AIBU to think wishing away summer suggests unrealistic expectations of children?

[Sleepytimepleaseee]

My kids have just turned 5 and 3. The last year has been gradually easier, and now they play beautifully together most of the time. I wanted kids, I had kids, I had a hideous year where the oldest was in a hitting phase but apart from a few dark days I knew it would end and we'd come out the other side of it. We only have two weeks left of the summer holidays before they start school again and I'm sad. I enjoy their company, they are funny and kind and insightful, and I'll miss them when they go back. Am I unreasonable to think that unless life has dealt you a particularly cruel blow to have kids with additional needs you hadn't anticipated that to wish away the summer holidays suggests you hadn't considered what humans at that life stage are like?

OMG don't double down on that comment @Sleepytimepleaseee !!!

OP are you honestly lecturing other parents on summer holidays when you’ve experienced 4 weeks of summer holidays total in your entire parenting experience? Your oldest child is 5 years old, your experience of the school summer holidays are incredibly limited.

Yep, the whole thread is utterly tone deaf, and frankly very offensive. Awful thread, and the OP is refusing to acknowledge how offensive her comment about children with special needs is. I'm cringeing for her.

Hopefully she'll raise kids who are less small-minded and can read a room, but I doubt it!

Op with respect you are digging yourself a bigger hole talking about the "cruel blow of having a child with additional needs". Just stop.
Come back when your kids are teenagers, when they hate each other, answer you back, eat everything in sight, constantly tell you how bored they are and cost you an arm and a leg.

Yep. She just needs to say 'I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comment about children with special needs,' but she's too busy dictating to people, doubling down on her comments, and trying to be right, so this ain't gonna happen!

!

"I stand by my comment that having additional needs is a cruel blow - it's an extra difficulty that noone should wish on their child, and that noone dreams of for their child while they are waiting to be pregnant. Noone should want their child's life to be harder than it needs to be."
Why are you assuming anyone is wishing extra difficulty on their child?
This is illogical. You are lecturing us on finding joy in small things yet those of us who are happy and finding joy in our additional needs children are wishing difficulty on them? We accept them as they are and enjoy life what for what it is, precisely the attitude you are trying to espouse?

I think you need to stop with telling people how they should and shouldn’t feel. And stop commenting on parents with children with additional needs when you don’t have any yourself. Both things make you look really, really stupid.

Agee with others that there are lots of factors that can make school holidays challenging for some families. However, I’m also interested how you’ve managed the holidays, what have you been up to? What childcare you’ve had in place? And your plans for the next few weeks? This would help to understand your perspective.

Congratulations on managing 4 weeks total of summer holiday parenting. You must be the best parent ever.

As you don’t appear to have a child with additional needs, I’m not sure you are qualified to comment.
As I said, my child with severe additional needs is an absolute joy. He’s the happiest child I’ve ever met. I never wished additional needs upon him (what a weird thing to say 🙄), but equally nothing about having him has been a ‘cruel blow’.

I can see this has very much touched a nerve. I was acknowledging that parents with children with additional needs don't have it easy, but clearly that was taken the wrong way. By all means people are entitled to think what they like, and defend not wanting to spend time with their kids if they need to under the guise that it's hard work/they are grumpy teens/it's expensive...all of which are not exactly a surprise.
The whole narrative that parents are heroes for surviving a short amount of time with the humans they chose to create is irritating and depressing.

I'm in Wales so this is my third round of summer holidays. I'm self employed, work full time but juggle my work to keep the summer free for childcare and take the financial hit. It's not ideal, but we just scrimp for a few weeks. Partner works full time and is out of the house 7.30-6 Mon-Fri. No family help or other childcare. Our days are spent walking the dog, going to the beach, going to the country park we have membership for, pottering at home and local parks. The weather has helped. Last two weeks we'll probably go swimming as the weather isn't so good. No holiday this year, can't afford it.

@Sleepytimepleaseee · Today 21:37

I can see this has very much touched a nerve. I was acknowledging that parents with children with additional needs don't have it easy, but clearly that was taken the wrong way. By all means people are entitled to think what they like, and defend not wanting to spend time with their kids if they need to under the guise that it's hard work/they are grumpy teens/it's expensive...all of which are not exactly a surprise.

The whole narrative that parents are heroes for surviving a short amount of time with the humans they chose to create is irritating and depressing.

The irony in the last 2 lines of this post is breathtaking @Sleepytimepleaseee

You're making out that YOU are a hero for spending time with your children and apparently enjoying it!

And yes you clearly have touched a nerve with some. And you have upset a number of posters.

You don't seem to care though.

.

The whole narrative that parents are heroes for surviving a short amount of time with the humans they chose to create is irritating and depressing.

You’re just being antagonistic and obtuse at this point. There’s no narrative that says that, it’s not a thing.

Congratulations on enjoying every minute of your only parenting summer holidays, while somehow making the most of every second with your children but also simultaneously working somehow.

Well, I personally find your posts irritating and depressing. I'm embarrassed for you. But I'm rather enjoying someone dig themselves deeper and deeper so do continue!

I think this is partly your answer - you have managed to free up the summer to just be with your children. Most people are still trying to work and look after them/sort childcare. I love our holiday away as that is just time I can be with my kids. The rest of the summer isn’t weeks of swimming and walks and the beach - it’s working full time and feeling awful sending my kids to a club they may or may not want to go to depending on the day. At least with school they look forward to being back with their friends. I think you are just having a very different experience to a lot of people.

Just echoing pps I guess.
we have a week of holiday left and I am getting to the point where I really need them back at school.

Yes, I enjoy their company, yes they’re easy kids who don’t need much supervision, but there comes a point in the summer holidays for those of us who work most of it and also solo parent where we really need to do the work that is expected of us and not the bare minimum. Nothing to do with wishing away time with the kids, it’s just much easier to juggle everything in termtime.

Yes my kids have had lots of days out and a holiday, no I don’t neglect them and wish they weren’t there, and yes I am exhausted at this point in the holidays.
I think you should maybe consider that other people have different circumstances, particularly frazzled working parents!

This. ^

I'm not sure many women really truly think what it'll be like to spend around 6 weeks with kids with partner out to work early to late, no! You really start to notice the structural sexism in society then.

And kids grow up, you know! I'm pretty good with tweens and teens but my god I found the stage you are at boring...

Also I enjoy and am good at my job and like to have a balance. Just like my husband.

I love my childrens company too but sadly they're currently at Granny's while DH and i work to pay the mortgage. We do always take a two week family holiday with them but we dont get enough annual leave to just be off all 6 weeks and the bills dont pay themselves.

I have had a lovely summer with my children who have additional needs. Thank you very much.

For someone so keen to find the joy in life, you sure sound pretty judgmental. Parenting is hard for all sorts of reasons. I don't blame anyone for looking forward to getting into a routine again.

I think you need to get over yourself.

Also....my children LIKE school and their term time routine. They love their sports & music activities and miss these when they stop over the summer.

They generally both prefer the predictable term time routine. Eldest has asked me twice in the last 3 days when school is back open.

The juggle of work and not being around as much as I’d like isn’t ideal. I enjoy time with my kids. I have taken about 10 days off but I can’t take off 6 weeks!