Sisters children and step child and our holiday

[FallingDream]

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

Exactly! I wouldn’t be waving my 7 year old with basically strangers in a foreign country. Poor thing will be homesick.

Just say no. It's your family holiday and she can't reasonably expect you to sacrifice it to be unpaid childcare. Their children, their responsibility.

Understood…I was commenting on PP’s post about where the teens would have been left during the hen do. All cleared up now.

No ☺️

I'm thinking that if your parents say that they will help out with care for the 7yr old...your dsis will then put pressure on you to take her

TBF, they are at least consistent. I've yet to see a step family thread they haven't posted on.

But when did they know the dad had to work, when did they know about your holiday, and when did they ask you to take all 3 kids?

This thread is bonkers. The kids DAD needs to sort childcare, not palm her off onto his wife’s sister’s family!!! I would go mad if I found out that my exh was doing this with our children

YANBU OP

OP said in an update that SD's maternal family won't help with childcare during dad's access time - so there's obviously been some issue with it before.

Your sister is asking you to ruin your holiday, your parents' holiday and your children's holiday, because she and her husband haven't organised childcare for the 7 year old. It's really unfair of her to expect you to look after a 7 year old - that's the great thing about your children finally becoming teenagers, that holidays change such a lot and you can go out later at night, visit more interesting places etc.

It won't be you the seven-year-old will cling to, given you hardly know her. It will be the teenaged step-sisters. And they don't want that. Sh*t show all round but no blame on you. Tell your sister you won't be responsible for a seven-year-old and that's final. How she chooses to enact that is down to her. You are not responsible for the disappointment.

Yep don't take the 7 year old. You all need a break with parents and this is it. The 7 year old hardly knows any of you and your sisters taking the piss, manipulate things. The father needs to resolve childcare somehow but this is not your problem.

Why is this even a thing? The dad needs to pull his finger out and remedy childcare

This!!

That's a bit ominous. Yes let's hope it's just a timing thing.

Good opportunity to bond with family and they likely will remember it fondly. I was closer to my aunties than my parents - who were at times neglectful and had a history of failure to repair relationships.

That would be a no thanks from me.
What happens when you get there and the youngster decides she doesn't want to be there and wants to go home?
I once took daughters friend...she complained and whinged about everything..I then discovered that she was a "nipper"...nipping my child if she didn't want to do the same things she did...
It was a fkn nightmare..ruined the holiday.
Never again!

Hmm. In my experience when you go into a new job and say 'I have these holiday periods already booked', the new employer respects that. I think he could have stood his ground on this but has decided to make the care of his 7 yo someone else's problem.

Please don't feel guilty. It changes the dynamics. Book your own flights and leave the others to it.

Mine are teenage and I wouldn't take a 7 year old away for my holiday who isn't my own..

The mum just wants a solution and in fairness the child will probably be ok but for you it is the responsibility.

Stay firm.

Yes him going on a work trip is a detail that doesn’t really make a lot of sense. Coming into a new job is precisely when you can be absolute about when you’re taking (pre-booked) holiday.

But then there happen to be quite a lot of unfortunate timing/coincidences in this situation, with all of the mother, father and step-mother having plans for the October half-term week.

The sister asked the OP if she would take all her children too. She is up for taking the older nieces but not the seven year old. The problem with still taking the nieces is that it leaves two months for the sister to keep harping on about how much better it would be if she also took the step niece, she would be no trouble, she should be treated the same as the rest of the family.

It would make the run up to the holiday tense. The holiday itself will be tense. Afterwards will be tense. If I were the OP, I would be regretting even considering taking any of her sister’s children (even if the OP’s parents would like to see them).

OP, the trademark of a real cheeky fxxker is someone who won't accept the word no.

If your sister is now pressuring your parents about care to help YOU look after her HUSBANDS child, on YOUR family holiday, then you are really talking about a level of such disrespect of you, your family, and epic cheeky fxxkery.

I would be seriously wary of being used by one like that.

No chance. Taking a 7 year old away, you'll spend your time giving childcare and not relaxing

The father ought to have asked at the interview if the company would honor an existing childcare arrangement i.e. caring for his own child whilst the child's mother is away.
It's not asking to honor a ' holiday' as it's not him that is going on holiday, he is needed at home to care for his own child. His dependent. His responsibility.

Not that of his partner's sister and parents. abroad.

There's no suggestion that the OP needs help with how to book the flights.