AIBU to think wishing away summer suggests unrealistic expectations of children?

[Sleepytimepleaseee]

My kids have just turned 5 and 3. The last year has been gradually easier, and now they play beautifully together most of the time. I wanted kids, I had kids, I had a hideous year where the oldest was in a hitting phase but apart from a few dark days I knew it would end and we'd come out the other side of it. We only have two weeks left of the summer holidays before they start school again and I'm sad. I enjoy their company, they are funny and kind and insightful, and I'll miss them when they go back. Am I unreasonable to think that unless life has dealt you a particularly cruel blow to have kids with additional needs you hadn't anticipated that to wish away the summer holidays suggests you hadn't considered what humans at that life stage are like?

No one fully knows what's it like to have kids of any age until they have them and even then it's not predictable as some are harder work than others

Who knows what humans at x stage are like, before they have children? Not
most people.

That sounds great but I do think it’s different having the option to not work over the summer so you can focus on enjoying your time together and not juggling logistics. You must see that having to work over the summer is a different ballgame? Your children are also the perfect ages and your location sounds ideal for these types of low key days.

I do think there is a type of parenting ‘culture’(?) of constantly complaining about your kids and find that a bit tedious BUT to me that is different to complaining about the pressures or slog of the summer holidays.

Also, I’m not in Wales, are your nurseries term time only?

You can't dictate to people what they "should enjoy" though.

As a teacher I was lucky enough not to have to juggle childcare in the Summer holidays, and, now my dc are adults, I look back fondly at the long Summers we had together BUT I am honest enough to know there were days / weeks I could have throttled them. There were days that involved tears (mine as well as theirs).
Parents are allowed to have a moan.
Everyone is allowed to have a bad day, or a bad week.

No, before I had dc, although I knew the theory of being a parent, I had no idea what it felt like to have that daily exhaustion when sleep deprived, or those long weeks of rainy days and no money, or that my dc would go through a long period of winding each other up and fighting, and all the other 'lows' I've probably wiped from my memory. Sometimes we all need to let off a little steam, and a parenting website seems to be quite a good place to do it.

“Humans at that life stage”. 🤢

So, children, then?

I think you're creating a false distinction. I am lucky enough to have most of the summer free withy kids (teacher) and to largely enjoy the time with them. There have also been times this summer (and the rest of the year) when they've driven me mad. Yes, you should try to hold onto the nice bits wherever you can in life, but telling people that they can't complain about bits that are difficult for them is just not helpful at all!

Your post is tone-deaf and a bit naive. It’s great that you enjoy the summer with your children, but wasn’t it obvious to you before posting that this largely depends on an individual situation, and, to a lesser extent, also on the temperament of the children? Not everyone can take the summer off work, even if they could afford the financing hit; then of course some are reliant on earning money; and some have children that require full attention from 6am-9pm after a night of broken sleep I’m definitely not speaking about my 2-year-old and don’t even have time for a cup of coffee in the morning, then, after a few weeks, it’s nice when things are a bit more relaxed again. This doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy being a parent or spend time with their children.

I don't think you get it.

I've taken unpaid leave this year, in order to cut my working hours down to 3 days per week for the summer, and it has been so relaxing. Chilled out time at home, trips out, friends over, time to get organised for the next year, etc.

Last year, I was working more, and it was highly stressful. Getting the DC up at the crack of dawn to drive them 30 miles to the nearest 9 - 5 holiday camp (since the local ones all closed). Which they hated, and which cost me £500 per week for two DC.

Or juggling pickups and drops offs of nearer camps that latest 3 hours or something useless. Kids tired and grumpy from the long commute/constant changes. Me, feeling like i can't concentrate at work around constant background stress. Then, trying to fit in play dates, visits to family, days at the beach (memories!) around it all.

Cutting work in the summer is a life changing luxury.

I feel like you tried to add a caveat to your post to make yourself seem understanding of additional needs and actually just implied that parents can't possibly enjoy spending time with thier disabled children. Yikes.

It’s nice that you have it easy in the sense that your kids ‘play beautifully’ and you have the option to work flexibly. Many others don’t. I love my dc dearly but I find the holidays hard because I have to juggle work, they both have different needs/interests and I am constantly been pulled from pillar to post trying to meet everyone’s demands. I find it exhausting and am glad when the routine returns. It doesn’t mean I hate my kids or don’t enjoy spending time with them. It’s just a struggle.

