Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

👏👏!
Mine were older, probably 10 and 13, but making so much noise, play fighting and the dog joining in, barking non stop. I begged them over and over to stop, but would they?

Dh was away for work, I didn’t care. I got in the car and drove for over 2 hours to a friend I hadn’t seen for ages.
When she opened the door I said, ‘I’ve run away from my kids - can I stay the night?’
Had a brilliant evening, plenty of 🍷🍷, drove home the next day.
I’ve never once regretted it!

Oh get over yourself! My mum locked us in the loft when sis and I (11 & 7) were bickering whilst playing up there. She just raised the loft ladder.
Gives you perspective. Even mums lose their patience and kids are feral and need to learn.
Told sis she wouldn’t leave us to starve up there so alls good.😇

True!

Observing the constant bickering amongst grown adults on Mn I am hardly surprised that kids bicker....

Sympathies OP...they will hopefully bond over this and in the future will say 'do you remember when Mum left home...'

(My Mum did this once - I am the eldest and suddenly became aware of my responsibility for my younger brother, even for the short time she was gone, And he meekly understood the importance of us behaving and staying safe. Not sure how long it lasted)

It’s not really about her walking out to be honest, I may have done the same. My comment was more about how OP said ‘not having this be my life’. I’m pointing out that it is, in fact, her life.

OP came back, kids stopped all fine now.

Same here, my mum worked and was perfectly capable of looking after myself until she got home, nothing untoward ever happened.

I'm sure you're grateful for the reminders they are children, you're the adult and siblings bicker. If you could just pull yourself together and stop behaving like a human being that has a limit for refereeing arguments over nothing you too could be a perfect parent just like some of the other posters here.

A few minutes to escape the mayhem put you in a much better position to deal with them calmly instead of losing it and adding to the chaos so it all worked out. Don't feel bad about it, they're not toddlers.

I used to babysit other people's kids when I was 12. I know times were different but I was perfectly capable.

Deep breaths mumma.

It's the holidays! Every parent I have spoken to has said the same.
My two are young 4 and 7 but oh my goodness they have done nothing but argue and fight and wind each other up!
These holidays have been difficult with the heat and limited things to do.
I even threatened them with going to stay with grumpy grandad in my moment of pure rage.
The holidays will end soon. They will get a break from each other and back in to routines.
Even when we go out for the day and they are good as soon as we get home they start.
I know it can get really overwhelming.
Just got to ride the last few weeks out.

Can you get one on a play date? Just give them a bit of space.

My mum did this a lot to me when I was growing up. She was a lovely mum but my Dad worked away a lot. We were really well-behaved children (three girls) but she just got overwhelmed and she wasnt great at emotional regulation (probably quite typical of her generation)

I understand OP’s feelings of overwhelm and 100% cast no judgement. There are times in the past I have texted my husband to come here NOW as I need to get out for a run before I say something I regret. Not so much because the children are being awful but just because its incessant and Im at the end of my tether.

But I dont agree with the posters applauding this and saying it is a good lesson for the children. I still remember the feelings of intense anxiety wondering whether my mum had gone for good. I also remember thinking it was likely she would leave forever at some point before I grew up. So it does affect your children - and in ways you might not be able to imagine if you have not felt the same as a child.

It also isnt about the children’s behaviour. It’s about parental overwhelm. None of which is suggesting the OP is anything but a great mother (as mine was) - but it does cause damage. It is a warning sign you need more support - whether that is from the other parent or coping techniques to improve emotional regulation.

I hope this does not come across as judgemental as I do know exactly how OP feels. There have been times when if I couldnt have relied on my husband to step in, I could have locked myself in a cupboard and had a complete emotional breakdown. I never expected children to be so relentless! It is more in response to posters saying the children deserved it and it would teach them a lesson.

Fully agree with this. 30 mins alone is not imo abandoning them as another poster said, it’s decompressing and finding a moment to calm yourself before going back in to deal with it and explain how their behaviour is affecting everyone. We’ve all been there op. Take a breath, look after yourself and then deal with the dc.

This is the kind of thing that would have been really effective with me as a child. Telling me off just made me double down, sending me to my room just made me sulk, but when my parents made it clear how much my behaviour disappointed and upset them I wanted to stop right away and do better. Hopefully its the same with your kids.

On the other hand, it’s a cue for children to reflect on their ratty behaviour. A good sharp shock.

My mother did this once or twice - just removed herself and it did make us realise that our bickering was out of order.

My brother and I fought like cat and dog. Later he used to scoff at my career as just another hopeless mistake. But our love for each other lasted till the day he died, tragically too young. I was with him when it happened. Cancer. Terrible.

That’s a bit dramatic.

I did this to my kids once, they were very apologetic when I came back and we laugh about it now.

Which is an individual anecdote based on your level of maturity. I was working part time from eight years of age but kids aren’t allowed to work now. Times change and laws/rules change.

I think this is an action you have to be extremely careful about. I know when my mother did something similar it changed my world view and I no longer viewed her as someone safe and reliable in my life, she became someone I had to please at all costs, it hugely impacted me. If I ever did that to my child I know they would be absolutely distraught and would think I'd abandoned them forever. We are both neurodiverse, that may be relevant. Unless you know for certain how your children will react I would suggest best not to use that tactic. Remove yourself from the situation by all means, but don't walk out of the house saying you are done. I struggle with my own reactions when my child pushes me, I do get it, but be careful.

Are you a parent yourself now?

This seems very extreme and quite bizarre unless there was other abuse involved.

I think we’re starting to see why there’s so many people saying it’s fine 🙈. You drove for two hours, got pissed and then drove back in the morning? Good lord. Guys do you think we’re uncovering what so many kids are acting like they haven’t been parented? We have an epidemic of feral kids currently and this thread just might explain it!

@Nousernameideaaga

your mother should thank her lucky stars that you are still in contact with her!

hugs for you 💐

Plus I’m guessing you all laugh about it now 🙄🙈🤦🏼‍♀️

I think it’s better to have half an hour to yourself in your car, to take a breather and regulate than losing your shit with your kids. The summer holidays are hard, so please be kind to yourself!!

I didn’t actually ‘get pissed’ - a couple of glasses are all I ever have.

And my kids certainly didn’t go ‘feral’ - they were somewhat subdued and had learned that pissing me off to that extent was not to be repeated!

What you did would be classed as emotional abuse. Why are you expecting your children to understand your feelings when you are the adult and you should be trying to understand their feelings?