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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry a new baby could affect my daughter?

127 replies

workingmama111 · 19/08/2026 14:37

My partner and I are thinking about having a baby together, and I’m feeling really emotional about it.
I have a 5-year-old daughter and it’s been just me and her for so long. We’re incredibly close, and I think that’s why the thought of having another baby scares me so much. I’m worried that she might feel pushed aside, replaced or somehow distant from me once there’s a baby needing so much of my attention.

My partner doesn’t have children of his own, and I finally feel like I’m ready too. I really want to experience having a baby with him and growing our family, and I can genuinely picture us having another child. But then I think about my daughter and feel this huge sense of guilt and fear.
At the same time, I actually think it could be really lovely for her to have a sibling. I don’t have much family myself, and sometimes I think about her growing up and wish she had more family around her. I love the idea of her having someone who is there throughout her life, even though I know siblings don’t automatically become best friends!
She also has a beautiful relationship with her stepdad, and her dad is very much in the picture. We all get along well, so she has lots of people who love her. I think I’m just particularly protective because our relationship has been the one constant for so long.

I guess I’m finally at a point where I feel ready for another baby, but I’m scared that making that choice could hurt my daughter emotionally.
For anyone who had a second child when their first was around 5-6 did you have these same worries? How did your older child actually find it? Did your relationship with them change? And did you ever look back and feel that having another child was the right decision for your family?

OP posts:
HollyhocksandPeons · 28/08/2026 13:00

Batcats · 26/08/2026 14:04

This is absolute madness. I'd love to see some statistics on this. Most studies show there isn't an optimal or ideal age gap and that children are not automatically negatively effected because they are 5 years older than their sibling 🙄.

My husband is nearly 6 years older than his sibling. Did they argue when they were younger. Of course but so do all siblings. They are the best friends now and have been since they were teens, his brother is a beloved uncle to our children, his children much loved cousins. We go on holidays as a family and my husband and his brother are close confidants and a support to each other.

My cousins have a half sibling who is respectively 10 and 12 years older than them. My step cousin has always been close to them and they are very close family.

I also have various friends who have age gaps over 5 years with their siblings. Absolutely none of them are these traumatised, unhappy children you make them out to be and they have close sibling bonds in adulthood.

Edited

Lulu died and gone to heaven (c).

Anarchy99 · 28/08/2026 14:06

Batcats · 26/08/2026 14:04

This is absolute madness. I'd love to see some statistics on this. Most studies show there isn't an optimal or ideal age gap and that children are not automatically negatively effected because they are 5 years older than their sibling 🙄.

My husband is nearly 6 years older than his sibling. Did they argue when they were younger. Of course but so do all siblings. They are the best friends now and have been since they were teens, his brother is a beloved uncle to our children, his children much loved cousins. We go on holidays as a family and my husband and his brother are close confidants and a support to each other.

My cousins have a half sibling who is respectively 10 and 12 years older than them. My step cousin has always been close to them and they are very close family.

I also have various friends who have age gaps over 5 years with their siblings. Absolutely none of them are these traumatised, unhappy children you make them out to be and they have close sibling bonds in adulthood.

Edited

I know of people who have reached adulthood resenting the hell out of their half siblings, esp if they aren’t close to their own fathers because they have felt second best.

Their parents have never been told that they feel this way - so it’s not always as simple as it looks

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