Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

[Greenhairedmonstor]

My late FiL who I never met, left school at 15, fell into the right crowd while he was doing a labouring job and ended up with a little empire.

There is something in place that is not quite a trust. It allows SiL to choose to live frugally without working, and has enabled my husband and his brothers an income which supplements their incomes.

Their children will benefit after their parents’ deaths when whatever is in place will be dissolved.

My husband has his own business as well.

My stepchild is 18 and will go to university next month. I also have another stepchild who is 13.

The eldest has asked that now that they are an adult that they want to look at my husband’s finances. Essentially they want an account of any money that is spent on my children and they wanted my husband’s estate to be reimbursed from my share of the house when he dies.

Now Mumsnet always asks, no I was not the other woman, my ex meets more than his share of his financial responsibilities and I also work and rent out a house that I own in my home country that I will eventually return to. Husband’s ex is comfortable and I don’t believe this has come from her.

Inevitably my husband subsidises our life.

This has been a bitter blow to my husband and he doesn’t see how his relationship with his child(ren) will recover.

I'd (well your DH) tell him to do one. It's up to his dad how he spends his money and who he leaves it to when he passes away.

What a CF!

Unless FIL left anything specific to his grandchildren, then it is entirely up to his children (your husband etc) what they do with the money, so I would be telling my child to get back in their box in your husband's position.

Well the DSS is a grabby little scrote isn’t he? How disgusting. Your poor DH must be so ashamed.

At face value his children are entitled and bonkers. That is not their money and they have no say in what their father spends it on. If all is as you have presented it here, they need to be told in no uncertain terms that their father's money is just that. What is their relationship with you like? Are they seeing you as an interloper from overseas just seeking financial advantage?

I would tell him to get to fuck. It's not his money and I actually hope that you and your husband spend it all now, leave him with sweet FA, entitled little sod.

Your DH needs to explain to his DS that how he spends his money during his lifetime is entirely up to him and that while his DS maybe in line to inherit on DH's death, he has no right while DH is alive to scrutinise his financial affairs or comment on them.

Being an adult does not give a right to see other people’s financial situation. He is a CF. Tell him to do one.

What’s the plan? Or is it too late and he’s already been shown?
Lots of questions, more clarity needed please.

Wow!! Tell him to get ta Fck 🤣

i have a trust and everyone in my family benefits. Kids and step kids and DH. But it’s my money to spend as I see fit. Not my DCs, until I die and they inherit.

Cheeky little fucker

Blimey, what a horrible young man. Your DH needs to very calmly tell him that us NOT going to happen and he has zero rights to such information.

He really can GTF!

I was going to say something more polite than this but actually, what the hell, he’s disgusting.

Has he made this demand of DH? I’d recommend either completely ignoring (as in not dignifying with a response) or responding with one line (That won’t be happening) and avoid getting into any kind of debate or conversation about it.

Hope you have decent wills which ensure you can remain in the home for your lifetime if you lose DH?

Also, I’d ensure any and all paperwork relating to your and DH’a finances are locked away so no one can start nosing around.

Their children will benefit after their parents’ deaths when whatever is in place will be dissolved.

So whatever remains, after your husband has taken additional income, will go to the children?

Your children are not your husband's children? Your property that you rent out and receive an income from will only go to your children?

I'm reading this as the grandchildren were left the estate but the children have a lifetime interest in it. If that's the case then your SS possibly has the right to see how the estate itself is being managed but still wouldn't have the right to the financial breakdown of how his father spends the money he does have.

i have a trust and everyone in my family benefits. Kids and step kids and DH. But it’s my money to spend as I see fit. Not my DCs, until I die and they inherit.

I have always been very very open about money. So no one is expecting something they won’t get which helps.

Send your response by postcard from somewhere expensive.. with a note saying, sorry son I’m in the Maldives spending your inheritance. Cheeky little fucker.

I assume your dh is going to speak to his ds about what an unreasonable request that is, and to remind him he has no legal or moral say over how his father spends his money?

Does he have a legal right to see any of this? If he does suggest he gets a solicitor? Is the trust set up in a way that limits what your DH can do with his share, if it's just a fixed amount he gets every month I don't see how he spends it is anyone's business. First answer would be no you can't see anything. Sounds like an entitled brat.

I’m afraid this grabby and unpleasant young man needs to be told to FO. I feel sorry for your DH. Jeez, some people are entitled!

Sounds like a classic "I'm an adult now, think I know everything, probably heading to uni, and therefore everyone owes me" syndrome.

This is where the MN ‘No is a complete sentence’ comes into play.

The stepchildren should only have access to information they are legally entitled to e.g. how the trust is managed or who gets how much etc. but nothing beyond that. But I’d make sure he has a really watertight will in case your children have issues in the future.

The assets that generate an income, a quarter of which my husband benefits from, will be sold on the death of my husband and siblings. My stepchildren will inherit a quarter of the assets between them- the rest going to their cousins.

He also has an income from his business.

Your DH needs to sit down with his son and tell him plainly that how (and on whom) he spends his money is none of his children’s business.

He should also make clear that this demand
was crass in the extreme and his son should be aware that any inheritance is not automatic on his part and the idea that you will compensate his fathers estate (and your DH will track) any money spent on your children will not be happening.

I would be mortified if one of my children had expressed such a financially mercenary attitude and have no reticence whatsoever in making clear to them that I was very disappointed in their behaviour and expectations.