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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

468 replies

Gettingmarried27eek · 14/08/2026 10:22

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

OP posts:
PUGMEISTER21 · 14/08/2026 18:57

YouSawBrigadoon · 14/08/2026 10:28

I’m going against the majority. I would assume a free bar. I don’t remember going to any weddings where you had to pay for drinks.

Nope, people will go get a drink put it down half empty forget where they put it and just go get more. Your wedding day will be super expensive anyway so put it towards YOUR honeymoon. The day is about your happiness and not other peoples. Enjoy

Lollybaz · 14/08/2026 18:59

We got married 2 weeks ago and we did have a "free" bar but only because we're in our 60's and certainly won't ever do this again! Nobody expected it, infact most people had their cards ready to pay and were happy to but our friends we've known for many many years and wanted them to join in with our celebrations. In answer to your question, no, I don't think you need a free bar. You could just do the first drink free for evening guests if you felt you wanted to do a little something but I'm not sure how you would enforce that. Good luck with your big day and just enjoy x

ScartlettSole · 14/08/2026 19:02

Chemenger · 14/08/2026 10:51

Most of the weddings in the U.K. have been to have had welcome drinks before the meal, wine with the meal and fizz for the toast provided then a pay bar. One was in a marquee on a farm with beer, wine and soft drinks provided through the whole thing. I would hesitate to provide free spirits even it it was affordable to be honest. Just too much risk of things getting out of hand.

I have been to a couple of American weddings, they had free bars but didn’t go on as long as a British (or at least Scottish) wedding does.

A free bar at a Scottish wedding would bankrupt the couple 😂

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 14/08/2026 19:05

A free bar is an unusual treat not an expectation (for UK weddings) if you're not from the UK then I think paid bars are more common in other cultures. We did one because it wasn't really a bar it was a byob type vibe in a barn, so we just bought enough for everyone - but nobody expected that.
My big request as a wedding guest regular is to check bar prices at venues before picking one - some of them are absolute robbers and it always annoys me after paying for a gift, outfit, acconodation and transport to then pay £12 (I shit you not) for a single g and t

ScartlettSole · 14/08/2026 19:05

Iceandfire92 · 14/08/2026 16:44

So many brides and grooms nowadays expect nothing less than the following from their guests:

  • The clothes off their backs.
  • A proportion of their annual leave to attend the stag/hen and all of the associated costs often including travelling abroad and covering the costs of the bride and groom.
  • A generous financial gift despite purporting that "your presence is a present".
  • An overnight stay in a hotel to attend the wedding which is inevitably in the middle of nowhere with no public transport links.

With all of the expectations, it is incredibly poor manners and tacky to expect people who are paying a small fortune to attend to pay for their own refreshments. Every person I have spoken to from outside of the UK is absolutely flabbergasted by the notion of making guests pay for their own drinks. It is considered incredibly tacky. If people cannot afford to provide alcohol for the guests they have invited, it is not mandatory to have such a huge wedding. I feel that people want these huge weddings for the Instagram pictures, but in order to achieve this, they try to cut corners.

Edited

It's incredibly tacky to attend an event and expect to be fed and drink provided free. Would you go to a birthday party and expect a free bar? If you are too cheap to buy your own refreshments, politely decline. As others have said, it's an invite not a summons

changeme4this · 14/08/2026 19:25

Ex hospo worker here, we used to suggest at wedding functions a drink subsidy not free because you will get the tossers who will triple up while the free stuff flows…

KvotheTheBloodless · 14/08/2026 19:26

We had one, but only because my whole side of the family had to travel a ridiculously long way and it would have been poor form to expect them to pay for more than it already cost them. If we'd married in the UK we definitely wouldn't have had a free bar, it's not at all the norm for most weddings.

MimiGC · 14/08/2026 19:29

The last two weddings I’ve been to had free bars. Not especially wealthy families either.

MandemChickenShop · 14/08/2026 19:31

it's not an insignificant sum, say 120 guests, assume 75% getting on it, say 5 each, in a hotel at £10-15 a drink, your in for £6-7k.

150-200 a head at the venue, that's £30k.

cake, photography, flowers, entertainment

crap that's £50k and you haven't got the dress yet!

Dutchhouse14 · 14/08/2026 19:35

We've been to weddings with a free bar and also weddings with a paid bar. Paid bars are a lot more usual nowadays I think.
I would give a drink on arrival, another after wedding
ceremony as usually a gap whilst evening bit is set up or for photos. then soft drinks and wine for meal, and a drink for toasts., then teas and coffees after meal. If you have separate evening guests id give them a drink on arrival too, anything else is paid for

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 14/08/2026 19:35

We put a fixed amount behind the bar - a very very generous amount - and people took the piss. Doubles of really premium spirits at £20 a double back to back, champagne etc. My FIL had to add another grand to avoid embarrassing us. I’d put money behind but tell staff not to serve luxury drinks, loads of wine on tables, then cash bar when it runs out.

