AIBU to feel overwhelmed by an overly involved next-door neighbour?

[Seaswimmer23]

I’ve recently moved from London to a smallish town in Lancashire for work. I’ve found a lovely place to live, but the place not issue is my next-door neighbour. She’s been friendly since I moved in, inviting me in for tea, and chatting every time I step outside. And it’s this. I have a busy job and value my peace and independence. I now can’t step outside without a full rundown of her day, and a grilling about mine. I’ve tried to say I’m rushing, I often am, and I’m always polite, but I feel like I’m 15 again not being able to do anything without a million questions and a million moans. If I’m staying in with a book or film she phones me, several times, then knocks if I don’t answer as my phone is on silent. She keeps track of my every move! I love living here but it’s can’t bear this. I’m considering moving. Oh and she has a key, given to her by the landlady. AIBU?

Complain that she let herself in without reason and used your freezer. Tell her that makes you feel unsafe, is unacceptable, and you would like the locks changed. There is no reason for neighbour to be doing this

Not worth it….move

why the need to lie?

I actually agree with this and I feel for you OP.
You should’ve been made aware of this arrangement before you rented.
This is absolutely not on and it’s not your problem if previous tenants weren’t trustworthy.
It massively goes against any rules I’ve ever heard of.
Was there a letting agent involved before you rented or has everything been done through the landlord?
And as for being in the North as someone said, it’s not the 50s 🙄
You are meant to have ‘quiet enjoyment of your property’. It’s in the renters rights act.
Oh and grey rock is, keep things polite with yes and no answers, no need to engage in any meaningful conversation. But I wouldn’t even be doing that at the moment. She’s not being friendly, she’s an interfering busy body.
Get in touch with the landlord asap.

Come on OP, you need to be clear with her. She sounds pushy but I can’t imagine many people would allow her to use a key to let themselves to use your freezer. If someone did that with my house they wouldn’t ever do it again. I wouldn’t be rude or aggressive but I’d be crystal clear. The same goes for chatting outside. There is no need to ‘grey rock’ or be rude just say you can’t chat and go inside or if you are outside and want to hang out in the garden just say you don’t want to chat. Keep repeating yourself and don’t worry if you are coming across as blunt.
I’d ask for the key back and I’d get cctv too.

Changing a lock is pretty easy - there are films on U Tube which will show you how to do it. Next time your nosy neighbour tries to let herself in she will get a surprise. In fact I would block her number immediately and put a note through her door.

" I am a very quiet and private person and keep myself to myself. You entered my property without my permission and interfered with my personal possessions..If you attempt to do so again I will regard it as harassment and the police will be called.

You are going to have to tell her straight to stop talking to you and leave you alone, you MUST get that key off her. She sounds unhinged though and I imagine will continue to ruin your life so be prepared to move if she doesn't comply. Good luck!

Overly involved neighbour is the understatement of the year. She's putting stuff in your freezer!

As the owner is friends with her and it’s longstanding I think I would make plans to move. It isn’t fair on you but this is drama I would not like.
Really unacceptable and YANBU.

Honestly, I’d move.

PS Having a key and letting herself in is absolutely crazy.

Speak to your landlady. Her actions are illegal, nobody bar you or her can have a key. Nobody has the right of entry, not even the ll without your express permission. It’s about £20 to change the barrel of the lock and you are allowed to do this (you’d need to reinstate the original when you leave or give the landlady copies. You’re meant to give her copies if you change the locks, but you could just ‘forget’.)

I must have missed that bit

Bright and breezy, friendly greeting and keep on walking

If she comes to the door "I'm just in the middle of something. I won't chat"

Ask landlord to get the key back, or instruct neighbour not to let herself in

The landlady gave her a key to your place?! WTAF? I'd be putting a stop to that pretty damn quickly!

Update: I like where I live and don’t want to move, so I have had some polite but serious and clear conversations and - fingers crossed - all is settling down. Thank you.

