AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

We had a free bar, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’ve been to many weddings, some free bars some not. The weddings with the free bar were always the best atmosphere, not because everyone was drunk, you can get that at any wedding, because the generosity of the hosts made people happy. They felt wanted and welcome, not just witnesses to someone’s else’s enjoyment. I just don’t expect people to fork out loads of money to come to my wedding, the travel, the accommodation, the outfits and then expect them to host themselves. It’s just tacky.

Exactly this!

I think this is why my wedding felt fun and easy. No awkwardness but also we kept it local so no hotels required except for a small handful of non-local family.

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding a few years ago and basically felt like a photo prop.

I got married in 2010, no free bar, I've never been to a wedding with a free bar. Mum said I should, she's Irish and she says it's expected, but I didn't listen 😂

Free bar is standard at Punjabi weddings, never been to one that didn't have one. I would find it weird having to pay for drinks to effectively what is an invite to a party. Maybe it's a cultural thing.

I’ve lived in the US for 40 years and haven’t paid for a drink at a wedding that whole time, but timelines are very strict here. 1 hour for the cocktail hour and usually a couple of hours post dinner. There is a colossal amount of waste as people leave drinks behind all the time. Also drinks aren’t typically charged by the drink, a lot of venues have a package deal.

I’ve never had a free bar at a Uk/Irish wedding. Usually a welcome drink, wine with dinner and something to toast.

our daughter got married in Ireland a few years ago, so we compromised on an open bar between church and dinner (3 hours). The wedding went on until 4am, so free booze until then wasn’t in the budget!

I think you are NOT unreasonable to have people buy their own alcohol.

No one expects a free bar !! A welcome glass of fizz, wine bottle of red and white and a Prosecco on each table. Maybe a toast drink if you can afford it!! . No one expects an open bar!! Have fun and enjoy. I always think having a good band is the best thing to spend your money on.

I’m in Scotland and honestly you would bankrupt your self with a free bar up here!!

A free bar is not expected in Ireland usually, though reception drinks, wine and a toast later on are typically provided at weddings.

How the fuck is it tacky to buy your own drinks?

it’s incredibly sad and depressing that you only feel wanted if you have free drinks. I’m so glad I don’t have entitled friends and relatives who only feel valued due to free drinks

I’ve been to many weddings without free bars and they had amazing atmospheres and everyone felt welcomed and valued and didn’t have any issue paying for drinks. In fact I’ve had people tell me my wedding (with a bar they had to pay drinks for) was far better than the free bars where the atmosphere got ruined due to people unable to handle the drink intake due to it being free (including a bride who had a free bar - they regretted it)

Not unreasonable, do what you want at your wedding. It’s your budget. Most weddings I’ve been to have a pot of cash behind the bar and when it’s gone it’s gone. I’ve been to one where you got a ticket for a free drink too.

I’ve only been to one wedding with a free bar. They’re a very low maintenance couple and chose a small cheap venue and put 2k behind the bar as they just wanted a good party. All the other weddings I’ve been to I’ve paid for drinks so I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all

Some weddings have become the height of vulgarity and bad manners.

You’re inviting guests to an event you’re hosting, why should they have to pay once they’re there? What next? Asking them to pay for their meals?

There’s very little actual hospitality in many of the weddings I read about on Mumsnet.

Give us money - we’ve written a bad poem to soften that blow, dress according to our chosen colour scheme, travel to our venue and pay for accommodation and then buy your own drinks.

Is it a wedding or a funeral? 🤔

That's more than reasonable! The only time I've known a free bar was small weddings with wealthy people.

Never had a free bar at weddings. Free wine with the meal, but afterwards, not a free bar. I have seen a free bar at another function and people just took the p . Need to be rich to do that.

Anyone concerned about the behaviour of those taking advantage of a free bar, I'd be re-evaluating my friendship/relationship with them.

This suggests they're likely to take advantage of you (and probably others) in other ways further down the line.

If they haven't already done so.

Most don’t do a free bar in the UK. I don’t live in UK and the expectation when I got married was that there would be a free bar which is what we did. But none of my UK siblings had a free bar.

Some guests are so entitled and vulgar. It is not bad manners to not offer a free bar. It’s the height of bad manners and vulgarity to expect a free bar

what’s next? expecting the couple to pay for your outfits?

oh only invite me if you can provide me a free bar because I’m entitled and don’t actually give a shit about you I just want the free bar.

there’s far more hospitality in weddings on Mumsnet that don’t offer a free bar for entitled guests than you want to admit

its laughable how people are @JoyChansey anyone complaining about not having a free bar and calling it bad manners etc I’d be reevaluating my friendship with them. They are the ones who take advantage of people. You are incredibly naive if you don’t think people will take advantage of a free bar

I wouldn’t do a free bar, I work in events, go to many, many weddings and they’re always the ones where some people wind up a mess! I’d offer wine on the tables and maybe a drink on arrival and a drink for a toast

It’s the height of bad manners and vulgarity to expect a free bar

We must mix in very different circles as I have never been to a wedding with a pay bar. It’s not a case of ‘expecting’ it, it’s just the done thing in my experience.

We clearly do, as I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar, only the wealthy offer free bars.

It’s not the done thing in my experience and isn’t the usually done thing in the UK either

We had one type of beer, two types of wines, plus the toast champagne in our wedding package per head.

We had put a small deposit/tab on the bar £1000 just in case the alcohol on offer didn’t suit and apparently only one person asked for a drink on that tab. Venue said, on the house, and we got our tab back.

This surely can't be aimed at me?! If you RTFT this couldn't be further from the truth.

My husband put some money “behind the bar” at our wedding but if it ran out then it ran out. One of our family guests still paid for his drinks even when he knew didn’t need to.