Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

Agree with this 100%

I’ve actually only responded to 3 (4 now) posts, one asking about their bedroom situation, one where the poster said something about posters praising me to say that’s not how I’m taking it, and you.

the only posts I’m ignoring are the ‘well, you decided to have kids…’ and similar, as I just don’t think they are helpful.

This is a reflection on you, not their behaviour - which is entirely normal for children. If you genuinely love and care for these children you will get help to better regulate yourself or you will lose them for good.

I once had had enough, me and hubby left the house at 6 pm on a Saturday and headed off in a taxi to the city center, stayed in a hotel and had a great time. Don't think the kids noticed we'd left for hours. Around lunchtime next day hubby suggested we go back, I said absolutely no way, because I knew they'd still be in bed. Plus we were having a lovely time together with no kids .............

The relief of being away from them. They were right contrite by the Sunday and we all went for a lovely Sunday lunch. With a less frazzled me ! Great decision. You're are a tad too young yet .........

I think giving yourself a breather was fine and you all needed the space.
I probably wouldn't have left for quite so long though without them knowing how long I would be gone for and if I was coming back.
It's only now at similar ages that I will leave mine to nip to the supermarket but I always check my son's phone is charged and he knows where it is so I can contact him/he can contact me if there is an issue. They also know roughly how long I will be gone for.

YABU you’ve taught your children that you’ll abandon them when things are hard and you’ve taught them that when there’s an argument they can just run off! What if you’d had an accident in that time?!

It’s fine to need space but that’s another room, or the end of the garden.

Go home. Send them to their bedrooms, turn wifi off, tell them 2 hours to think about their behaviour towards each other.

Mine are older now but I do remember what it was like when they were utter pains in the arse and get on your last nerve. I never left my two like you did (though no judgement) but I’d occasionally wrangle them into their rooms early in the day and tell them to fucking stay there!

I think it’s fine to leave a 9 and 12 year old alone for half an hour. It’s the threat implied in not explaining what was happening and the blame placed on them to “consider your feelings” rather than accepting responsibility for your own feelings that I think are the issues here. Deep breaths, like someone else said, will help more than transferring responsibility for your feelings onto your children. It’s quite possible this will have the desired effect, but then they may grow up to feel comfortable in abusive relationships, blaming themselves for their partners inability to control their feelings (speaking from experience).

I am probably the least likely person to do what you’ve done OP, I am a really calm parent - I’m not saying this to brag. I actually think it’s a fault of mine. In stressful situations my mind just goes blank and I just have to pause for a moment before my brain starts working again and I can react. This is usually great for me when it comes to parenting! But at the same time, my children will never learn that I have a limit. I think it’s important for older children to learn that everyone has a limit.

Removing yourself from a situation that is too stressful for you is the best decision you could make. What other option do PPs suppose you had when you felt the way you did? Removing yourself from the situation is better than a shouting fit or whatever else. Or are they just suggesting you shouldn’t have felt so stressed? Well, too bad - you did feel stressed. You’re only human.

In many countries 9 year olds are walking to school alone each day with zero issues. We have a tendency to coddle in this country. A 9 year old at home for 30 minutes with their older sibling will be perfectly fine under the circumstances.

Except that my mother did it about 50 years ago and neither I nor my (many) siblings was a feral child. We’re all highly successful adults now!

It’s hardly abuse: it’s showing that even a perfect mother has her limits and is human. It’s actually a tough lesson to learn but an essential one.

As for saying that @patiencehasgone has caused damage? There are hundreds of things which are likely to cause far more damage than a mother removing herself for half an hour or so when children are pushing her past endurance.

Being bullied at school, absent fathers, actual physical abuse and so on. Far more damaging than a one-off moment when a mother removes herself from bickering children who have stopped listening.

When I was teaching I had what my doctor called an opera singer's throat, when I was speaking to a class I would suddenly start to cough and my throat was very dry, it would often lead to tears! Once teaching a low set who could be hard work the lesson was going well but as I was speaking I started to cough and tears flowed, I walked out of the room and got a glass of water, I was gone maybe a couple of minutes. When I returned there was deathly silence and scared looking faces until I said Sorry about that, it happens occasionally! They wondered what they'd done wrong!

