Sisters children and step child and our holiday

[FallingDream]

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

She must be deranged to think it would still be a holiday for you if you had responsibility for someone else's 7yo on holiday around water. You couldn't even read a book without making sure you knew at all times where the child was.

Offer to take the child if she pays for a holiday nanny to come and keep an eye on her 24/7.

I would just say no to all of them.

I don’t think it’s fair to lump the step-mum in that. She’s working, not on a jolly! How was she supposed to predict she’s be needed for childcare?!

Step-dads never seem to be expected to take a week off work to babysit teenage nieces. The lack of a vagina seems to excuse them.

The sister hasn’t treated all three kids the same, she’s treated her own two kids worse, because she’s denied them a trip see their own grandparents.

OP would have likely said yes to step-niece coming if she was also a similar aged teen (14-16). OP’s sister is acting out of butt hurt not common sense.

It’s step-daughter’s mum going on the hen do, not her step-mum! The step-mum (OP’s sister) is busy working.

Edit: i see this has been pointed out now already.

@FallingDream If you do it this time you are setting yourself up for doing it in the future too, possibly every time you go to see your parents. Make it clear that this is a family only visit, i.e your family. Does your sister's Very Important Job mean she'll wriggle out of seeing her parents ever again?

Your sister is a moron. Honestly she will learn pretty quickly that won't work. The step kid isn't related to them and they know that. Did your sister get together with her hubby during an affair or anthing?

How are things @FallingDream?

@Two2TooAlsoToToward Just to reply - rather belatedly... Because they decided they didn't want to I guess... They'd send the kids out in the morning before they were up to "go find <my teens/my brothers teens>", or they'd wait until the teens were in the pool and the younger kids would ask their mother if they could go in - she'd look at the pool see one of the teens in and say yes... without asking the teens. Bear in mind neither kid is a competent swimmer, the younger still in armbands, and the pool is not a beach shallow type it is probably 4ft deep at the shallowest part. (teens then got out and sent the kids back to mum who huffed because she then had to go in). The teens could have supervised the kids in the water and are all very competent swimmers. But the kids do not listen to instructions when in a safe room let alone in a pool so they just didn't want the stress - especially the youngest teen who is just 13.... it actually ended up with the teens and to a degree us buggering off to the neighbours' (our friends) instead - which OP wouldn't have the luxury of if she was actually responsible for the 7yr old.

There were many other issues too - lesson learnt we won't overlap with them again - shame for the cousins but...! (Hopefully I won't end up in the same situation where I am prepared to take the nieces but not the steps - because my answer would be the same...)

(teens then got out and sent the kids back to mum who huffed because she then had to go in)

Well done to the teens for sticking to their boundaries. Girls especially are conditioned to appease and to twist themselves in knots so that others don’t experience discomfort.

All but 1 of the cousins are all girls.... we are doing out best to coax that particular tendancy out of them. I think my nieces had already had enough (they maybe just needed me to 'give them permission').

It must have become obvious that we went out whenever the kids were running solo though... I don't think I have ever been at the beach that early especially several days running on holiday (with a text to the remaining cousins to come find us when they woke!)