AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Sounds lovely! Can I come 😅 they are being very unreasonable if they can’t cope for one meal! Sounds like how my parents would also be to be honest

But one is for simply dietary preferences, and the other is for core ethical beliefs.

It is comparing two completely different things.

I'm not vegan, but I get why one is not the same as the other!

Vegans want accommodation but most never accommodate other people.

I have given up eating with our veganfriends. It's all about their needs, what they want to eat and what they can accept on the table - at our house and theirs. Too much faff.

No, not at all. Of course not.

They consider the foods their parents want to bring into their home UNETHICAL. So no, they would not be ok with UNETHICAL products that they consider to be the products of torture and cruelty in their home and are not ok with other people doing UNETHICAL things and then bringing the products of UNETHICAL things that despise into their home.

I do not understand why people pretend to be so thick about vegans, it's just not that difficult. Vegans believe they are being ethical by not killing animals or eating the products of animals and will not obviously invite the product of torture and unnecessary slaughter (as they see it) into their own homes.

Meanwhile, their parents can eat vegan food for one meal and it makes zero difference to their life, their parents have no ethical objections to veganism.

However, if they are truly so bigoted about not eating meat or dairy for one meal their parents can, and should, stay away.

You can disagree with that, but for the love of God stop pretending not to get it.

Exactly, and Delilah26's excellent post above .

These threads always end up a solid split over who understands that dietary preferences and ethical beliefs are different things, and those who don't.

It's not even complicated.

Vegans never respond to the mass murder needed to grow enough crops to sustain the population. Yet they are all, won't someone think of the bees! ( and the yeast)

For some people a bbq is sausages and burgers. Not amazing salads and chargrilled veg. They are just narrow minded

Well, I guess a vegan barbecue is not mainly meat. You do have to put a bit more effort in with vegan, as you usually have to make it yourself, but it can be gorgeous.

Would you not go along to spend time with the family, though? Nibble on bread and salad, and not make a fuss?

Porridge (I make mine with water, but I am bit puritanical, I suppose...)? Toast with a vegan spread (same as other spreads in taste, really)? I am a big fan of peanut butter with grated apple on toast. Bowl of fruit? A smoothie?

I am not vegan, but I do like 'vegan' food.

You can get vegan sausages and burgers.

Not a Shakespeare fan then. Or grasp the history/evolution of the English language. Must be the lack of meat in your diet.

Or just let them bring their own food that they won't have to store or cook in your house?

Do you never have Christmas together or go to restaurants? Kids don't eat in the school canteen?

Off your menu I'd try the burger, but only know I'd definitely like the tomatoes, mushrooms and the fresh bread and humous. For dessert I'd eat the fruit. Not really a filling dinner. It's not just about pushing vegan only food, it's that you're hosting people for dinner who don't like what you're serving. Any non vegans cater for everyone. Believe me, when I host a party I need to cater for vegan, dairy allergies, nut allergies, wheat allergies. You only want to serve what you want and would miss out on spending time with the largest part of society to do so.

And that doesn't mean I think you should cook any meat, but that you should allow them to eat something non vegan while sitting in your garden that they bring and take with them.

There are things I don't eat for ethical reasons, I don't stop spending time with people who do eat them.

I’m not vegan but I would love to come to your BBQ. It all sounds quite delicious. When we have a BBQ we usually have meat but also corn on the cob, garlic mushrooms and my favourite, aubergine slices that have been marinated in harissa. We also have slices of pineapple done on the BBQ.

Quite honestly, I wouldn’t really miss a meat burger, with everything you’re offering. I think your parents are rude and ungrateful.

I love corn on the cob and garlic mushrooms, but that's not a full meal. There must be some foods you don't like, so presumably you wouldn't be overjoyed if you were forced to eat them or go hungry.

I assume that if you went to someone else's house for a BBQ you would expect them to either provide some vegan options with you in mind or that you would bring your own food to grill.

It is unreasonable not to allow meat eaters to do the same.

I wouldn’t want to be a vegan full time but there is nothing wrong with having some vegan food. My friend does an amazing vegan curry.
So I would come to a vegan BBQ. There is someone I work with whose son finally cut off contact with her because she wouldn’t go to a vegan restaurant for his 30th birthday. I think that was the final straw rather than the only issue.

So I would go to a bbq or any other vegan meal thrown by a family member but I don’t want to be vegan full time for my own reasons. I think your parents sound set in their ways though. So just have the bbq without them. Their loss as the food you are making sounds nice.

I would just say 'what a shame you can't come 'and leave it.
They probably know they are being ridiculous but want to make a point. Their loss!

You think it's me with the anger issues 😂

Thats fine as long as the vegans never expect anyone to provide vegans options for them, otherwise they are already hypocrites aswell as being bad hosts

It's not bigoted to not like the menu and not want to eat it. I wouldn't like it, either.

Op's parents have said they would rather not come for a meal. OP thinks they should come and eat things they won't enjoy.

If I went to the home of someone who was fasting, of course I wouldn't expect them to serve me a meal during the fasting period. I'd take a sandwich if I couldn't manage until the time food was served.
And I didn't say I was smarter than you. I said I think you're smart enough to know full well why some vegans are ethically opposed to serving animal products in their home, and you are pretending to not understand to indulge your annoyance at vegans. God knows its been explained enough times over enough threads, including this one.
You can huff and puff about not liking it if you like, but to feign misunderstanding of the difference between ethics based choices and food preference makes you sound less intelligent than you no doubt are.

As if that wouldn't end up with "why are you not eating? Fgs just eat likr normal person" kind of scene.
They can just meet up outside of meal times. You don't have to participate in all events to still have pkenty of time with family.

I'd come but just eat before hand.

Well there's nothing wring with wanting validation if your friends love. But it's the expecting them to go against everything they believe in, and which they've believed in for years, as some kind of token gesture to you to prove you're special that's ridiculous