AIBU to think wishing away summer suggests unrealistic expectations of children?

[Sleepytimepleaseee]

My kids have just turned 5 and 3. The last year has been gradually easier, and now they play beautifully together most of the time. I wanted kids, I had kids, I had a hideous year where the oldest was in a hitting phase but apart from a few dark days I knew it would end and we'd come out the other side of it. We only have two weeks left of the summer holidays before they start school again and I'm sad. I enjoy their company, they are funny and kind and insightful, and I'll miss them when they go back. Am I unreasonable to think that unless life has dealt you a particularly cruel blow to have kids with additional needs you hadn't anticipated that to wish away the summer holidays suggests you hadn't considered what humans at that life stage are like?

Many people have to work over the summer holidays, juggle childcare and trt to keep everything running. Much easier ( and less expensive) in school terms

You are being small minded, rather than unreasonable. Most of the summer stress doesn't come from spending time with children, it comes from not being able to just spend the summer with your children.

I can't vote without knowing if you work full, part-time or not at all?

My children are younger but one is in term time nursery. I work part-time and have really enjoyed the extra summer days with them both but if I was working full time surely summer would be a lot of extra logistics and cost, with out-of-routine kids, and I can see that being difficult.

Yeah it strikes me as quite sad but I've only got one toddler so far (pregnant with my second) so what do I know?

Sad if people don't really enjoy spending time with their children but maybe they'll be brilliant during the teenage years.

Also expectations of parents these days are unhinged, everyone's judging you, according to some you should be constantly supervising and entertaining your children even as they get older. I'd say my best memories of summer holidays were being left alone to play in the garden.

Idk

I have an odd experience because my kids have always spent half the summer holidays with their dad since they were quite young, as we split up before my youngest started school, and my parents will sometimes have them for a week.

If I do have any time when I’m working and the kids are with me, I always booked holiday clubs up until they were too old for them. I can’t abide working with kids just rattling round in the background, I think it’s unfair on everyone - the kids, my employer and me.

Then I take a good 2.5 (or 3 when I’ve been lucky) weeks off at the end of the hols to make sure I get some proper time with them. The only time I didn’t have my time off in a block was last year and I didn’t like it as much.

Those who wish summer away, I think, are usually those who for one reason or another do have to juggle work and kids at the same time and I think that’s understandable.

I’ve only had the full six weeks off once when dd had just finished reception, as I was on maternity leave with DS. I really loved it tbh and I would imagine that would be the hardest one. I probably had most of it off the following year too. I don’t think it’s that reasonable to wish it away if you’ve got time off and adequate money / resources to get out and about.

What I think makes it go wrong for a lot of married couples/ those who are still together is the parents having their time off at the same time and then perhaps the Mum getting stuck with all the juggling for the rest of the hols.

I adore my kids but also work FT. I have wraparound and holidays sorted but also have some weeks I’ve had to take off because of childcare. They’re tough. When you work FT and have a week off but the week is filled with DCs it’s not “time off”, it’s not like I’m feeling refreshed and get to enjoy my kids, I’m shattered and have to keep tiny humans alive. I get sad that they’re growing up, I get overstimulated when they’re around. It’s not that I’m wishing summer holidays away, but I’m not loving every minute either.

You say that as if all life stages of a child are predictable and anyone struggling isn't being realistic. Children are different, lives are different. I have teenagers and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of this summer holidays but I also know how privileged I am to be in the right place to enjoy it.

I was freelance this time last year and took a big chunk of the school holidays off. It was great, we visited friends in other parts of the country, spent long days by the outdoor pool at my gym whenever the weather was nice, had picnics in the park and lazy days in front of a film at home.

This summer I’m working full time, required to attend my office in central London on set days of the week and have the usual annual leave allocation. Trying to juggle this with a shift working husband has been absolutely miserable and a total chaotic mess of holiday clubs and other childcare solutions held together with sticky tape.

My point is, it really depends on the situation you’re in.