Lots of very OTT and blaming posts on here.
When did we become so coddling towards our children?
You haven't scarred them for life at all but you made them sit up and take notice and you removed yourself from a situation where you could have just ended up shouting at each other.

I don't think you did anything wrong and don't blame you for it at all. Bickering kids at the age yours are at can be unbearable to be around.

The post you seem baffled by doesn't surprise me. My DB and I were regularly left home alone for an hour or so from the ages of six (me) and eight (DB). I was walking the mile to and from primary school alone from about six or seven, crossing a main road via a zebra crossing. From seven or eight, my class teacher would regularly give me cash and send me out on small errands to shops near the school. And I was walking to our local swimming baths, having a swim, getting changed again and coming home again, on my own, at the same age.

It was different times but I think children were trusted and expected to be more mature back then than they are now.

Sometimes children, and others, are responsible for making us feel a certain way, because their behaviour has been unacceptable.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with teaching children to be mindful of how they impact others, or with making it known when they’re out of line.

I think it’s right to teach my son to consider others, and that actually his wants and behaviour don’t always take priority. It’s not just his world, he has to share it with other people, and sometimes him wanting to yell about chocolate bars does not take priority over someone’s desire to not listen to it.

Unreasonable is unreasonable, and once children are old enough to learn what that means, we should teach them it.

Ive definitely done this! Mine are older and still bicker about the most stupid stuff and deliberately annoy each other.

Do you mean never ever or just when you're driving? One is ridiculous, the other is perfectly sensible. I had a pint of cider the other week with my lunch at Whetherspoon's, didn't feel drunk and I can't drive anyway. People drink driving can get in the bin.

Oh my goodness, what a lot of judgy comments.

Mums are only people. It’s hard, especially when you have to work, run a household, care for parents etc.
@patiencehasgone so what, you snapped and got some space? Its ok.
Maybe it will teach them not to be twats and that people have tipping points.

In the 80’s mum absolutely lost her shit when my brother and I were arguing over a weetabix (out of a big packet of them we both wanted the same one) she came running downstairs and shouted so much and swore. We phoned my dad at work and told him, this was back in the days of landlines and he assumed it was an emergency, when he soon realised it was a squabble about cereal that tastes like cardboard he was equally annoyed.

Now I am an adult I know that she was probably at the end of her rope and we had been naughty for days, I haven’t been scarred for life and my mum and I get on fine. I completely understand why she did it.

Christ trust this to be the first comment on here lmao. OP they will be fine for an hour if it allows you to hold on to your last nerve.

There is a big difference between teaching our children to be mindful of others, and an adult acting out of anger and blaming our children. “You made me do this because you made me angry” is probably a phrase or paraphrase extremely familiar to anyone who has been in an abusive relationship. And most of us learnt to accept this, because it’s how we had been raised. Not necessarily with violence, but just the idea: I have to change my behaviour, always aware that what I do might trigger anger and therefore unwanted behaviour from my parent/sibling/spouse.

Why can people not control their kids anymore. Honestly, my parents would have given consequences in no uncertain terms, and stuck to them.

You haven't "walked out on them", you've just popped out to cool down.

Too many people who have "had therapy" posting on here I think....

For God's sake - the kids are not toddlers or babies.

They probably won't even notice the OP is gone.

I am sure there are planets, or cuckoo lands, or make believe words where every single time there is a bicker or a row the parents sits calmly and beautifully and explains to children (who listen patiently and wonderfully) why they should not bicker. Then they rinse and repeat. The parent never gets tired, exhausted or simply fed up of the lot of them.

Meanwhile, here on planet earth...

In truth, if the behaviour was arguing about a face cloth, it’s not unreasonable to teach them that that’s ridiculous and it’s going to gain a reaction.

You can’t seriously think that we should just sit back while our kids argue all day about random household objects, and not make totally clear that that’s bullshit behaviour and nobody’s accepting it?

I don’t think there’s any issue with letting your kids think that behaviour needs changing - it often does.

FWIW, just incase it’s not clear haha, I don’t agree with or endorse “gentle parenting” or anything similar whatsoever. I don’t have a gentle child, I have a feral child who sometimes needs a stern telling off to bring him back down to planet earth.

Sitting back and letting children argue all
day, shouting and storming off out of the house saying “I’m done with this” are not the only options here.