It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

[canarywharfs]

So tomorrow is my birthday. I have 2 teenagers 17 and 15. I’m a single mum with no partner, their dad lives at the other side of the country so I have little help from him.

last year, I had a big birthday and neither if my teens put any effort in. My mum bought something for me on their behalf last minute - neither of my teens bothered to say happy birthday to me on the day and I really was quite sad. My daughter wouldn’t even get up out of bed when i asked her too.

This year, I have been reminding them that it’s my birthday (though neither of them need reminding). My daughter said that if I gave her some money, she would go shopping with her fiend and get me something. This hasn’t happened - she did message her friend apparently but she wasn’t free which meant my daughter wouldn’t go shopping - she is independent and down to go places alone.

My son just isn’t bothered about my birthday full stop.

What makes me sad is I put so much effort into their birthdays - especially as their dad doesn’t do much with them. I’ve just got back from taking my daughter away for the weekend - it was a weekend for her and we did everything that she wanted to do. I haven’t even had a thank you.

My son’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I got him tickets to a big upcoming football game as well as plenty of other little gifts.

Im not bothered about gifts at all, there is nothing I need. It’s the zero thought that upsets me. I’ve made no plans and tomorrow will just be a completely normal day which is fine - I just show my kids so much love and give them everything I can. It just hurts to get nothing back. I know they are teenagers and teenagers are selfish but I struggle to relate as that was never me when I was younger. I have always put thought and effort into birthdays for my parents since I can remember and still do now - my children see this.

Just feel a little bit sad. I don’t expect mountains of presents and surprises in the slightest. It would just be nice to feel appreciated.

I am aware that there is spelling mistakes in this but my stupid phone won’t let me correct them so will have to post as is….please tell me if I’m being unreasonable.

Firstly. happy Birthday!
Second, you need to start meeting them with the same energy. Sell the tickets for the football game and buy yourself some perfume or something lovely. Take yourself to the movies or something. DD’s effort is still bottom of the barrel, but your son is like his Dad here.

Hey, happy birthday tomorrow, OP. I insist my 18yo makes me a present out of toilet rolls and tissue paper in the shape of a specific animal. Every Christmas and birthday. Because she hasn't any money and no one else is gonna buy me a present from her. And the thing is, that means she has to spend time on it and time is her most precious resource. I've had a shedload of imaginative toilet roll gifts.

Good plan! She's so unappreciated.

If any consolation I am in a similar position to you.
dc1 kept asking me what I wanted because she had no idea what I might like. Dc2 completely forgot and when reminded didn’t even run out to get a card.

No, many teenagers are sensitive and kind.

Hey kids, I'm noticing that I put a lot of effort into your birthdays, but I rarely receive anything in return. That was understandable when you were younger but now you're older I notice that I'm starting to feel rather sad and unappreciated, especially when I see you buying gifts for other people and I know how thoughtful you can be. I know I'm your mum and I'm easy to take for granted, but I would love to feel loved and cared for too. Can you repeat back what you've heard me say so that I know that you've understood me?
I'm wondering how we might make birthdays feel more fair in the future so that we all feel loved and appreciated. What do you think?

I think you should either go out for a meal tomorrow, or order a takeaway, and not include your kids. Something that will make them question why they're being left out (maybe harder with your DD as she will have something for you). If they want to share your celebrations they need to show that they're thinking of you and grateful for the care and thought you put into their birthdays.

Happy birthday!

Start doing less for your kids. Honestly they are not that nice. When you get your present say “I’ll ring mum to thank her later” and go treat yourself. Dial back the treats and the birthday presents.

Do it ! Go with your friend and tell your children why it’s not them !

Happy birthday, OP 💐 Do something lovely for yourself this week. You deserve it ♥️

You will be doing them a favour tomorrow by showing them how much you value yourself and consider your birthday worth celebrating. If not with them, then take yourself to the theatre/cinema/shopping. Because you’re worth it!!

happy birthday from me OP!

Teenagers are jerks! They should at the very least acknowledge your birthday, but you shouldn’t be overdoing their birthdays in hopes that they will make a big to do for you in return. Do what I do, buy yourself a big expensive gift and pay for it by doing less for their birthdays.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday! Please do something nice for yourself!!!

and for their next birthdays match their energy and do nothing. They are old enough to learn a lesson

Wise words

Happy birthday 🥳 hope you treat yourself!

And maybe plan to do something special for next year. No need to dread your birthday x

Happy Birthday canarywharfs, may you have a wonderful day!
Go spoil yourself! Hugs

(sorry it’s already turned Tuesday 2nd where I live)

Honestly I think you're expecting from your kids the intimacy you should be seeking from a partner

Happy Birthday for tomorrow🎉🥳💐

I have experienced this with our Son,he has never sent me cards or gifts.

Gifts,I am not bothered about.But a card would mean so much.He is now in his forties,still no cards,he lives abroad.I would love him to send a card.He does send a message to wish me a happy birthday,if he remembers?

Our Daughter remembers,always a card,a gift.
Our grandchildren never send us Cards even though I send Birthday & Christmas cards & money every year.They are now teenagers,so not much chance of things changing.

It use to be painfull to feel undervalued.I have grown a tough skin & accept that these things happen.
People can be thoughtless,it's not my responsibility to change that behaviour!

Wishing you a lovely Birthday ♥️

YANBU and you should definitely treat yourself tomorrow. I think it must be tough if you are a single parent but your kids are teens and they know it is your birthday so if they have not put any effort in maybe you need to stop doing so much for them. I don't mean ignore their birthdays and Christmas but they sound selfish which is not unusual for teenagers but sitting them down and talking calmly to them about how they are making you feel is not unreasonable. Ask them how they would feel if you ignored their birthdays.

I would book myself a nice spa day for tomorrow and just be gone by the time they get up. Leave them a note to say you’re out for the day and will be back at x time so they’ll need to sort themselves out lunch/dinner and don’t answer the phone to them, if they call, just keep sending them to voicemail.

I’d carry on being unavailable for the next week too. Anytime they ask for something, just give them the same teenage, can’t be arsed attitude that they give you. No lifts, dinner, washing, not a single thing (you’re too tired, can’t be bothered, are busy playing a game on your phone). If that doesn’t teach them a lesson, then you need to think about what boundaries to implement permanently.

Next time they ask for anything, just tell them you can't afford cos you spent extra on your birthday for yourself!!

Happy birthday for tomorrow. I hope you have a wonderful day. 💐

Happy birthday for tomorrow. Have a lovely day and treat yourself. Teens today are very selfish

Go out for the day and leave them to it. Stop doing things for them. Let them know what it’s like when no one makes an effort. They sound a tad entitled … it’s very sad to read that they don’t care about you. Big happy birthday for tomorrow x

Happy birthday for tomorrow! I suggest you take yourself out for a brunch and then a film. Maybe grab drink with a friend. Or go somewhere new that the kids would hate. Tomorrow is all about you! X

Happy Birthday @canarywharfs
I hope you have a lovely day today.
Loads of great advice on here so follow it.
Enjoy the concert on Friday.
🍸🥳