To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

I didn't marry in the UK, we secretly eloped 😀

Would 'betrothed' or 'intended' be more acceptable to you than 'fiancé', or is it the affianced part that bothers you?

About 100 years at best. Not routinely used until after WW1 apparently.

Who knows, maybe “holibobs” will be in the next Oxford English Dictionary. 🤣

We didn't invite anyone, we just went on holiday and did it.

Technically, as soon as you agreed to marry you were in fact engaged, up until the point that you married.

I don’t love any of them and don’t see the point of them at all to be honest. I don’t understand why people feel the need to state this “interim” marital status.

I just find “fiancé” particularly twee. Like I said, it’s subjective and irrational. But it makes me cringe.

Totally agree. It's so irrational but I just find it a really cringey word. I always used "partner" when we were engaged. However I do know it's a stupid and nonsensical thing to get irritated by!

On the contrary, it is cringeworthy ( in my opinion !)
..it’s utterly desperate. Once you’re married you can bore us all day with husband/wife ! It smacks of desperation.
We get it, your engaged!!!!

He also used to say "it's tortiLLA" whenever I mentioned tortilla chips.

I am a Spanish speaker. He was not.

He lives in Germany now, presumably on multiple blood pressure medications.

If I was loved up and engaged at the grand age of 56 I would proudly do the same

It used to be reserved for people who were in a relationship and lived together. I do see more and more people using it instead of ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’.

Yeah. I get that. Thanks.

My point is that we did not have ~~An Engagement~~, which would have led to people referring to my fionnnssay.

I suppose the term came about because it's a major change in a couple's relationship, that often feels symbolic, and can frequently involve shifting into a different stage of life. In the past, of course, it generally meant they were imminently going to live together, have sex, and procreate - big changes!

And then people use the term now simply because it's in existence, and in use, and is the correct term to use. It's fine to dislike a word, but it's strange to project your own feelings about that word onto others, and attribute motivations to them that may well not even exist.

My partner and I deliberately made the decision to get a civil partnership rather than a marriage as we wanted to be partners and not husband and wife. We had been together for 15+ year by the time we go out civil partnership as we were waiting for it to be an option for heterosexual couples.

I do find it irksome when it's included repeatedly in a conversation.

How was your weekend?

My fiance and I were away at the weekend. We did X and Y. I got to do Z whilst Dave did B.

Is different to

My fiance and I were away at the weekend, my fiance wanted to do X and Y. I did Z whilst my fiancé we to do B.

Fiancé is pretentious but to elope is acceptable rather than unpretentiously running away, absconding, or getting married in secret.

Did you climb out of the window into the arms of your waiting lover.

Re. 'a major change' -- historically, absolutely. I mean, in Victorian times, middle-class couples could not be alone together before there was an engagement, or write to one another. Now, not so much.

What's ~~an engagement~~? Personally, I told my husband 'we should probably get married' while in the kitchen one night, while hunting in the pantry for a packet of baby rusks, and he said 'sure, if you want to', and then he was my fiancé until we were married. Not very glamorous, but accurate. Is that ~~an engagement~~?

No, not as major (although for some Christian couples I know, it was still absolutely like that), but it does involve getting married, which is legally still pretty major!

Fiancé/fiancée/husband/wife are simply words that describe a relationship. If someone wants to define their relationship, why does it matter to another person? If you don’t like the terms, don’t use them - but don’t act as if your opinion should dictate the choices of others.

@OtterlyAstounding

And then people use the term now simply because it's in existence, and in use, and is the correct term to use. It's fine to dislike a word, but it's strange to project your own feelings about that word onto others, and attribute motivations to them that may well not even exist

I don’t think it’s strange at all: people do it all the time (on here and in real life). There are nearly daily threads on here about “words/phrases you hate”. I feel like I have worn out the “holibobs” and “hubs” examples but they are cited so often they are a cliche: I think most of the time people mention them just because someone else has said them before and they are easy to remember.

People often have visceral and entirely irrational responses to certain words or phrases just as they do to people or places. Its bound up with their upbringing, with their lives and with a million other factors.

It doesn’t mean I am attributing dubious motives to someone who uses the word. I am perfectly aware that this is my issue and no one else’s. It just means somewhere deep down inside me it rings a bell which I don’t like. It is what it is.

Yes.We should use 'betrothed' 🤣

“But I don’t there’s an objective truth that dictates one is completely beyond the pale and the other is fine.”

Well I have already tried to explain this to you - one is a proper word, the other two aren’t. That’s an actual objective difference.

I feel we should use 'Intended', and it should always be capitalised eg 'My Intended and I were engaging in sexual congress at the weekend, when, suddenly...'

What is desperate about it?

If she is talking about the man she is engaged to why shouldn't she refer to him as her Fiancé? What else is she supposed to call him?

Sounds to me you have a problem with people being engaged. And actually,as you find people talking about husbands and wives so boring , with marriage as well.

She isn't doing anything wrong. However when she gets married if she starts referring to him as Hubby then anyone taking exception to that i would totally agree with.

Maybe it’s more the repetitiveness of the word that’s annoying, rather than the actual word.