Husbands behaviour on holiday WWYD - sick of it

[encour]

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone).

Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday.

Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up.

Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing.

Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back.

Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls.

Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps?

WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

Tell him hos behaviour is not Ok
Plab a day alone and rest relax.
Make sure he can not contact you while you go on a shopping spree

I think this is a case of coercive control...
He can control her with his moods, his disapproval, the mere threat of his anger, by making her think she can't do anything right. At any moment, he may shove her head down to look at something, or rip a headscarf off her. He did both of these things to her in public and drew the attention of bystanders.
He has made himself the boss of her.
OP has said her self-esteem is on the floor.
She can't so much as go for a coffee or to the beach by herself, as then she wouldn't be attending his needs, and "realising he must be hungry because he hasn't eaten all day."
He is not a nice man.

Wow, you need to make a plan to free yourself of him

Wow, you need to make a plan to free yourself of him

He’s abusive. Get the hell away from him once you’re back home. Do you have family or friends you could speak to?

What the hell? Why are you allowing this? You’ve put yourself into a dangerous situation by going abroad with an abusive man if you could see the red flags before leaving for holiday.

Last night he threw his laptop at the window, and smashed up the kitchen. Then sat shaking and crying?

The trigger was me telling him I couldn’t read his mind and he needed to vocalise what he wanted/needed.

I’ve spoken to my MIL who has said she can give me money to get home

Please, take up your MIL's offer and get the hell out of there! This is NOT reasonable behaviour!!

Run.

You are not safe.

This man is mentally unstable.

You need to leave and get out of there NOW.

Pack your things and go. Let us know when you are safe.

Oh lovely, go, GO! Thank God for your wonderful MiL. Let her pay, let her get you home safe. Worry about what happens afterwards later. You'll have time to sort that out.

Just get home!

Do you trust your MIL, will she actually send YOU the money and not to her son.
If so how quickly can she send it and are you able to buy a ticket yourself, and get to the airport.
Do you have your passport.

Please don’t try to engage with him or reason with him, he’s beyond that.

Don’t tell him you are leaving, just book the next flight out of there, grab what you can and leave.

Sadly things won’t get better - start a new happier life asap.
You’ll get lots of advice here - beware though as he will turn into the worst version of himself.

He is abusive, I think you know that. You must be feeling so stressed all the time. This is no way to live, and you do not have to. Get out of there, get home and leave him.
You only have one life and you deserve to be happy. Don't waste it with someone as horrible as this.

If you don’t take her offer up and get the hell out of there, you will be accepting this behaviour again.

I agree with other posters, please take the offer from your MIL and get yourself safely out of there. DO NOT tell him you're leaving, just pack up and get out of there, otherwise things could escalate and he could become violent toward you, rather than just throwing things.

Good luck OP, and please do let us know when you get home that you're safe.

Please contact her and ask her to book a flight for you.

Get out of there OP!

I'm so sorry that his behaviour has escalated further, unfortunately it will not stop at this. Him taking his anger out on objects will continue until he is directing all his physical anger towards you.
Please accept your MiLs offer to help you get home. I would try to keep the flight details confidential from anyone, including your MiL.
Once you get home, are you able to leave? Or, tell him not to come home and change the locks? You are not safe in the presence of this abusive individual.
Please start divorce proceeding tomorrow and keep yourself safe.

Take her up on it. Go home. When you get home, gather up all your important documents, any financial evidence you require from his documents, your marriage certificate, and your belongings; and go somewhere else pending the divorce I hope you will be putting into motion immediately.