Husbands behaviour on holiday WWYD - sick of it

[encour]

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone).

Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday.

Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up.

Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing.

Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back.

Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls.

Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps?

WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

Go home, without him, leave him there, he can decide where to go to eat without you. What a useless man. Not sure how you can stand him. You seem to have put up with enough!

It doesn’t matter - there is no ‘only’ a jolt. This was violent physical assault in which he used his superior physical strength to control and belittle you, letting you know what he is in charge and that he has the power to do even worse should he choose to. And men like this usually do choose to. Pulling clothes off you is similar - you can see the escalation from pulling clothes to pushing your head. What next?

Do everything you can to get away from this man as soon as possible, as safely as you can. Contact Women’s Aid. They will help you to make a plan. Tell all of your friends and family who you trust what has happened - getting it out into the open keeps you safer and makes you more likely to have support.

I wouldn’t confront him as statistically men like him become more dangerous if they feel that you might leave them. Quietly make a plan to leave with as much help as you can from those you trust and then put it into action.

It’s natural that your self esteem is on the floor because he has designed his abuse for it to be so. This makes you more likely to comply and less likely to leave. How dare he.

He’s abusive. Quit the holiday, come home, pack a bag and get a divorce.

Nope. Nope nope nope.
I’d just go home. Like, dump him first, but then go home. If he does that in front of people, then he’s a ticking time bomb.

Contact the airline .
.say you a victim of DV and can you swap 1 flight home. They might say yes.

And flush his passport down the loo as you leave..

What the hell
you sound trapped with

I would want to leave after this

Look why are you in a relationship with someone like this? Why?

It makes no sense to spend a day with him, let alone a holiday, let alone a lifetime

goodness come to your senses please

this is not the behaviour of someone who loves you

I am so sorry. "I know he doesn’t like me, my self esteem is on the floor"

Really, a husband, or any partner, should make you feel cherished and loved.

you deserve to be loved and cherished.

I usually eyeroll when the Mumsnetters start in with the LTB chorus but babe, this guy is an asshole and he does not like you. Get out and away from him as fast as you can. The airfare will be well worth it.

Encour, would you even dream of giving your husband’s head the same “jolt forwards” as he gave yours? I bet you wouldn’t, because it’s a vicious thing to do.
You shouldn’t accept this type of bullying. Take the good advice so many people have given you, and plan to make a happier life for yourself without him.

There's a reason holidays end relationships... and you are seeing it in full, the real unfiltered him.

He is a nasty brute.

Issue a warning about divorce if he ever touches you unkindly again.

Try to work out a way to sleep.
Can you swap to an air conditioned room?

Don't agree to all activities that you don't want to do. Give H your blessing for him to go off alone many mornings. Participate in the planning. Your H sounds like a bully.

He is abusive OP. He won’t change. There are decent men out there, your dh isn’t one of them.

People need to stop consulting chat gpt and cutting and pasting absolutely terrible and dangerous advice.

the OP has been physically abused in public, she is a victim of DA & you are telling her to red rag the bull.

unbelievable and incredibly dangerous

There is no way I could "grin and bear" this for three weeks, go home if you have the means. You are not safe.

Borrow it if you can.

Are you sure it's thousands for a one way flight or is that what he tells you? You can get a flight from Sydney to London this week for less than £400

He sounds dreadful, why are you with him?

He's like a teenager and you're his mummy he's taking all his anger out on

I wouldn’t be taking any holidays with that waste of space again! His true colours are emerging and he’s a ‘too handy’ bully! Walk away!

He's abusive. LTB. The being all nicey nice after a day being awful is all part of the pattern, and is designed to keep you trapped.

Who is consulting chat GPT? The OP is asking advice from people so I advised what I would say.

He did something she didn't like and she needs to tell him.

And the OP has clarified it wasn't aggressive. He treated her like a child moving her head which isn't a nice thing to do.

Absolutely agree.
There is no talking or ‘having a chat’ with this man.
He is an abuser and his behaviour is escalating.
I remember the thread about the headscarf being pulled off. It’s worrying that the OP is still with him.
OP please talk to someone and get help IRL.
Do you have access to your passport and ticket information? Or has he got them?

Yikes - you are far too nice and reasonable and he’s a bully. If he really, really loved you he wouldn’t treat you like this.
You could threaten to dump and as you’ve got 3 weeks left of holiday this is what I would do and see if he improves. Be brave - you’re not ruining the holiday he is!!
It sounds like he can’t change long term so I’d say on return dump, move on and find someone who loves you.

He’s a jerk. Your too people pleasing and it’s just attracting contempt from him. Sack him off and sack the holiday off if he continues xx