AIBU to think wishing away summer suggests unrealistic expectations of children?

[Sleepytimepleaseee]

My kids have just turned 5 and 3. The last year has been gradually easier, and now they play beautifully together most of the time. I wanted kids, I had kids, I had a hideous year where the oldest was in a hitting phase but apart from a few dark days I knew it would end and we'd come out the other side of it. We only have two weeks left of the summer holidays before they start school again and I'm sad. I enjoy their company, they are funny and kind and insightful, and I'll miss them when they go back. Am I unreasonable to think that unless life has dealt you a particularly cruel blow to have kids with additional needs you hadn't anticipated that to wish away the summer holidays suggests you hadn't considered what humans at that life stage are like?

THIS

YANBU. Mine are 5 and 3 too. They adore each other and play together wonderfully.

I’m a SAHM and we have no family help, so I’m with the kids all the time. I love it! They’re kind and clever, they make up great games and put on fun shows.

They’re a joy to be around and I really don’t want my eldest to go back to school because I’ll miss this.

Any point to this post other than to feel superior in some abstract way?

And yes I am one of those people that in your words 'life has dealt a cruel blow'. It's not wishing away the summer, it's wishing there was some help, support or respite to get through the six weeks which are absolutely exhausting with a severely disabled child.

Of course not

however I hate to rain on OP’s parade, but I was dealt the “particularly cruel blow” of having a gorgeous, wonderful child with additional needs, unlike OP my children absolutely do not play together beautifully, and I STILL love the summer holidays. So I suppose she must not love her children nor be as good a mother as me, in the same way she clearly thinks herself superior to other parents

There will be more holidays.

Hence why they have time to be writing them lol

I think it would be preferable to shorten them down to 4 weeks, just make it August only. 6 weeks feels like a huge break and it sets a lot of children back, the ones who get out of whack because they enjoy the routine of school. It’s also a huge childcare expense for lots of parents.

I think it’s nice for people who have access to a car or who live in a big vibrant city with lots of free/inexpensive things to do with kids but less so for those reliant on public transport in a crap part of the country with nothing going on. Must also be tough for parents without a garden.

Beautifully put. This was my point. In 2018 when I gave birth I wasn't exactly banking on COVID shutting down my entire industry and having to retrain!

I didn't appreciate the comment about it being a particularly cruel blow to have kids with additional needs! I have 3 with various levels of need and I have enjoyed them just as much as my children with no additional needs.

So not even a blow in life or a cruel blow even but a particularly cruel blow like having children with additional needs is the pits !

Very well said indeed

It's been great for me because I live near the coast in a rural area so we've just been constantly at the beach. I would not have wanted to be in a big city this summer.

Fair enough. Lots of kids would be bored shitless of the beach after the second or third trip… Suppose we’re all different.

Have you heard yourself ! You have v young kids in the peak of cuteness and you think that you.somehow have it all figured out motherhood wise. The condescention is dripping from.the screen.
Come back in 20 yrs and then give us your pearls of wisdom. You need to earn your spurs first.
And yes of course no one wishes disability or additional needs on their child. That goes without saying surely but those of us faced with it love and cherish our kids just the same. We dont refer to them as a cruel blow or see them as a burden. I love school holidays and dont wish them away because childhood is short and life goes quickly by and sooner than you.can believe your early years bubble will be gone.

I have always worked in schools which meant that when holidays came around I was lucky enough to spend them with my children.

I looked on in absolute admiration at how friends juggled the holidays and I also understood why they were stressed and wished them to be over.
It's the not being able to spend the holidays with your children that is stressful. Figuring out who will be looking after your children, the expense of it as well as trying to get in as much quality time with them without feeling mum-guilt that you can't constantly be there.

Spending every summer with my children has been a joy and privilege(especially in their younger years ). Just because people are wishing away the Summer break doesn't mean they don't appreciate or love their children.

I think it is astonishingly arrogant for someone who has only been a parent for 5 years to start lecturing all parents of all ages that they must enjoy all their time with all their children. Shit happens. Not everyone is exactly the same as you. Being told that I should only enjoy my children was a significant contributing factor in my postnatal depression, as a young mum with limited support. Grow up, be happy that you find this stage easy, and leave other people be.

The funny thing is, I’ve loved the summer holidays with my 7 year old with additional needs! He’s enjoyed having space away from the pressures of school and he loves being taken to different places/doing new things.
My two tween children with no additional needs however have been a pain in the bloody arse! Moaning, missing their friends who have been away a lot, too hot, bored….

You can love your children deeply and still find the holidays exhausting. Mine are up from 6am-10pm, it’s a long day (some additional needs affect their sleep). I find the arguments hard, and the lack of freedom about what I can do. There are some great times also when they do get on and play well together. It’s okay to find some parts fun and some parts hard imo.

Working full time and trying to scrape enough holidays together to be with them is also tough.

👏

I like the summer holidays too. Everything feels slower and more relaxed, kids have settled into a rhythm. However, I’m lucky to work 3 days a week so I only have the nightmare of juggling holiday club pick up and collection at 9am and 3pm (while supposed to be working 8.30 - 5) three days a week. Believe me work and summer holiday childcare are not compatible and unless you have other help it’s really really difficult. School hols and annual leave allowance are very much not equal and make it very stressful. And the cost?! £35 per day each for hol club. Plus babysitter 3-5.30 where needed is another £30. Holidays are financially hard. They don’t run the clubs the last two weeks of hols. So that’s a mad scramble for AL or other provision.

Life “dealt me an incredible blow” and have me a disabled child.

I also love summer holidays.

That’s a really awful judgemental way to view families with disabled children.

Some parents enjoy the long holidays and some don’t for a whole host of reasons. Finances, not being able to get AL and extra costs of childcare, DV which children are protected from at school, their own MH, their own disabilities .

But you carry on sitting there judging your 2 perfect children and your perfect summer.

This is the issue isn't it? The parents of DS's best friends both use the school wraparound care which is £7.50 from 3.15-5.30 but that's just gone in many areas in the holidays.

I used to babysit in the school holidays when I was at 6th form - I could have got the hours 5 times over.

Everyone’s reality is a different blend of challenges it would be wrong to compare how you feel with how other people are presenting.

One thing is for sure though, you only get a few summers with your children. Once they are teenagers they will be off living their own lives. It might well be the case that “there are the ‘good old days’.