To ask when we lost sense of basic social etiquette?

[iveseenthefilms]

I got the train after work today and realised people just have no manners at all. Barging on the train before people had got off, not pausing to allow people out of their seats when getting off, being noisy and disruptive, just generally being unpleasant.

AIBU to ask what is wrong with people and when did we become like this? It’s sad!

One thing I've always noticed is that the worst people expect the best treatment from others.

This!! Petty passive aggressive behaviour is more obnoxious than either forgetting to say thank you or failing to notice thing that should have been thanked!

Step aside/hold the door/whatever because you want to do a nice thing because that’s who you are. Don’t then undo it by showing that your politeness is just a veneer that disappears if the other person doesn’t display the appropriate gratitude 🙄

I hate to admit it but I’ve started fighting fire with fire. When someone is rude towards me I’m even worse back. I was at my daughter’s graduation in line to go into the ceremony when a lady cut in front of me. When we got to the front I walked back around her to get in. She had the nerve to say ‘how rude’. She was very lucky I was at my daughters graduation and I managed to keep my trap shut 😂
I really try and hold on to the lovely interactions I have and the decent people in the world. At a theme park the other day a lovely young man very kindly let me and my children go before him for no reason at all.

Woah! I have never, ever heard a woman complain when a man held a door open for them. It doesn’t matter if you are man, woman, child, donkey, whatever you identify as, if you are behind me when I go through a door, I will hold it for you, and I will stop and open a door for you if I think you are struggling. Nothing to do with who you are, it’s manners!!!!

It's particularly bad at London Bridge, where I now just shout "MOVE !" now when the door inevitably coincides with a large group of tourists heading to Gatwick, who start pushing their luggage on as the doors open.

I see - particularly during school holidays - some parents pass-agging passengers to stand up and allow them all to sit together (particularly when the kids are teenagers) during the rush hour. Am I going to stand for 40 minutes ? No, I am not. I decades gone by, parents would have been getting their kids to stand up for adults.

But I also sometimes see this rather exaggerated respect when I'm getting off the bus at the terminus and everybody queues behind the guy in the wheelchair, making sure he gets off first, when I am sure he'd much rather NOT have the pressure of a ton of eyes as he gently edges forward (and everybody behind him wants to catch their train.) So there's that.

One day you might say something like that to a violent moron. You are quite right in your comments (speaker phone in public really pisses me off), but not everyone will behave well when you challenge them.

Oh I'm so fed up with being in a lift, the doors open and someone charges in without leaving any space for people to get out. Same with getting off buses and trains.

There are nice teenagers.

It is a bit ironic to be telling people to ‘grow up’ on a thread about manners!
( in general I agreed with your original post)

Twice in the last week I have sat on the tube next to mothers with young children with their shoes on the seats. I said to the lovely little child pop your feet down. The mother said if her daughter needed telling something she would do so and I shouldn’t interfere. She proceeded to ignore the behaviour and me. Getting on to Thames Link later, massively overcrowded there was a mother with two children aged about 8 and 6 sitting across 3 seats. ( they were the flip up seats where you can rest your cycle) She was chatting away happily to them obviously a bright well educated person but entirely oblivious to the commuters sandwiched next to them. If it had been me I would have had the children share a seat or put one on my lap and offered the seat to one of the crushed travellers. My husband and I standing opposite her are in our seventies and look it but are thankfully fit. Can anyone explain this behaviour to me? I frequently see small children taking up seats on the tube and while I certainly wouldn’t want very small children having to stand in a packed carriage, older children in my view should be taught to give up their seats if adults are standing. This is what I did with my children.

If sitting next to someone on a video call or watching videos with no headphones, I just put my Instagram up full volume and scroll mindlessly through reels. My algorithm must be really annoying as they have always turned theirs off without question 😅 I then turn mine straight off and smile at them. I am aware I am not normal 🤣

Absolutely agree. I would always put one on my lap and even get one to stand right by me if an older person needed a seat. But I see this disregard for others all the time plus the prioritisation of children

I wouldn't expect children to stand for an able bodied adult. I'd put a toddler on my lap but not an older child that would be really awkward. I know things were done differently in the past but not everything stands the test of time.

What, you know so many languages that you can actually add words to your pointed finger?

It’s a thing these days. Children take priority over everyone no matter what. I actually understand that very small children are more at risk of falling/being squashed but the problem seems to be when does a small child stop being a small child. For some reason these days it’s horribly offensive to have a child sit on your lap. Apparently because they are humans they deserve their own seat as much as anyone else. Then I’ve seen the argument that children are more likely than an old person to cause bad damage to themselves if they fall. I’m not sure that’s true. I’m not denying small children could injure themselves but I’m pretty sure an elderly person would be more likely to suffer bad - possibly like changing - injuries.
Then you get people saying their “small child” is a 12 year old who deserves his own seat because he’s human, he’s likely to get badly hurt because he’s unable to stand as he’s a child (ignoring the fact he’s at the skate park everyone weekend doing tricks), and why should he stand anyway for all these rich boomers. That’s pretty much the mentality these days.

Why should an older child who generally travels free not be expected to at least offer a seat to a full paying adult? I agree it would be odd to be seated on an adults lap. Teaching a child to be aware of those around them, anyone who looks as though they might need to sit down is surely a good and considerate thing. I’m close to 70 but recently offered my seat to an exhausted looking workman with a heavy tool kit. He was relieved and grateful

I see seats as first come first served except when someone has more of a need.

None of this rings true where I live, which is a small town. People are generally polite, give way to each other on narrow pavements and don’t barge onto buses. A large group of teenagers use the buses to get to a local college and apart from the odd blaring phone, they are ok. Having said that, I often visit London, and commuted there for 30 years, and did not find it a hell hole of bad behaviour then and don’t now.

I like this idea. I often challenge people and they usually turn it off/put headphones on but I have had one person just carry on anyway! Maybe next time I’ll try playing them at their own game.

I agree. Kids have just as much right to a seat on the tube/train as anyone else. In fact if it’s crowded they’re smaller, can’t reach all the hand rails as easily, more likely to get knocked over. I would stand up and give up my seat for elderly person or someone who needed it more before I expected anyone under 12 to do so.

Would you like to explain the rationale for why they DON’T deserve a seat?

I’m not sure the fact they get free travel is a good argument for not getting a seat. As a 70 year old you get free travel…

The fare is paid for the journey not the seat. I've paid some very extortionate fares in my time for journeys where I've had to stand.

I get free travel at 70 but as I’m fit and able I always give up my seat to anyone who looks as though they need it more than me. My point is we should act with consideration and awareness to those around us. Parents should teach their children do the same. Clearly not tiny ones or those with issues or disabilities.

And my point is proven.