Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

Yes, I think the walking away can be a much-needed reprieve. It's the leaving the house - with the undercurrent/implication of leaving for good - that I think goes a bit far, quite apart from the risk of no-one in the house.

But anyway OP, you are home, they are fine and I hope you get a quiet few hours.

I was about to say something similar. Dumped us by the village green and drove away. We'd have been 10 and 7 or thereabouts. Mum was only away five minutes, out of sight, but it never happened again.

At home we'd be turfed out into the garden where Mum couldn’t hear us squabbling.

Like Prince Philip telling the late Queen that if she didn't pipe down he'd do the same!

LOL I didn’t do anything other than suffer years of physical and psychological abuse from her (as did my sisters). We prayed she would leave, but she only ever abandoned us for a few days at a time, or a few weeks as we got older. She always came back eventually. My comment was really a flippant response the original pp who has never forgiven her mother for doing what the OP did when she was 8, given the real trauma I [and many other children] experienced.

What OP did was in no way abuse - she drove around the corner, sat and caught her breath. Responsibly let her DH know. And when she was calm, she returned.

Meanwhile in Africa, children of primary school age are walking miles to get a bucket of water and working in the fields🙄

My friend told me that her mum did this when her and her brother were arguing, about the same ages as the OPs kids. She told them she had had enough and wasn’t coming back.

when her mum came back, about 20 minutes later, she found the two of them dividing up her jewellery 🤣🤣🤣

This proving your friends kids were little shits!!

Funny though!

No, it was my friend and her brother who did this to their mum 🤣 but yes, I can totally imagine them doing this!

I've been there, OP. In my case I put our baby in her pram and left our nine and ten year old DDs screaming at each other because I had just had enough. In this case I had spoken to DH, and knew that he was just around the corner on his way back from the station, so I knew he'd be walking through the door himself in less than five minutes. I walked down the road to our local and ordered a coffee and biscuits which I sat and ate in blissful peace.

FWIW our three are now 27, 26 and almost 17, and now all get on great - they're spending this weekend together, and regularly visit and stop over at one another's places. But it was bloody tough at times when they were younger. I hope you're okay now, OP. Go easy on yourself. 💐

It can become overwhelming at times.

Are you being firm on the sleep routine? Nothing worse than having high energy noise machines awake from 6am until 10pm at night. Get them fed, showered, and in bedrooms and reading by 9pm at the latest. Give yourself a break in the evenings.

Put the tykes to work - vacuuming, loading/unloading the dishwasher, washing the bath. Give them an outlet for that energy that reduces your load.

And buy some nose cancelling headphones and soothe yourself. The constant noise pollution can be an unhelpful irritant throughout the day. Block that out to maintain sanity.

G'luck - two weeks to go!

Ah my two love to fight over every tiny thing sometimes and it really ruins a lot of potentially nice times. So much so I didn’t want to book a holiday for this year because what is the point of making all the effort for them to have a nice time when they are happy to just argue over nothing. I always think I could understand if it their dad and I modelled the behaviour but we don’t! We very rarely argue.
I’ve not got any magic wand advice but what you have done is what we do (talk it through explain it is unacceptable, I’m also much quicker to nip it in the bud now as is their dad.)

Anyway, we’ve all been pushed to our limits from time to time and no harm has been done, hopefully they will get the message!

My mum did this too, probably when I was a similar age actually. I was absolutely terrified that she wasn't going to come back, and that it would be my fault. From then onwards, I was so scared of doing anything wrong in case she left again.

OP, it's fine to need some time out. But do NOT let your kids think you're not coming back. They need to know that you need some quiet time to yourself, and that you will be back later.

Bickering is normal with kids. Did you not argue with your siblings? There's little you can do about it.

'Sanctimummy' is a great word, not heard it before. I'll definitely be using that in the future!

It takes me back and brings me out in a sweat but it’s not forever. I used to just roll my eyes at the parents who pretended their little darlings were not arguing fist fighting all day … or many days of holidays …. In town when my eldest heard a sickly sweet voice from a mother talking to her children .. he said “that’s not normal is it Mum “? 😂😂my boys are in their 30s and we have 5 beautiful grandsons between them .. eldest age 7 … they fight enough as it is atm .. ( although eldest lads boys are 4 and 1 so … it’s not started yet 😂… and another tip Don’t take teens on holiday unless you can leave them with trusted close family 😁They don’t want to be with you.. fact and it’s an utter waste of time and money. You’re not strange but just find another safety valve if you can. It’s totally normal and if any other parent says theyeve not got children like that then A. They’re lying or B. They don’t look after them all day or hardly at all 👍

"do NOT let your kids think you're not coming back"

Absolutely. How anyone can disagree with this is mind-boggling.

It's far from saying you have to behave perfectly. But there's a line!

This sounds like a response from a parent who will act surprised and hurt when her kids go no contact one day.

They are 9 and 12, I'm sure they would realise she was coming back.

😅😅😅 TBF that's the sort of thing my DB and I might have done in the same circumstances! We were little shits ourselves at times. I once booted a dent in my DB's bedroom door in fury, because he wouldn't let me in to thump him. 🤬
Our poor parents! 😅

I agree with this. It is not the children’s ages - you can reasonably leave a 12 and 9 year old for a short time. But their behaviour towards each other won’t improve if you don’t parent them and instil respect for each other in them.

It’s hard and I’m sorry you are going through this. But this is your life, and this is the life you have chosen. You can’t just walk away from it I’m afraid.

Come on people I was babysitting at 12!
However as it was a sudden move I think I would have just gone to the car at sat there. If one of them had panicked they could find you fairly easily.

I walked away from my 3 year old throwing a tantrum in a supermarket once. I stood where I could see her but she could not see me. She remembers. She also stopped tantrumming once the audience was out of sight. Left her for about 3 minutes, not out of my sight.

Apart from @Nousernameideaaga

It's comments like this that make me wonder WTAF is wrong with some people. She left for a few minutes. She's not done a Lord Lucan🙄

Here’s fucking hoping!

You've never forgiven her. Fucking hell. What a charmed life you must lead if you still hold this against her.

My mum did this to me when I was about 14.

My dad had died of cancer a few months earlier, and my grandad was now dying of cancer on a hospital bed in our living room. My mum was facing the sack from her low-paid job because of all her sick/caring/compassionate leaves.
The day she walked out I was being a sulky teenager about some nonsense.

My mum said "I can't fucking deal with this life", grabbed her keys and left the house for a few hours.

No, it didn't feel like she was abandoning me 🙄
It made me wake the fuck up and realise what a whole heap of shit she was dealing with, and how little she needed me being a little fucking twat on top of that. I honestly think it was a massive turning point in our relationship.