Daygloboo · 14/08/2026 19:54

Gettingmarried27eek · 14/08/2026 10:22

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

I honestly dont think ppl expect a free bar..

Someonenewagain · 14/08/2026 20:06

I’ve always been to free bar weddings and big birthday parties. But you do what suits you and your budget. It’s your wedding.

tomato22 · 14/08/2026 20:06

I've never been to one with a free bar, nor would I expect it. I've been to a couple of weddings where one of the parents of bride or groom (or both) will have a free drink for everyone or a set amount behind the bar for a couple of drinks. Usually this is for standard drinks too so no cocktails etc.
Also been to a few where instead of favours you got a little drink token which was nice...again no cocktails!

BunnyLake · 14/08/2026 20:12

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 17:59

Honestly I’ve said a few times on this thread it’s not that expensive, mine was £800. It’s not about being rich

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Did they give you the bill at the end or did you already know approx how much it would be? Suppose it had been £2k would that have shocked you and affect your honeymoon spending budget?

BunnyLake · 14/08/2026 20:13

Daygloboo · 14/08/2026 19:54

I honestly dont think ppl expect a free bar..

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Well some on here certainly do!

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/08/2026 20:18

BunnyLake · 14/08/2026 20:12

Did they give you the bill at the end or did you already know approx how much it would be? Suppose it had been £2k would that have shocked you and affect your honeymoon spending budget?

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We asked them to tell us when it hit £1k and we would make a decision whether to carry on or start charging. Obviously we never got to that point.

Witchymadwoman · 14/08/2026 20:24

I’m at a wedding party right now and the bar is not free. It’s expected and no problem!

baorhausfrau · 14/08/2026 20:24

Son's wedding and we said we'd pay/supply the alcohol for the venue.

Liquor license obtained for the event and barman hired.

Welcome drink, bottles of red, white, sparkling on all the tables. Son decided it would be a "toonie" bar. In Canada it's a $2 coin. So $2 for whatever was ordered.

Well, I over bought the wines and spirits. Six cases of white, six of red, six each of pink and dry sparkling. 4x28 bottles of beer and a keg. Plus a load of spirits for mixed drinks.

Most of the guests were Army and I was worried we'd run out. Well, turns out paying for a drink leads to responsible drinking. By 9pm, we told the barman free wine for whoever wanted it. We just didn't want to carry it home. We still wound up with wine.

Tea and Coffee were provided with the 11pm buffet.

When we left at midnight they were still drinking.

It's regarded as one of the best weddings those guys went to.

Shame the reception last longer than the marriage, lol.

Lomonald · 14/08/2026 20:27

MimiGC · 14/08/2026 19:29

The last two weddings I’ve been to had free bars. Not especially wealthy families either.

Wealthy enough to be able to afford the drinks flowing all night!

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 14/08/2026 20:31

I think it's incredibly naff to expect people to buy their own drinks at your event.

Been to only 3 weddings that I remember with cash bars- one was a cheap hotel package wedding, one they were very young and the other was incredibly budget- food was a pizza van you paid for that too!

Never been to a normal wedding with a cash bar, think there's probably been a few with set amounts behind the bar but it's never noticeably been finished.

Temporal · 14/08/2026 20:32

Not the whole night, no. Money's far too tight for people these days for that. An hour, maybe two at the maximum.

Itsa10fromLen · 14/08/2026 20:46

I don’t know anyone that would expect a free bat nowadays. I do though find the whole concept of wedding invites weird as I’m getting older. This is what it sounds like to me when I get an invite:
”Would you like the honour of attending my wedding? You’ll need new outfits for everyone, potentially a hotel room, fuel / taxi money, money for overpriced drinks in the evening and at LEAST £30 as a wedding gift. In return we will offer you a 3 course meal that you probably wouldn’t choose yourself, lots of waiting around with a hungry tummy, a chip on a spoon as a canapé, 2 glasses of wine and some sandwiches later.” I absolutely could not ask anyone to attend a wedding anymore, I would have to keep the numbers at about 10 and pay for everything. I totally appreciate it’s only me that feels like this so no need to tell me I’m a miserable cow, I already know.

Daygloboo · 14/08/2026 20:53

BunnyLake · 14/08/2026 20:13

Well some on here certainly do!

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As far as I'm concerned, if you need someone else to supply you with free booze all night in order to enjoy yourself, and free bottles of wine, a welcome drink and fizz for the toast arent good enough for you, then you are probably a bit of a tit and they'd do better not to invite your borring sorry arse to the wedding in the first place.

snoopyfanaccountant · 14/08/2026 21:12

DD1 got married last month. Their reception venue was a hall so there wasn't a bar. The invitation asked guests to bring their own bottle for the evening and we provided wine and Schloer for the meal (there were a lot of drivers/non-drinkers so we had equal numbers of alcoholic/non-alcoholic bottles). I don't think I have ever been to a wedding where there was intentionally an open bar (one had an honesty box but the "barman" had one too many so people were helping themselves to bottles of champagne, and the other the bar staff left so guests were helping themselves at the bar).