Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

My DM done this twice two, no cars, out in the rain. It did not leave any long lasting impact or upset. I got it even then, she was overwhelmed, she’s human.
She had everything of us constantly squabbling.
The bad news it didn’t stop us for long.

I think there’s something to be said and to be recognised for OP being on her own.

We tag in and out a lot. A lot. My partner went downstairs during a tough bedtime last week and said “do not let him follow me.”

That option isn’t there when you’ve got two bickering kids and absolutely nobody to give you that break you need.

If your situation is the same, are you saying you still haven’t forgiven her for leaving you for a few minutes peace when you had a strop? You need to get a grip. And I say that as someone who grew up in care. You clearly have no idea what abandonment is and your reply to the OP comparing this to life-changing child abandonment has actually really annoyed me!

My mum spent my whole childhood threatening to leave, packing her bags and actually leaving, and threatening suicide. It has created lifelong issues for all of her children, me included, around people-pleasing behaviour, unhealthy independence and attachments in relationships.

This is very different from OP extracting herself from a situation to clear her head and avoid saying or doing something that could be harmful at worst or unhelpful at best.

Is it ideal to leave kids that age alone? No. Is it the worst thing in the world - also no.

I hope your conversation with them later is productive. It's only harmful if you just fuck off without context and overly blame them. Conversations framed as, "I love you both so much but the level of friction between you and the atmosphere it creates in the house is unacceptable and completely overwhelming. You are both old enough to do better, and it can't be nice for either of you, either, so we need some strategies to get along better because this pattern of behaviour ends now. Let's have your ideas."

Whenever I asked my son for input on how I should discipline him or what chores he should do, he always went further than I would have done. They can parent themselves, if you let them. ;-)

That's quite chilling, can you link to examples, especially where the boy is 12?

Me and my brother aged 11 and 9 were bickering as usual in the car one day. My mum had enough, stopped and yelled until we got out. Then drove off. We were shocked, but quickly came round and decided to hide behind the hedge to scare her, knowing she'd probably be back in a few mins and she was. So it actually taught us to pull together and certainly didn't cause any long term trauma 😂

Try what I did with my boys. (Now parents themselves) sit them down facing each other and tell them to take it in turns to insult the other. They'll start with the "I hate you," "You're annoying," etc.comments then run out of ideas. Make them keep going if they stop. It'll then degenerate into comments such as, "Your feet smell," getting sillier and sillier till they're both giggling.

You’re human. Your nervous system has a limit. You can’t regulate if you’re not regulated yourself. It was either erupt and snap, saying or doing something you’d regret, or taking a breather to give yourself time to reset.

They’re not going to have abandonment issues or be traumatised because you left them alone for 30mins.

Is it cheerleading? Because I've seen understanding, not cheerleading.

My mum did this to me when I was younger, it was quite traumatic as I genuinely believed she'd left forever - came out years later in therapy after I had my own children 😬

Having my own children though I can completely understand why you lost it with them - perhaps working on your own emotional regulation could help moving forward?

Incredible attempt here to make OP feel like stepping out means she has damaged her relationship with her children for life, followed by the "deep breaths" to make out you have her best interests at heart. Mumsnet at its finest.