I suspect the landlord has asked her to keep an eye on the place and on you and she is doing this by befriending you. I’d asked your landlord to retrieve the key, advise that you have a right to the private enjoyment of your property m, advise that you are a good tenant and want the landlord to put a stop to your neighbours behaviour, it’s too intrusive and its unreasonable

Old post but for anyone else who stumbles across it: you have every legal right to change your locks and you don't have to give the landlord a key. You just have to put things right before leaving.

There is a cheap way to change locks - just swap out the internal section where the tongue is.

If anyone breaks in to your home (so no notice of inspection and no consent to be there without your presence): report as a break in to the police. That is trespassing as a minimum.

Your a fool giving her a key, never get too involved too quick with neighbours, you will have to ask for your key back, block her phone or move
this situation will only get worse and she will ruin your home life ..as she already has started…sounds ridiculous you must make a stand .
if she has family or friends tell them and your not happy ..

Exactly this, you have your own life to live, she needs to get on with hers and stay out of your flat! When I moved into my house 3 years ago my neighbour was friendly with me and I liked her, but she would put little notes through my door to let me know she was having building work done and I wasn’t very mobile at the time so I would put a note through her door in reply if she wasn’t in. I put my mobile no on the notes a couple of times as I thought texting would be easier (she’s a bit older than me). But I got nothing back, no phone no or anything which I thought was strange. And she seemed very security conscious with little thief stickers on her window and not informing me if she wasn’t going away so I could at least help with her bins. She has one neighbour I think she trusts. Anyway I feel sad she doesn’t trust me as I thought we could have been friends but hey ho I got the message loud and clear. Your neighbour needs to get the loud and clear message and your landlord needs to sort the door locks! I also like the headphones idea. Sorry to waffle on but good luck!

This is true, even a landlord has to give 24 hours notice, or more to request coming into your property, even then they need your permission, so I don’t know how she got a key to your door, maybe took a copy or something, but I would definitely have a word with the landlord and make them change the locks, failing that, the police should be informed, I hope nothing was missing, she probably looked through your whole property. And block her number from now on.

Agree with this.
You don’t need this hassle, and her having the key is totally unacceptable.
Move or get the locks changed and tell her you don’t enjoy small talk and want to chill.
I’d not put up with this any longer it’s mad.

Totally agree …

Please ignore the posters saying things like "there’s nothing you can do about the key".
On the other hand, you should listen to the many people who have now strongly recommended that you change the locks yourself.
Unless it's a particularly unusual/ sophisticated lock, it will likely to be relatively cheap and simple to just buy a replacement barrel or mechanism and swap it out (usually the only tools needed for this are screwdrivers). You can switch it back when you leave the tenancy.

And THIS is the reason why I never get friendly with neighbours. I once had a neighbour 3 doors down (who had moved from the other side of the village - 1 mile away,) ask me once if I wanted to come in for coffee and I said 'no thanks, I don't really like going into peoples houses or having people around mine, I have social anxiety. I am happy to chat outside with people but, struggle with visits and visiting people.'

The last time this happened and I did go for a coffee, the woman in question expected an invite back and she got really intense and needy, and wouldn't leave me alone - ever (like with the OP!) and I don't want to have this happening again. I keep people at arms length. I know some may accuse me of being anti-social, but it works for me. I've had too many not-so-good, and actual bad experiences with friends - and neighbours, (after being too friendly/sociable with them,) and I don't intend to repeat them.

This woman who asked me looked down her nose at me and was really was miffed and said 'oh, well, so much for being friendly and neighbourly then!' and walked away. 😬She lived there another 4 years before she moved out of the area, and never spoke to me again. Several neighbours reported back to me that she had said I 'wasn't very nice' and was 'very unfriendly and rude.' The other neighbours knew I wasn't, and soon discovered that she was a bit of an obnoxious dickhead. I'm so glad I never engaged with her! I mean, fuck me, I'm allowed to decline an invitation. I shouldn't have someone throwing shade over me and trying to make me feel like shit because I don't want to go into their house for coffee!

tl;dr, change the locks @Seaswimmer23 !

!