Is this level of bill splitting normal?

[Tightdp]

Renting with DP. We don’t pool wages so split our food shops. I’m happy with a rough estimate , he insists on going item by item on the recipes so it’s fair. I feel like he’s taking it too far now though. Some examples from the past week (we do 2/3 medium size shops a week rather than one big one):

-him thinking he’ll eat an extra bag of crisps than me so paying like 30p extra
-I only have weetabix occasionally so I had to pay about 20% of the total
-from tonight and what prompted me to post - I’ve had a stomach bug which I’m struggling to shift so I had to pay a higher % towards the loo roll.

This isn’t normal, surely!? He earns well and has no reason to worry about money.

This is almost certainly the tip of the iceberg.

Your issue isn’t bill splitting, it’s that you’ve moved in with a man you don’t know at all.

What the hell else is going to come to light when you’ve been together a bit longer than a hot minute?

Describe how this looks like day to day - do you literally sit down after coming back from shops and itemise every thing and do a bank transfer there and even? It must take up hours of your life and headspace! Imagine trying to find the time for that with kids involved, or if one of you was going through some really tough life event or something. You don’t need this shit.

If this post is real (could be a wind up) - it speaks to so much more than money - I'd be reconsidering this relationship because I'm not sure he has the capacity to actually be in one.

How weird.

More toilet paper but less food.

I couldn’t tolerate that level of pettiness.

Are you racist?

No. Absolutely mental.

Jeezo OP. You are aware that no man is better than any man at all.

He's counting his own usage then subtracting it from either a figure he's googled for the number of sheets in an average toilet roll, or he's unraveled one and counted every sheet.

😂pathetic. People who are tight with money for no reason really irritate me. If you physically can’t afford things, that’s different, but being tight for tight sakes..

You’ll be paying for bread by the slice soon. Tell him he is ridiculous and to stop being so pathetic or he can move out. He sounds like one of those crazy people on those American programmes that will only allow each family member to have 3 squares of toilet roll.

Where is that laughing emoji when you need it 😂😂😂

This is surely a wind up?

It’s always the well off ones. I know someone who will always pay last at a restaurant because they know everyone else will round up as most normal people can’t be arsed to count the pennies. That way they always end up paying less than their meal cost.

I remember a poster whose DP told her to take immodium instead of using extra loo roll when she had a bad stomach at his place. I wonder if that's his ex.

Dump him - no pun intended. 😂

@Tightdp There are so many worrying things about this, you say you haven't had a birthday with him yet, but you have moved in with him? So you have known him less than a year and have moved in? (And I say this as someone who moved in with now DH within 6 months, but he had already proved how good a man he was). How long exactly...? Was it his idea? Is it his house? Do you have anywhere to go if you decided to or did he get you to give your place up and you'd be a bit stuck? Can you really imagine having children and living with this kind of pettiness? How would he expect things to work when you were on maternity? If the kids have a stomach bug, who pays for their extra share of the toilet roll? If you do decide to continue with this madness. DO NOT have children unless you are at least married. But to be honest, I'd bin him off and find someone normal.

I suspect you won't STAY living together for long 😬 He sounds like an insufferable weirdo.

You've moved in with Mr Scrooge in a relationship less than a year?

Ok, there we are then.

I would focus on moving back out.

I would find this incredibly unattractive.

You unfortunately can't top up the budget to make up for his extreme paucity of spirit.

End it. For real.

So you've not known him very long (don't know him very well either) and you've moved in together and now you've found out he's weird. He is weird, by the way, that is not normal behaviour. It's obsessive and controlling. A massive red flag.
I hope you're in a position to either move out or ask him to leave because this is going nowhere positive.

No it's not normal at all. I couldn't be attracted to a man like this, counting things down to every penny.

I'm autistic. I understand the need to be fair. I'd hate to feel I was cheating someone or being taken advantage of.
You need to sit down and explain you find this soul destroying.
Get him to think about the bigger picture and what it us he's afraid of. (Is someone pouring poison in his ear? Is he terrified of debt he can't control. Does he trust you? Do you gaily sling all sorts in the basket and does this freak him out. There has to be a reason he's so extreme? )
Ask him to think about the 50/50 split and what £s amount he'd find acceptable to be short changed by in a year to stop this. Because atm he won't even go to 1p. And where would your line be?
And you're a team. What does that mean to him.
I've always been a "counter" - it wasn't until therapy and it was pointed out that I even realised others didn't do this. It took time to sink in. I still count - but I'm happier because now I realise people aren't trying to rip me off by eg not being instantly able to recall it's their turn to buy coffee.
It runs quietly in the background which is fine, I'm happy cos that means I know I never take advantage.
Things are a problem when it affects your day to day life and this is because it's turning you off.
So speak up. Gently, give him time to process. But make it clear you can't cope. But also listen to what he has to say.
Maybe he could do 3 months of doing tallying himself (out of sight) and see what the end "score" is and revisit it then for a discussion. While you both pay 50/50 now.
But if it turns out he's just tight then run girl run. Because your future children don't need that.

Oh christ. Throw this one back

Ridiculous behaviour!! DH and I put 50:50 to shopping. I’m not here 3 nights for work but get fed for free at my parents I also drink more Diet Coke and eat more crisps than him but he drinks cider. It all works itself about in the end!!

You need to at least pool money for bills, open \anaccount you both paty into it every month and the bills including the food come out of that account- otherwise you will both continually feel cheated.

This sounds mad - extra for loo roll because you have been unwell.
Try pointing out it was not deliberate and see if you get a refund!
Seriously though OP - are you up to spending the rest of your life like this? Because quirky little habits get worse not better as we age.