AIBU to think wishing away summer suggests unrealistic expectations of children?

[Sleepytimepleaseee]

My kids have just turned 5 and 3. The last year has been gradually easier, and now they play beautifully together most of the time. I wanted kids, I had kids, I had a hideous year where the oldest was in a hitting phase but apart from a few dark days I knew it would end and we'd come out the other side of it. We only have two weeks left of the summer holidays before they start school again and I'm sad. I enjoy their company, they are funny and kind and insightful, and I'll miss them when they go back. Am I unreasonable to think that unless life has dealt you a particularly cruel blow to have kids with additional needs you hadn't anticipated that to wish away the summer holidays suggests you hadn't considered what humans at that life stage are like?

YANU the stress comes from the fact you have 6 weeks to fill and most parents can't take 13 weeks off a year so it's hard working around them when they're too little to be left home alone unattended. This is why most mothers want school hours, term- time hours but sadly we can't all be TAs. It's expensive and takes a lot of organising especially if you don't have friends/family to help out.
My dd is a teen now but I hated the summer holidays! And I was lucky I could take her to work with me.

Crikey, people have really got hung up on the "cruel blow". For the sake of anyone who genuinely thinks I said that children with disabilities are not worthy of love (wtf) or couldn't provide joy (again, that's other posters inserting their opinions under the guise of it being mine), I simply meant that while parenting is hard, when there medical conditions involved it's extra hard. That doesn't mean it's not enjoyable, which was the whole point of the post.
I do appreciate and agree that juggling childcare and working is tough, but I think that's a different complaint to people saying they can't wait for their kids to go back to school so they can have a tidy house/not listen to bickering/basically avoid spending time with their kids.

I get what you're saying op and l work in a school so would love another few weeks off bit l also know l thrive on routine - plus my teenager is costing me money and it's only a tenner here, a fiver there but it all adds up..

The difficulty for most people is that they can’t rearrange their work in order to take the summer off and therefore need to scrabble about to ensure that the children are cared for. It’s nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with their kids.

It's really lovely that you enjoy the summer holidays so much. Good for you, genuinely! But there's no need to be sanctimonious about it.

I come from a big family and was well aware what young children were like. That doesn't mean I enjoy every minute of the school holidays or that I fundamentally regret being a parent.

I love my kids but -

They are happier and easier when on a routine.

I am an introvert and sometimes it just gets Too Much being around demanding little people all day.

But it's fine, I arranged my life around this - I work and use childcare and my DH does his share so the time I have with the kids, I mostly enjoy. I also usually book a weekend away with friends for September so that I get that to look forward to.

I would absolutely hate six weeks straight with my kids and I don't really care if you/others judge me for it.

The whole narrative that parents are heroes for surviving a short amount of time with the humans they chose to create is irritating and depressing.

It needn't irritate nor depress you. It has nothing to do with you and isn't some all-pervading narrative that should impinge on your life in any way. If you're so busy and so into relishing every moment with your DC, get on with it. I suspect if it was so fulfilling, then other people's (probably jokey for the most part) angles wouldn't bother you in the slightest. But I know time with young DC, even when they're your own and you love them to bits, can be boring and your mind wanders. It's fine to see all sides, but your judginess doesn't suggest your way is better.

Come off it. If you have any awareness of the English language (and you do appear to), you’d know that saying ‘I understand that it may be difficult if you have a child with additional needs’ is entirely different to describing it as being ‘dealt a cruel blow’. And then doubling down and suggesting that those objecting to the phrasing must have been ‘wishing’ additional needs on to our children.
Id have far more respect for you if you just said ‘hands up, I phrased that badly’. Then everyone could go back to concentrating on the main premise of your post. Which I still disagree with.

Crikey, people are upset you called their children a particularly cruel blow? Who’d have thought it?!

5 and 3 year olds are pretty easy to entertain. I too enjoyed summer holiday when mine were that age. It's much harder now they're a bit older. They don't all want to do the same activity, they love to argue, they can be moody and ungrateful at times. They miss all their friends and the routine of school. The holidays cost me a fortune in food etc and the stress of juggling work. So, I don't think you can comment on how others should feel when your own experience of parenting is so very narrow.

@Jaimelefromage you’d think wouldn’t you, however it’s clear that empathy and emotional intelligence aren’t OP’s strong suits so it would be unfair to expect too much

Yabvu with the cruel hands comment, and more so for doubling down. Children with additional needs are not someone to be endured or suffered through, what an offensive point of view.

I am lucky, DH is a teacher so when i am not off and we can't therefore spend time as a family, he has ds, and we do have a tiny village of grandparents for the odd day too.

I love spending time with ds (8, ADHD but we certainly.dont feel anything other than blessed to have created such a wonderful.tiny human), but this age is hard (including for nt children), they're joy and love but also whining, boredom and frustration. I've been explaining to ds that it is possible to both enjoy the time off and be missing his friends/want to go back to school

Yes I agree. I’d probably have been quite smug when my elder 2 were 5 and 3 too. They were basically happy with anything we did… playground, scooting round a park, library, swimming etc. Then they hit an age where the only days out that hold any real interest are insanely expensive, and they miss their school friends, and often their hobbies will have a summer break so they’re missing that…

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

spot on.

The suggestion was also that they understand those of us with disabled not enjoying the holidays.

As if all parents with disabled children have identical children with identical needs blah blah blah.

FWIW my own severely physically disabled child who requires a lot of support competed at British championships this summer holiday. Won 3 medals no less.