1. School holidays are not a surprise, we all know they happen before we have kids so I don’t know why people then talk about how hard it is to manage the childcare side of things, surely this is something that should be considered when having kids in the first place? The same way we give thought to childcare in the pre-school years?
2. We should stop expecting to love/enjoy every single aspect of being parents. We can love our children and be good parents while also not actually loving every element of it, we really need to go easier on ourselves about that!

A lot can change in 5 years. My aunt retired early to help my cousin with her little boy and then died of cancer age 60 when he was 1.

Yes of course things can change, that particular situation would surely be quite rare though

When my child was school age, I was always full time, and don't recall ever wishing the holidays away. I would obviously take what leave I could in the holidays and we would go on holiday together. The rest of the time he went to holiday clubs and it wasn't any problem at all. The holiday club also did actual holidays, usually Saturday to Saturday for not much more than the cost of weekly childcare, sonI sent him on those too. He had an absolute great time and also wanted to go on the trips.

I was a single parent as well, with no contact with his father, so did it all alone, but it was fine. Often more straight forward because you don't have to deal with someone else's moods, dramas and demands.

Yup.

This.

I absolutely love my dc. I really really enjoy spending time with them and I love nothing better than day trips, forest school, library visits and beach days with them.

However I work. I have limited time off and also have a dh who works away/long hours. I also have caring responsibilities for older relatives.

I am utterly frazzled right now as our life only works in 2 scenarios - the term time one where everyone is in routine and we have a very firm timetable with wrap around childcare or the holiday one where I am off work.

Right now I am not off work, dh is not here, elderly relative is hard work due to heat, the dog is poorly, the childcare is at stupid times in hard to park at places. I am very much wishing the time away.

Last week I had Fri-Mon off and loved it. Next week we are going away as a family and I will love it.

Right now, having worked a late shift while dc have too much screentime at home and knowing I have to leave the dc outside the childcare before it opens in the morning to be able to start vaguely on time tomorrow - very much wishing the holidays away!

1. School holidays are not a surprise, we all know they happen before we have kids so I don’t know why people then talk about how hard it is to manage the childcare side of things, surely this is something that should be considered when having kids in the first place? The same way we give thought to childcare in the pre-school years?

@ZebraPyjamas what I believed I knew and understood about having children, and the reality of having children have been miles apart.

I haven't had the same job throughout, I haven't had the same children throughout. They haven't gone to the same schools, had the same physical health issues, been the same kids in terms of wants and needs and interests or been the same age throughout. We haven't loved in the same place, had the same income or suffered the same bereavement throughout.

It is frankly ridiculous to suggest that pre your very first pregnancy you should set out how you are going to manage summer holiday childcare when your potential dc are years 4, 7 and 9 for example and simply stick to it. Laughable.

And god forbid it not quite going to plan.

And only 3 years of having more than 1 child.
Only 2 children.
Never had to work through the whole summer.
UK based so summers are only 6 weeks long.

Adding up how many weeks of summer holiday I have done for comparison. I have 3 and we are in the US so approx 16 years times 11 weeks per summer.

So around 176 weeks of summer holidays here, with 3 children who pretty much never all got on.

Not to mention that my husband worked 1,000+ miles away half the time.

But hey the OP has done 4 weeks with 2 children and she knows everything and we all know nothing.

Can't comment on anyone else and everyone's different anyway but I love the summer holidays
And yes I am a single parent who uses holiday funds when I'm working
I still love it because it's still infinitely more relaxing than being at school. We get up that little bit later even when going to holiday clubs. We get to do fun stuff together. And just be together without all the school stress. I love it so much

You’re either obtuse or trying to rage bait, but you can like and love your kids and also find the days long. Hope that helps

It’s great that you want to acknowledge that parents with children with additional needs face extra challenges, but the way you worded that was so unbelievably crass and hurtful. So much so that I find it hard to believe you didn’t know it was a hurtful thing to say.

I am very guilty of wishing the summer holidays away but in all honesty I don’t feel any sense of guilt over it.

My children are the same ages as the OP; they aren’t ‘bad’ children or anything like that but they can become hyper and silly together in a way they don’t when separated. As such, over this summer I feel I haven’t really been able to enjoy them as individuals much, it’s been the three of us together every single day. I am longing for a bit of separation from them, as much as I love them!

My three year old especially is pretty easy but even easy three year olds need quite a lot of adult support.

It’s also been hideously hot for a lot of it.

Roll on September!

The posts I read on here and on Facebook are generally from parents who don’t work.