AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

We subsidised the bar by selling tokens that were cheaper than the cost of an average drink. We didn't want a totally free bar as we thought it would get too messy!

Aren't you one of the people who didn't pay for their own wedding?
I really don't think you should be loud on this subject when you didn't pay for one. As it stands the OP is putting their hand in their own pocket for their guests more than you did!

It would be like going down the road and criticising someone's choice of car because they couldn't afford something more expensive even though you'd been given a handout.

Never been to a wedding g with a free bar. Welcome drink, bit of wine on the table (and once it is gone it is gone) yes, but never a free bar.

If you did have a free bar people would take the P though and just get absolutely wasted, no one would have a good time.

My husband’s work did free bar a few times for their Christmas party in the 2000’s. It never ended well and they stopped doing it because of all the issues it caused.

I think I have replied to you twice already to say that the point is moot because we were preciously looking at hosting a lower key wedding paid for all by ourselves WITH A FREE BAR

It used to be quite normal about 40 years ago, but then weddings were simpler and cheaper in other ways.
A big change was the attitude to host responsibility I think more than cost to start with.
I think today's way is better and don't mind a cash bar. The couple get to spend more on the design of the wedding rather than booze.

Well guess I’m just old being 60 .
Friends weddings were usually in hotels in the 90s snd I can honestly say wherever we were in the country there was never a free bar however extravagant the wedding .
But then at that time I’d generally say the wedding was more likely to be local so less travel cost and time .
I certainly don’t resent paying for evening drinks at a wedding .

Bottom line is it totally depends on your crowd. I wouldn’t consider a paid bar, it’s so far from my realm of experience it wouldn’t occur to me to expect guests to put their hands in their pockets for a moment. It would certainly be a talking point if people had to pay. But, we all have different expectations and experiences but no, in my life and that of my children’s nobody is going to be paying for their own drinks at a wedding. I expect to make a significant contribution if and when my kids get married and covering the bar would 100 factor into that

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been to a wedding but I know I wouldn’t expect a free bar in today’s financial climate. I think year’s ago there would be a limited amount put behind the bar then you pay for your own, but times are harder now.

You can put a set amount behind the bar for beer and wine only. We did this for an event. Worked well and is quite normal.

I’ve never been to a wedding with a paid bar I don’t think. I don’t think I’d mind though.

If you don't want them to put a hand in their pocket then I assume you paid for their hotel rooms?

We didn’t have a free bar at our wedding.
My parents were paying for a little bit of the wedding expenses but I was trying to find the funds to cover everything else ( I wanted to book our wedding far in advance and save more £ but my mum absolutely insisted that wasn’t the done thing )
we had a welcome drink , wine on the tables and that was it

I’m confused. You wouldn’t consider a paid bar but you also wouldn’t expect guests to put their hands in their pockets.

You must have a lot of money if you can cover the costs of all alcoholic drinks for everyone all night.

your proposal is spot and has been the standard for 30 years. worry about it not a jot further

People don’t necessarily need hotel rooms when they do go a wedding though do they? They haven’t been needed at weddings in our family- people can just go home after. You’re making an assumption

A paid bar is when guests pay, so it’s 2 ways of saying the same thing

We paid for all soft drinks at our reception, this came to about £250 for 100 guests

But they CAN afford to host the event.

In the overwhelming majority of the UK, 'hosting' means providing the venue, food and entertainment, not buying everyone's drinks for the whole night.

Well I guess that’s where you and me, alongside many others on this thread, will have to agree to disagree. Like I have already said - I have only ever been to one wedding that didn’t have free bar and it was shit

Why did that make the wedding shit?

Ah ok thanks.

How much did the free bar cost you? Did you get a bill at the end of the evening? Were there restrictions on what could be ordered.

I drink so little paying for my drinks would probably come to no more than about £20 for the entire evening. I think it must only really bother people who want to get their ‘money’s worth’ out of a free bar.

Depends on what kind of wedding they are paying for. I had friends who had a meal in a restaurant for 12 people then bowling club with buffet and free bar in the evening. Far cheaper than most other weddings that I've been to.

Well your budget should determine exactly what you can afford and if your friends truly understand they will not have a problem with that.