Maybe I should feel sorry for the OP and the blow of most likely 2 averagely standard children who are not likely to achieve the same?!

OP admit it. Your post was smug. It was designed to look down on those who haven’t had the luxury of being home all summer with their children and who have enjoyed it if they have.

Depends really. If you are skint, alone, struggling with your mental or physical health etc etc. I imagine it must be hell for many parents and kids.

I think your point about being an introvert is really pertinent here. I bloody love my kids, but I don't want to be around anybody 24/7 for six weeks straight. Add to that the fact that I found the endless round of park/softplay/splash pad relentlessly tedious and yeah, I did wish away some of the mid primary summer holidays.

My kids are older now, into teens or nearly, and the last two summers have been genuinely gorgeous because we can do more grown up stuff, and because they are organising their own stuff with friends so there is some breathing room. And some people might love the holidays with small people and find teens harder or more distant and that's ok too. It's almost like we're all different and find different things easy or hard...

Genuinely what was the point in your post? Were you just looking to shame parents who struggle through the summer? I love the summer holidays usually, I'm a SAHM and have a reasonable amount of disposable income to spend on extra food, days out, holidays etc. The kids (4 and 8) and I have a lovely time.

This year I'm pregnant, we've had building works so our garden is out of action as is half of our downstairs. DH is largely working from home because of a herniated disc in his back. I'm absolutely exhausted, and cannot wait for them to go back. We've got barely any space, I need them to be quiet so they don't interrupt their dad, and consequently we need to get out pretty much every day, which is exhausting when you're 5 months pregnant. Oh and my mum is having medical problems which mean she can't drive so I'm having to run around after her too, and she lives 2 hours away.

Yet still, I've got it infinitely easier than so many other people.

But yeah sure, let's just judge anyone who struggles through the summer.

Mine is this exact age. He's chomping at the bit to get back to football (friendly this weekend, yay) and misses his mates but isn't old enough to walk across town to go and knock for them.

I have loads of lovely photos of us both at National Trusts when he was little but we have done every local one including their activity sheet to death so I've not bothered renewing our membership. Even going to a swimming pool involves £12 return train to Bath as our pool was demolished and is being rebuilt plus the other smaller local leisure centres are full of fast track swim schools.

I love everyone much more when I'm not with them.

I found the young years hard bloody work. As a teacher, I was fortunate to have most holidays off with them- unless my weeks were out of sync. However, small children after dealing with teenagers for weeks on end. Was often just too much.

And you can't tell people to enjoy it! Mine never slept. There are bits you enjoy and bits you don't. I've enjoyed the teen years, in spite of difficulties, much more. I look back with fondness on the young years, but I don't forget how hard and boring a lot of it was. Conversation with a 5 yr old is much less rewarding than with a sparky 14 yr old or politically engaged 17 yr old. And they sleep in.

I disagree with your post on many levels, as the human experience is unique and we’re all allowed to find different things easy or hard - and a ‘cruel blow’ to you will be a gift and joy to another.

However I personally think the bigger point here is that the society we are part of has not created equal choice for parents in how they spend their summers. For some people the juggle of putting food on the table whilst simultaneously entertaining children must be immense. You have small children now, but as they grow they often want more expensive pleasures and freedoms. Other families have the financial freedom to take every opportunity out there.

So how on earth can you judge how anyone feels and reacts if there isn’t even a remotely level playing feel to start with.

You don’t work and yoir children are infants. You are in charge of what happens when they are little like that. When they get their own interests and their own friends that they want to see…that’s when it gets difficult.

You do rather remind me of a fellow mum who overheard me talking to another mother about the summer activity days at school (trying to coordinate days the kids go together). We asked if her child was going and she said ‘no because I LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH MY KIDS’. Well excuse me Ms Privilege who had a live in housekeeper so if she needed to go to the shops or dentist or whatever she could just walk out the door. I was a single parent (widow) and a very active son who just wanted to be moving all the time. The activity days were a godsend. He saw his pals, he was outside being active, he learned and new skills, and I could get on with work and other responsibilities. I never ‘wished the summer away’, but I needed a break (I have another child too who also went).
I love my children but make no apologies for saying that summer holidays can be wearing.

You sound sanctimonious and judgey as hell. Everyone is on their own journey and has different circumstances to juggle. Mine are teens and I have loved this summer with them but I have had really hard summers too - mainly when I was a single parent juggling work and entertaining and it was bloody hard. Didn't mean I loved my kids less, I was just stressed and guilt ridden and a post like this then might have made me feel like shit.

Nobody sails through parenting without a few trials and tribulations, and yes, occasionally craving the return to normality that comes with the kids being back at school.

I am genuinely delighted that you are having a great time with your kids, thats awesome, but it doesnt make you better or more worthy than someone having a different experience. I hope when you do hit that parenting wall, which you will at some point, that you manage to avoid sanctimonious stealth bragging like your post! Yes, yabu!

Wait till yours are 9 and 7, constantly bickering, winding each other up and tearing chunks out of each other. You might rue this thread! 😂

My middle daughter started back at football training last night after their summer break and she was ecstatic!
I hear you on the swimming pools too. I’ve tried multiple times to take mine swimming but the public slots are really limited due to swimming lessons/summer fast track courses.
We’ve also done NT to death. My elder two will still happily come for a meander and a scone to be fair, but not more than once every couple of weeks! We’ve been to every NT place within a 30 mile radius at least 3 times over the years.