously pull back from them abit it’s disgraceful to be so unkind to your own mum

happy birthday x

Happy Birthday today @canarywharfsfrom an internet stranger hoping that this thread will make you realise you deserve to be celebrated.

I taught my kids from a young age to notice and appreciate what I did, partly because I deserve appreciation, partly because I wanted them to learn this so that they had good relationships and partly because I didn’t want them to be the selfish brat I was who took their mum for granted.

I don’t think they do learn stuff like this from silent role modeling. They need it clearly spelt out and taught to them.

Happy Birthday OP!

Saw this thread yesterday and just wanted to come back and say Happy Birthday OP 🎊🎂 Hope you manage to get out and do something just for you ⭐

Happy birthday @canarywharfs 🎂 🎁 🎈— hope you have a great day and do something to make it special.