Husbands behaviour on holiday WWYD - sick of it

[encour]

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone).

Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday.

Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up.

Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing.

Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back.

Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls.

Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps?

WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

'hen physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back'

He assaulted you, no wonder you are upset. I would never ever let someone physically push my head down. You are not safe with a man like this.

He sounds like a child.

I can't believe someone voted YABU

I would pack my case, book a taxi to the airport and get on the first available flight home.

Once home, pack and leave. Book an appointment with a solicitor. What a horrible, horrible man.

Can you spend as much as the three weeks away from him?As you possibly can, you don't have to go everywhere together. Dump when you get back. You don't mention children, so I assume you don't have any.In that case, the divorce will be a pretty clean break.

Yeah, fly home now on your own. He'll probably stay behind to prove that you're the unreasonable one, you can enjoy 3 weeks of peace and quiet and get a head start on the divorce.

OP, this sounds absolutely horrible - he’s belittled you in public, assaulted you (that’s what physically pushing your head down is) and has form for pulling an item of clothing off you in front of other people. I’m sure if you confronted him, he would say none of this is serious - but it really is. At the very least, he is treating you utterly disrespectfully, and it will only get worse. I’m sorry, OP, but I can only agree with PPs who think you should see a solicitor and end your marriage.

He sounds like he's just everyday genuinely an angry man and it's not something you should put up with.

Are you dependent on him, if so and you're concerned about how you'll manage don't be, there are ways.

Why on earth are you with him? Life is too short to spend it with an arse like him.

Honestly, I’d be looking for flights home, today, now. And whilst in the airport waiting for said flight, I’d be booking a solicitors appointment for as soon as I was able.

If I’d seen him assaulting you the way he did on the church I’d be wondering what he’s like behind closed doors if he’s happy to do that, and drag clothes off you, in public.

I’d go home and leave him there! Whilst he’s not at home, I’d sort out the practicalities of splitting up.

A one off bad mood, jet lag, tired, hungry - OK - people get tetchy on holiday.

This sounds and reads like an absolute abusive/bullying pattern of behaviour. Life is too short.

He sounds like a bad traveller, at the very least - but the head pushing and your comment about already having doubts about him makes him also sound like a bad person. You also say you're "sick of" his behaviour...does this mean he has form for ruining vacations (or other special moments)?

If you already had doubts, and it's a behavioural pattern of his to ruin the mood, I would break up with him, move to a different hotel and enjoy the rest of my holiday (plus, think about what to do when I get back home).

Can you afford to book a flight home? Do you have access to your passport Honestly I would go home and sort out leaving him. What he did to you in the church is assault. If he is capable of doing that in front of people it will get worse behind closed doors.

I wouldn't be cuddling him. I'd be having a frank conversation with him.

"I don't particularly want to cuddle right now. Your behaviour today was embarrassing and pushing my head down was unacceptable. It was controlling and I didn't like it"

He hates you op. Life is too short for this.

I wouldn't be cuddling the rwat but smothering with his comfort blanket instead.

The most important thing for you to do now, is to keep yourself safe. Whether the best way to do that is to leave and fly home, or to stay with him and appease him for now, only you know.
But longterm you really do need to leave him to live his own miserable life without you.

There must be some psychological reason why men like this behave like this on holidays and other special occasions. But my basic/amateur take is that they don't want you to be happy, they don't like you very much, and they feel like they need to exert control over you - control they probably exert in a plethora of subtle and not so subtle ways in normal, day to day life, but need to re-enforce in special situations when you are not on his "home turf". There's only one thing to be done with an abusive shithead, and that's to leave them. Go home on the next available flight, and spend your holiday time arranging your divorce.

I take it this behaviour is new? As in you're shocked by it, because he doesn't usually do this?
He needs to see a doctor, and get help, if he's suddenly a different person. It's no joke-known 2 people who suddenly changed-one who suddenly said creepy "jokes" when he'd been decent before, and one who got aggro when she'd always been calm, and there were medical reasons for both.
Or is it that he's always been like this?

No. This all stops now. Book a flight, go home and divorce. You never need be in the same room as him again

For some reason some people (my DM was like this and my ex) love to spoil a holiday and he sounds so aggressive. You are not safe with him.

Just return home. Now. Don't even tell him.

I'm so sorry you have been treated like that. Your husband is an abusive, bullying arsehole who isn't even trying to hide his contempt for you. If he's happy to treat you like that in public, I hate to think what his behaviour could escalate to in private.
If you have the means, I'd be booking a flight home. I'd probably try to leave whilst he was out/asleep etc and just text once I was safely at home (or possibly on the plane).
Once you're home, you need to leave him otherwise he will destroy you mentally, if not physically too.

He treats you with contempt so at what point will enough be enough for you?

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who treated me so unkindly. I definitely wouldn't take a 4 week holiday with him. Can you go home?

Absolutely none of this is acceptable. It made me feel terrible just to read it as I was in a horrible relationship that made me feel just like you do. He assaulted and humiliated you and it sounds like it isn't the first time. He is an abusive bully - no two ways about it.

Don't waste time and effort doing any mental gymnastics to allow this to carry on any further for any reason. You owe him nothing, it is nothing you have ot haven't done. It is all him. He knows exactly what he is doing.

You need to get away from him either now if you are brave enough or AS SOON as you are back home. You know which is best.

I'm sorry you're away from home when this has happened, OP. Look after yourself.