Everyone is different and for some people they love their kids but don't always love parenting 24/7 or they just prefer the routine of the school year just like many people love their partners but still want a break from them at times.

I have a child with severe additional needs and he’s a joy. How awful to suggest it was ‘cruel’ to have him inflicted upon me.

Well it's lovely that you enjoy being with your children and that they play together, but some of us don't. Some have kids who hate each other (what do you suggest for that?), some can't stand the tiny child phase (I hated it because it was boring as hell), some have no money, no help and are having a horrible summer. Instead of being smug have some thought for others!

I’m not sure how wishing away the summer holidays has any bearing on whether someone had considered “what humans at that stage of life” are like. There’s really no crossover.
Some people hugely struggle financially with the additional cost of childcare so count down to September. Some struggle to split themselves appropriately between earning money and being available to ‘make memories’.
I’ve had a great summer with mine but we’re already 8 weeks into the holidays, the weather is shit how and they’re ready for a bit of routine and their own time with friends now. How does that mean I have no understanding of this stage of life?

If I worked full time rather than the half days I work now (like many parents) the summer would have cost me £1400 to see DS for the same number of hours as when he is at school.

I’m very pregnant this summer holidays. I’m looking forwards to the next stage of life starting with baby 3 and have just accepted that this is a bit of a crap, low effort summer holidays for the kids. Some years are just like that sometimes.

Your post annoyed me so much - a particularly cruel blow to have a child with additional needs WTF?? Just curious, have you had to juggle a really stressful job with childcare this summer OP?

Yeah you have ruined your thread @Sleepytimepleaseee with the comment about children with additional needs. I would ask for this to be deleted. It's not going to go well for you.

I think you’re just severely lacking in imagination OP.

I thought the same thing! I am sure your child is amazing. Terrible language from the OP.

I have a child with additional needs and I home educate them. I don’t feel I have been dealt a cruel hand at all, my child is wonderful. I have another child who is neurotypical and goes to school, I’m not wishing this time away either but I aware they are keen to get back to school and their friends and I love that for them. Perhaps you could consider home educating since you enjoy your children so much

YABU. I do not have unrealistic expectations of my children. I am very much aware of their strengths and limitations. DDs are 6 and 3. Eldest is a stickler for a routine so 6 weeks out of it is just too long for her and therefore also me. DH had the first 2 weeks off which was lovely we had lots of family time and days out. But the following 4 weeks were an absolute slog by myself trying to keep them entertained while DH worked full time. So yes by the time I went back to work today I was absolutely ready for a child-free day!

Wait until you’re spending all your wages having them looked after during the holidays, listening to them complaining about how much they hate holiday club, how bored they are, while you’re wrestling with guilt of having to work full-time. Then on the few precious days off that you do get to spend with them, you can’t afford to take them to all the cool places their friends are going to because you’ve got next to nothing left after paying for childcare, and you’ve still got a mortgage, bills and school uniforms to pay for.

Hmmm yes ok @Sleepytimepleaseee. you are looking at your life through the lens of just your life. I do have Dcs with additional needs but that’s not the only thing that can make life / summer holidays difficult. It’s great that your children get on beautifully. Mine do too now thankfully but there were a million different reasons that summers / life were hard when they were younger. And how it is for you now won’t be how it will always be. Hold back a bit.

However difficult it is, you should not be wishing time away. Find ways to make it less difficult.

This is literally what I am talking about. We have no family help, my DH and I do all the childcare. This is the first time since the eldest was born that he has been able to take consecutive weeks off. The kids hated each other for a while but we worked through it. Of course babies are boring high maintenance pot plants. But people should still enjoy it because this is the reality of having kids. Find the joy in the small moments because it's not all going to be beautiful.

It's fortunate that you are financially privileged enough for that to be an option. Most of us have to work.
I stand by my comment that having additional needs is a cruel blow - it's an extra difficulty that noone should wish on their child, and that noone dreams of for their child while they are waiting to be pregnant. Noone should want their child's life to be harder than it needs to be.