AIBU to be suspicious after finding a sealed card in his luggage?

[greatbigproblem]

So... My husband works away a lot. I mean really a lot. No particular reason to distrust him but at the end of the day I'm a realist and think complacency is unwise. Marriage not great but honestly it's probably more me that thinks that...
Anyway. Husband packing to go away. Stuff on bed. I picked up a music magazine that was lying in amongst the stuff and flicked through it. Inside, there was a red sealed greetings card. This has got my spidey sensing tingling because this man doesn't send anyone - other than me - cards EVER. I do all that stuff.
I don't know what to do: ask him about it? But I run the risk of him being defensive and if he really doesn't want me to see the contents of the envelope then I suspect he will accuse me of snooping and I'd have to escalate massively to see the contents. If that happened then yes you could say that would be all I'd need to know but I feel I'd want something concrete to base turning our lives upside down upon.

What I have actually done is remove it to give myself time. I figure if it's current and important he'll worry where it's gone but he'll have to ask ME about it.

I COULD find an envelope same size and colour and open and reseal. Probably don't have time to do that today and he's leaving tomorrow.

I'm mainly a lurker but I've seen other people get good advice on here so... What do we think?
To be clear I am very chill about him being away all the time and never give a second thought to where he is or what he's up to. But this has kind of freaked me out and I have a weird feeling about it.

Can you open it with steam forn an iron?

so would I.
steam it open using a kettle and iron it shut.
It won't even look like its been opened.

This!

It could be a marketing insert, a thank you card, a congrats card, an invite to something.

Seems ridicilous to assume the worst and also not to open it.

Can’t wait until tomorrow, open now please!

You could use steam from the kettle to open it then pritt stick it shut again.

It does sound sensible to wait until he’s gone though.

Just open it
then hide it if dodgy and you want him to leave unaware that you know something
Then you can tell him not to return.
Get used to doing your own diy...

What type of magazine? I have a memory of perfume having cards or maybe once or twice a card company give away. What is the size? Is it fairly standard card size say 4x6 or 5x7 or under/oversized? I would try to get the envelope but if you don’t feign ignorance and open after he is gone so you have time and privacy to process what this means.

as a survivor of an adulterous marriage he won’t know where it is . he will wonder if it fell out or he may be thinking shit where did I put that card??! In my experience ex was hiding so much stuff couldn’t keep track of all the hidden stuff.

and as always….the card you play is the card they cover. Keep your poker face on and send him on his way.

Agreed, for all he knows it fell out when he was packing. Or he lost it at some other point on the trip. Just nick it and open it. Fwiw I once steamed open a letter on red paper to my ex (all his other correspondence was white paper) and it was bad as I feared.

Put yourself out your misery and just open it! If it’s innocent you’ll feel better and if it’s not, least you know!

Marriage not being great is something we talk about from time to time. I definitely don't feel like we've got the kind of emotional connection I would want. In some respects it's ok - we talk about plans for the future and sometimes have fun. Hilarious banter. Sometimes we make a great team. As I say he is away a lot - which suits me because I enjoy the time with the children and focussing on my own stuff, but it means that we don't get a lot of time to really address anything. It's easy not to address stuff when you know he's only home for a short period and there's loads of stuff that needs to be done.

If you tell us what the magazine is, I will go to the newsagent and leaf through a copy to see whether an envelope appears.

Open it. Say you found it on the floor and opened to find out what it was since no name on it.

Just bloody open it..
What can he say ?
Where's the ow's fancy card ?
Working away a lot is a red flag in a rubbish marriage imo. .

You still haven't said what the issues you both have in the marriage? It's a bit concerning that you said it would be your fault to?

Just open it. If it’s not a problem then you can just laugh about it together. If it’s a problem, then he’s not exactly going to ask for it back so you’ll have time to decide what to do.

Maybe my marriage is different but I would assume it was a surprise for me so I would put it back. Only if I hadn't received it after a sufficient amount of time would I then enquire about it.

Thing is, if it is innocent and he founds out you've opened it or stolen, it's potentially the end of your marriage right there.

I have a busy job and work away sometimes. If I was packing a card to take on a trip away, it'd be because it was a team member's birthday/ last day/ whatever on that trip and I was taking it along purposefully.

If I got to the hotel and found it was because my husband had stolen it because he assumed I was having an affair when I was actually working to support our family - I'd tell him to leave and change the locks myself.

If I made a MN thread, it'd be wall to wall he's controlling, what other post is he opening, red flags, ltb etc.

So either do it secretly and replace it, or ask outright. But don't cock it up and leave traces.

Its hopefully a magazine insert - you can feel it is a phamplet or a card.

Honestly I can’t fathom why you’d wait.

just open it, bin it, then deny all knowledge if asked, no matter what it says.

Take it and open it, if it’s dodgy he’s hardly going to ask you if you’ve seen it laying around if he thinks he dropped it and if it’s marketing thing from a magazine then he won’t even notice it’s not there 🤷‍♀️
It doesn’t sound like you particularly trust him if you don’t feel you’ll get an honest answer if you ask him outright which means it’s probably worth trying to consider if you want to stay in this relationship if it’s not great.

I’m pretty sure this is a magazine insert, I think I’ve seen the same or very similar one. It’s packaged like this because it makes you want to open it and pay attention to it, vs the ones that you just automatically throw away without even looking at.