Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast

i know right?! A mother should NOT be consuming alcohol. Pretty disgraceful and disappointing behaviour.

I am another one who is absolutely finished with the bickering. I looked at these resources and they seemed unrealistic for us, but I accept there may be other less feral children out there for whom they will be helpful. My children just do not respond in any of the ways in the examples.

Good luck to all.

You've never forgiven her for walking out of the house for a few moments? 😂 Give over, this is irony surely?

Did I not say much more abusive?

are you under the impression that this was a bragging post?

If I thought it wasn’t a problem, I wouldn’t have made the post.

I did the same to mine years back. Five of them aged between 13 and 8 and the ARGUING! It was what they did when they couldn't think of anything else to do. So I drove to the bottom of our road. Turned the car round and then drove home, so gone about 10 minutes max. Marched in and read the riot act but I'd had time to cool down from the white hot anger so I could be far more strategic about how I dealt with them (basically everyone sent to their rooms to tidy. They didn't tidy at all, of course, but sat alone in their rooms sulking for a bit and came out a lot nicer).

Nobody died and they're all adults now and they don't even remember it. They actually have lovely sunny memories of school summer holidays, playing in the garden with the dogs. The utter buggers.

As a one off it’s understandable but next time (as there surely will be), go to your bedroom. It worked for me.

@patiencehasgone

So basically, your kids were getting on your nerves - so you drove off and parked around the corner for half an hour to cool down. And then returned home....

Why title the thread to make people think you have left the family home/walked out on your children/family?

Bit of a click-bait title. Glad everything is OK now, but they are 9 and 12. You're going to have to toughen up. Things are going to get so much worse. The teenage years are on the horizon! 😬

Agree with a few others that it was not good behaviour. You're an adult. You're not 12. You're setting a bad example to your children.

.

They are old enough to understand that they pushed her to her limits.

Times haven't changed that much, in my country children are expected to be able to look after themselves for a few hours from 9 years old, they are considered too old for after school care at that point. Many take care of themselves from younger too, 7 and 8 years old, if they don't get a space in after school club or if they and their parents feel it's not necessary any more (I remember DS's headteacher explaining that we can cancel our children's places in afterschool care at Christmas if we felt they could manage alone by then - this was to the parents of upcoming 1st graders, 6 and 7 years old)

Did the kids know you had left? Did they spend however many hours wondering where you were? How long were they left before your dh got home?

So many mothers on here that coddle their children. Children can be a pain in the arse, they can be lovely ( when asleep) 99% of the time parents cope, 1% of the time you either want to throttle them, shout "shut the fuck up" or walk out the door and never return but most of that 1% is you saying ENOUGH. We mothers are humans, the children are human(ish) so we all lose it at times unless of course you are a perfect mumsnet mummy and not just the common or garden variety of mum. The holidays are longer than most of our patience so lets just get through it by drinking tea, rolling our eyes and saying for fuck sake under our breath 19 million times a day. Scottish & Northern Irish mums, lucky you as it is all over and you can celebrate, English and Welsh mums, hang on in there in the end is in sight.🍀

That's an appalling thing to do. I am sure some posters will be along soon to congratulate you for doing it though. 🙄

I would also say that if a man did that in a relationship I expect everyone would be screaming emotional abuse. They would not be applauding that he had taught her a lesson.

Totally agree but you don’t just storm out, you tell them you are going to clam down and that you’ve had enough. You use words not just slam the door!

My mother would have done the same to us if we didn't shut up. And I wouldn't have blamed her.

Deep breathes and gather yourself. Take a few minutes for you

I think there is a distinction to be made here.

If a parent needs to step away for a few moments for a breather and tells her children she’s gone for a coffee/walk and will be back in 30 mins, this is a world away from
a parent telling a child they are leaving them because they are too much.

It sounds like the OP’s scenario was more akin to the former which is 100% no big deal. The only consideration is physical safety and, at 9 & 12, the risk is minimal.

But it sounds like what @Nousernameideaaga experienced was closer to the latter and the damage here is pyschological. Because, although the reality is the parent may only be away for a short while and be close by, the child experiences the loss as if the parent has left for good (that’s what theyve been told). This creates a permanent feeling of instability. It’s probably hard to describe if you havent experienced it.

But i think this is why there is such a huge conflation of opinion here. Leaving a 9 & 12 year old alone for 30 mins to get a breather is no big issue. As long as they know youll be back.

This would've probably been a better first response, separate send to their rooms so you can have 30 minutes to have a tea and calm down. Losing your shit and storming out of the house isn't removing yourself from conflict it's a tantrum, it's not modelling what you expect from them

I’m definitely a common or garden variety and now one of the things I love most about my children being grown up is never having to deal with long school holidays 🥳 I always felt one moment away from a nervous breakdown and my kids were the least feral you could get. Even those kids can send you to insanity during the summer holidays. I remember reading ‘never cry in front of your kids’, well I cried and that, more than yelling, brought my kids to heel. They didn’t mind seeing me angry or exasperated, but they hated seeing me upset.

Sounds like you deserved it.

I did this once. Drove the 6 miles into town, got a coffee, sandwich and cake, drove home into the village and ate it all by the village green (just down the road). After 45 minutes I went back and took a very deep breath.

They were very sheepish to say the least, and they didn't bicker again for at least 2 hours

It sounded to me like you were only responding to the posts validating what you had done. I’m actually not judging. But there are posters who have pointed you towards actual helpful resources who you seemed to have ignored and tried to minimise what you had done, and praising your children for having apologised and “seen your feelings” - of course they apologised, they are probably terrified now.

That's ok. It's a coping mechanism..exactly the same with a newborn.
Leave the room/house, go round the block. Gather some head space, come back and carry on.
Try giving them separate tasks

my response with mine was to send them to their rooms and tell them that unless they could exist in each others space without fighting, then they didn't get the right to be in each others company.