Is this level of bill splitting normal?

[Tightdp]

Renting with DP. We don’t pool wages so split our food shops. I’m happy with a rough estimate , he insists on going item by item on the recipes so it’s fair. I feel like he’s taking it too far now though. Some examples from the past week (we do 2/3 medium size shops a week rather than one big one):

-him thinking he’ll eat an extra bag of crisps than me so paying like 30p extra
-I only have weetabix occasionally so I had to pay about 20% of the total
-from tonight and what prompted me to post - I’ve had a stomach bug which I’m struggling to shift so I had to pay a higher % towards the loo roll.

This isn’t normal, surely!? He earns well and has no reason to worry about money.

I’d tell him no I’m not examining the receipts we are doing 50/50 same as the bills and see how he reacts. If he mentions that’s how him and ex did it say yes that’s probably why she’s your ex!!

id think carefully about this one. Imagine being on maternity leave and earning less because you are birthing his child and he insists you pay 50/50 or quibbles because you are using more water than him or something. And wyat if you end up paying more if child rearing because he doesn’t see it as necessary

Omg pls don’t have kids with him. He will never value your time and effort the way he values his own money, never ever.

Sounds bonkers. I couldn't cope with that, it would drive me nuts!

Ugh I couldn't be doing with this. But why are you living with him so early on? Mind you that's saved you a hell of a lot in the long run - imagine discovering this after a few years?

What was he like when you were just dating?

Stinginess - particularly on that level - is incredibly unattractive. Throw him back.

Was he like this on dates too before you moved in together? Have you had a Xmas together yet? Birthdays?

There is zero way I could live with someone like this. Or find them attractive. Or trust them enough to risk having kids with them.

🤣🤣🤣

Of course it isn't normal. I would lose all attraction towards him pretty sharply.

If you want to stay with him (and I wouldn’t after this) I would be telling him to buy and cook his own food and keep his own toilet rolls

hes batshit

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m sorry OP but this did make me laugh! If this is a genuine post then you honestly need to give yourself a shake 🫠 What redeeming qualities does he have that outweigh this negative?! I’m struggling to think of any that possibly could to be honest 🤔😅

I’d spend one week of my life exceeding his level of pettiness x1000 just for my own fun then he’d be straight under that patio 🤣

@TFImBackIn You’re so right 😅 Imagine dating for a couple of years or so thinking he’s normal, you’ve fallen head over heels thinking this is your forever, and then you move in together and BAM…he’s adding 20p to your food bill because you ate two biscuits more than him 🥲😅

Ugh, God he sounds tedious.

Quibbling over a bag of crisps 🚩

Call him out on this. Please leave if he doesn't change

I think you could do some really funny stuff to see how far he will take all this

Nah, that’s freakishly weird. Even if he is ND, it’s freakishly weird and he needs to have look at himself. Is he this obsessive about anything else? What’s his job?!
I mean, if you really love him and he’s ok otherwise, you could tell him he has to go halves or else and give him another month or two, see what he does (he may stop that but it could pop up somewhere else). There’s nothing wrong with someone who’s a bit obsessive about things as long as they’re not impacting you unduly with it.
I have a fairly obsessive fella, but as we are both loners and I’m also a bit, shall we say, focused, we tend to grant each other a lot of tolerance,as he is basically kind and always has my back. Not entirely sure what he sees in me, maybe he’s trauma bonded !

I used to go out with someone who once bought a box of beers for his friends coming round, I took one, and he asked me for £2.20. The same man also then tried to "encourage" me to document my spending on a spreadsheet, when I refused, he did it for me, asking me to clarify whether I'd bought a two or four finger kit kat. It didn't last long.

Chaos would ensue in our house… Sometimes I’ll treat DH to a large bag of his favourite crisis. Other times I’ll buy “my” crisps, which he definitely can’t touch. And what about the times he polishes off a six pack of crisps before I’ve even had a pack? Think of all the loo roll after so much crisp consumption!

Surely if you are ill you would be eating less, hopefully he took that in to consideration and refunded you too 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm surprised he doesn't count exactly how many sheets each of you uses 🤦🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I just couldn't deal with this, but also it sounds like a lot of control, and is giving me red flags about the level of control he wants and what that can lead to in terms of abuse. It's a slippery slope, don't put this down to him being quirky or just liking things done a certain way

Op please get rid of him, before this becomes the normal and you stop noticing how messed up it is. Don't settle for him find someone better.

This is where you will end up ^ what BatchCookBabe said.

Monitoring my use of loo roll would be a total deal breaker for me.

If this is true OP, move on. Life's too short for that nonsense.

How on earth do you keep track of who has used so many sheets of toilet paper?!?!

It's ludicrous and childish

That's fucking weird OP.

Why would you stay in a relationship like this?

What a miserly and miserable life.

😂😂👏 Brilliant!

I think OP is teasing us.

(If you are not OP, there's my answer: not even credible).

omg this is actually insane! It’s not normal at all.

Either you split it 50/50 or you look at a typical month and think “he doesn’t drink any alcohol and she buys 3 bottles of wine a month, plus she insists on £15 worth of organic berries every week ….” Etc and make a rough split (eg 40/60) based on that.

I'm intrigued as to how it works in a practical sense - do you transfer your DP 30p before or after eating the extra bag of crisps? Or does he keep a tally of each food item consumed? How did he come to % extra for toilet roll - did he monitor usage after each visit? I mean I would royally take the piss out of him and really get down to the nitty gritty for every single item on the receipt. Surely this does not transfer well to being intimate - how can you find it attractive?