Is this level of bill splitting normal?

[Tightdp]

Renting with DP. We don’t pool wages so split our food shops. I’m happy with a rough estimate , he insists on going item by item on the recipes so it’s fair. I feel like he’s taking it too far now though. Some examples from the past week (we do 2/3 medium size shops a week rather than one big one):

-him thinking he’ll eat an extra bag of crisps than me so paying like 30p extra
-I only have weetabix occasionally so I had to pay about 20% of the total
-from tonight and what prompted me to post - I’ve had a stomach bug which I’m struggling to shift so I had to pay a higher % towards the loo roll.

This isn’t normal, surely!? He earns well and has no reason to worry about money.

He suffers from flatulence, so OP get subsidised air freshener.

This is an insane way to live. You can’t have an equitable life partnership with someone you views your joint life together in this way. He definitely isn’t ready live with a partner if he can’t accept a bit of give & take in the relationship. I get that you’re in the earlier stages of the relationship where people are often more cautious about sharing their finances but it’s still concerning that he’s forensically analysing the grocery bill in this way.

I’ll be honest, back before kids when we were contributing 50:50 to all the household costs, the thought did cross my mind that DP was eating a lot more of the food we bought than I did yet we contributed equally. However, I’d then remind myself that often I’ll have a cocktail when we go out and he’ll just have a beer, yet he doesn’t make me pay the difference! Unless you’re dealing with a situation where one partner has really unreasonably excessive spending habits, it all comes out in the wash eventually. As a couple we’ve spent large sums of money on things that were really only important and beneficial for me and he doesn’t mention it, so I’m not going to squabble over him eating 50p more pasta than me 😂

He’s insane. Dump him.

When you have a bug, he should be asking if he can get you anything to make you feel better- not making you pay more!

I’ve read some mental stuff on here over the years … this is right up there !!

You can change it. Just go and press the other one (not purple anymore) and your tick ☑️ will change places.

So.....

Together less than a year, just moved in together and he is counting toilet roll sheets?

If you are living in his house......find somewhere else. If he is living in yours......kick him out FAST.

Your birthday will be utter shit and that will be in the "honeymoon" phase, can you imagine what it will be like when the kids need nappies?

I hope you are paying more for toilet roll than him anyway because you have to wipe for #1 and #2 while he only does for #2.
However, I would also suggest comparing arsehole circumferences as he sounds like he has a large one so would require more paper to wipe his.

I'm a non-believer in this thread I'm afraid BUT I did complain on here that an Air Bnb locked their toilet tissue rolls in a double-locked cupboard (discovered when they had to get a boiler man in because the heating - operated from another city so we couldn't turn it up when needed - failed and there was this huge secured stash of bog roll.) And heaps of posters leapt in to say that was totally normal because people steal it. So meanness on this particular front is a thing.

Hang on, I've been subsidising my partners excessive toilet roll use for the last 20s years unnecessarily? I wish I had thought about comparing number of sheets used and accounting for difference in costs ....

Finding your way as a new couple for joint and personal costs takes time but this level is excessive and doesn't strike we are joining our lives vibe. It's very transactional.

When you go through the receipts like this what is the difference in your total spends? Is it a lot for effort for not a lot of difference?

Once you are feeling better I would keep the receipts for the following week, quickly go through out and pull out anything that is 80+% for the other person. Compare the costs for each other, as long as its not completely biased one way or the other accept that it's 50:50 ish and pay equal. If one person has an expensive habit they pay a bit more or buy that item separately.

I couldn't live with a person who had such penny pinching behaviour. Sadly, people such as your partner exist.
I remember in shock watching a US program about extreme cheapskates. One of the families used to ration toilet roll sheets for their children & themselves. Some of the people on the program never seemed embarrassed by their behaviour and continued despite losing friends or partners.

Ducks Arse springs to mind...

He’s as tight as a nun’s chuff. LTB

You could suggest flushing the loo weekly to save water costs op. Now, while you have the stomach bug, would be a good time to suggest that cost-saving measure!

I’ve had a stomach bug which I’m struggling to shift so I had to pay a higher % towards the loo roll.

You are shitting me.

👋

Why are you doing it 'his way' anyway? It's madness and I don't know why you agreed to it. The grocery shopping bill needs to be 50/50 or you're both going to go insane. If he can't cope with that, the relationship is doomed. So there's your litmus test. You tell him that's what you want, then you'll know where you are.

I want to know what the supposed price difference was, how much do you usually pay and how much extra were you charged? Did you get a discount on the food for eating less?

I dont believe this bat shittery for a second but I would like to know the amounts, how much are we talking here? What proportion of a difference did it make in the costs.

No sane person would even need to ask if this is normal surely but makes for lots of responses.

How did he approach the subject of loo roll with you?

Fucking hell I couldn’t live like that.

I've just spilt my drink reading this. Where should I send the cleaning bill? I'm struggling to believe anyone would put up with this, especially the loo roll. If it has any veracity then start running for the door now.

This can’t be true

Fucking hell, that is ridiculous 😂

🚩

You could have fun taking this to absurd lengths. E.g.: You're taller and bigger than me, that means you use more soap so you pay more towards that; your clothes use more water and washing powder in the machine, so you pay more towards water bills and washing powder, you use more water than I do in the shower so even more towards the water bill, you shed more skin flakes so you pay more towards electricity and vacuum bags, you wear out the floors and carpets more so start paying into a replacement fund, etc etc.