AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

That sounds a very privileged viewpoint. Do you think poorer parents don’t love their children as much as the rich ones?

Absolutely won’t be expected. The only wedding i went to with a free bar was in a field where they bought many bottles of wine from Aldi! We put some money behind the bar at our wedding but only enough for 1 drink per guest

Got married in 2024

we didn’t have a “free bar”. Nobody expected it either. All depends on your budget. But no, your NTAH.

😂 It’s still there! Leave it, it’s funny! Advise against a free bar or they’ll be dancing on the ceiling at OP’s wedding 🤣🤣

😂 It’s saying hello but refuses to say goodbye!!

Perfectly reasonable. Guests will already have meals and wine provided, you shouldn't be expected to foot the bill for them getting tanked up too. People tend to drink more when someone else is paying...

Whilst I don’t really care that much, I do think the narrative from couples that they “don’t want to pay for their friends to get drunk” or “people will take the piss” comes across as quite bitter and nasty. These are your closest people!

Honestly I’ve said a few times on this thread it’s not that expensive, mine was £800. It’s not about being rich

My friend did a make your own cocktail station which was pretty cool. Cheap for her and free for the guests for a little bit.

I was kind of shocked by your question about the reception, but actually, if you provide a welcome drink perhaps, wine on the tables (for the dinner) and champagne to toast the couple works - as long as there is a bar that guests can purchase more from, if they'd like.
However, if you are having a destination wedding and people have travelled there (flights, trains, hotels, babysitters at home etc), I would go open bar.

We supplied our own drinks at the venue so that we could provide a free bar (until it ran out anyway)

I think an open bar is very unusual these days. Unless you’re very wealthy as pps have said.

I think it’s also quite wasteful as whenever I’ve known of one, people have left drinks and not come back to them, but just ordered another later on.

Me too! Just invite fewer people if you can't afford it.

Absolutely. Wine on the table is great but no need to do a free bar once that’s over

Perfectly reasonable

Oh lots of reasons but largely the lack of generous hosting made it awkward and sort of killed the atmosphere when people are weighing up whether or not they want another £8 pint

Seems very reasonable and more common these days. We chose to do a little meet in the middle - table wine, champagne toast, and two prepaid drink tokens each (house wine, beer, or a single mixer). We didn’t want an open bar because 1) it’s expensive, 2) people put their drink down and forget about it and just go back to the bar for another so it’s wasteful, and 3) we didn’t want everyone totally blackout 😂

Congratulations in advance! Have an amazing day!

Yabu to assume nobody works on a Saturday or Sunday

We said first drink and champagne for toasts (small weddings) but inlaws kindly insisted, no one took the p though!

YANBU, especially if most guests are local to the venue. We had a free bar at ours but lots of people had travelled and were staying over somewhere. Also was quite a small wedding so not as expensive as you'd think. People just stop. Well some people didn't stop, one was found crashed out in the corridor of a hotel at 6am, but all was fun!

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar! Most have provided wine on tables and / or arrival / toast drinks but never completely free bar. Am amazed at those who expect it. We clearly move in very different circles! And think it's very sad some people think you should invite less guests just so you can afford for the ones you go have to get pissed at your expense! that's odd priorities unless you actually want a small wedding. I know you should provide refreshments as a host, which the OP is, but that doesn't usually mean the guests being able to have unlimited amounts of whatever they like.

How is it odd. I recently went to a birthday celebration and paid for my own drinks. It was a small do and it didn’t occur to me that my friend should stump up for the drinks at the bar. In fact I bought her a drink because it was a birthday!

I've been to weddings with a free bar, but I think it's generally not expected.

Wedding receptions vary from pub buffets to formal dinners.

If in a hotel or similar, you get packages per person usually a complimentary glass of fizz when you arrive, and wines at the meal (they either allocated a bottle or two or three per table, or waiter service, and the package allocates a set amount per person), and some more fizz for the toast.

As a guest, I don't mind either way. As mentioned, there's usually enough alcohol with the meal anyway, and wouldn't want to drink too much more. Maybe one or two during the evening, which I'm happy to pay for.

Furthermore, the behaviour of people around a free bar would depend on the type of company you're inviting. There's going to be certain types of people who would take advantage of a free bar and attempt to drink it dry. The same people you see in airport lounges usually pay-as-you-enter ones with a self serving bar.

Yes perfectly reasonable

Funnily enough I know the jobs of everyone invited, since I am friends with them or they are family. So I can absolutely confirm no one is working that day!