AIBU to feel overwhelmed by an overly involved next-door neighbour?

[Seaswimmer23]

I’ve recently moved from London to a smallish town in Lancashire for work. I’ve found a lovely place to live, but the place not issue is my next-door neighbour. She’s been friendly since I moved in, inviting me in for tea, and chatting every time I step outside. And it’s this. I have a busy job and value my peace and independence. I now can’t step outside without a full rundown of her day, and a grilling about mine. I’ve tried to say I’m rushing, I often am, and I’m always polite, but I feel like I’m 15 again not being able to do anything without a million questions and a million moans. If I’m staying in with a book or film she phones me, several times, then knocks if I don’t answer as my phone is on silent. She keeps track of my every move! I love living here but it’s can’t bear this. I’m considering moving. Oh and she has a key, given to her by the landlady. AIBU?

The landlady needs to take back the spare key to your flat from your nieghbour and give it to you.

Your nieghbour has no right to let herself into your flat, and this is a MASSIVE red flag.

She has no buisness going into your flat and interfering with your freezer when you are not there, who the hell does she think she is? I would go ballistic.

You need to tell the nieghbour she must not let herself into your flat when you are not there and under no circumstances should she have the spare key. Speak firmly and with a serious tone of voice as this is a security risk.

If the landlady is not for taking your flats spare key back from your busy body nieghbour, then complain in writing, (email) then involve the local authority / council who should be able to step in and force the landlady to pay attention to the regulations.

Hopefully you may not have to move again.

How are you being so passive about her LETTING HERSELF IN AND USING YOUR FREEZER?

The LL gave her a key, well she's proven she cannot be trusted. Ask for it back and do not take 'no' for an answer. Then you contact your landlady and tell her what has happened so she is aware.

This is utterly bonkers. You're uncomfortable with the situation now so no worse off for doing this, at least she won't be bothering you.

Noooooo this cant go on.
Take the key off her and tell your landlady you have done so.
Also tell her the neighbour is coming into your home without consent.
She will of nosed around I bet you.
As for the next door neighbour you have to be blunt this isn't a you problem its her she is way way overstepping being blunt is key here.

Wtaf.Im very much Northern and this isn't a Northern thing its a batshit thing!

"She has no buisness going into your flat and interfering with your freezer when you are not there, "

she has no business doing it when the OP is there without express permission

Good grief! "Northern people" are not some different species who need to be domesticated and handled right. How incredibly patronising. We can, and do, bite.
The neighbour clearly has a screw loose and possibly the landlady does too. They need to know what the law says about illegal entry, not cajoling over a cup of tea.
@Seaswimmer23 , I really believe @CalliopeFosterBeauchamp has the ideal approach.

Report this incident to the Police on 101. Check your broadband as well. This is breaking and entry, stalking and shouldn't be tolerated.

Are you sure other items haven't gone missing?

After you make the report, contact the landlady to aprise her of the situation and tell both her and the police that you feel unsafe.

Thank you. And I’m northern!!!

Honestly this is shocking.
is she mentally unwell?? Serious question!
I think you need to speak to the landlady and say this is not acceptable that someone else has access to your property and therefore she needs to remove the key or change the locks. This is really serious to me!!!

I’d start being really abrupt - not rude, but when she says oh hello and starts talking, literally say ‘hello! Sorry can’t stop’ and walk away. Do this every time. She’s clearly a nutter!

How old is she? I had neighbours who were quite 'nosey' however during Covid they were life savers to me and I grew to appreciate them being nosey was concern. They were in their 60's. I moved, to a new home my neighbours are younger with 2 teenagers and 2 adult daughters and I hate it! They had a package delivered were not home so I took it in, i think they must have stated leave with neighbour. 2 weeks later I had to send it back because they wouldn't collect it, even when I knew they were in they wouldn't open the door.

I live in the north and all that OP has described sounds absolutely insane.

The fact they are long-standing friends does not supersede your right to peaceful enjoyment of the property you are paying for. There is legislation under the renters rights act. If the landlord or anyone representing them (which this neighbour clearly does) wishes to access the property for maintenance or routine inspection, they have to provide you with notice.

I'd speak to the landlady and put a stop to that immediately. If she won't get the key back off her then I think you have grounds for legal action as you didn't give consent for an overbearing neighbour to be able to let themselves in and use the house! That's absolutely mad!

I think you'll firmly have to tell her that you don't want her knocking and coming over. Say you're busy and don't have time/ want to forge that kind of relationship with her so you'll stick to being neighbours.

People so overbearing won't take hints as they don't see anything wrong with how they are acting.

My neighbour is just like this! I humoured her initially. Recently I bought a do not disturb sign for my front door and said its because I'm really busy home working. I'm not! It's worked a treat. It had got to the point that if my back door was open, she'd call for me, then ring a little bell, then get a stick and bang on the open door.

You could try the same?

Contact ll and get them to get the key asap
No way in hell would i accept that!!

Failing that, ask for a 50% reduction in rent because contrary to how it was presented to you, your flat is not a private property after all and if you're going to have a flatmate you weren't aware of, the fee should reflect that. I'm not joking. This is bonkers.

Absolutely agree

That’s such an over reaction. She just needs to have a polite word and set some rules. Neighbours can be very helpful, she just needs to get her to back off a bit. And police would consider thuu it s a waste of a call when all she needs to do is speak to the lady and set some rules.

Oh no! I can see a landlord / lady may wish to have backup keys elsewhere in case of emergency, but if it has to be the neighbours, they need to be neighbours with professional boundaries. This neighbour has neither professional boundaries or personal boundaries. I’d probably focus your energies on moving and knowing you are escaping this bizarre situation. It’s unfortunate but too weird. And in the meantime, speak to the landlady about the freezer incident - I’m fairly sure the landlady had to give 24 hours notice to enter a tenant’s house?? Let alone a random person.

I would talk to the landlady, don't care if friends. This is unacceptable, and even with a key she's breaking in! She doesn't have your permission.
I would hate this and couldn't live like this...

As for the talking, just keep stopping her and leaving. Just go. She'll get the message. I used to have a neighbour who'd shout over the fence 'you got a minute', and my heart would sink because it never was a minute. I just started to ignore her or say no.

She is a crazy person. I would move or fall
out with her enough to stop her talking to you.
Her having a key would put me on edge. No way.

this woman needs clear boundaries and WTF are you doing letting her into your house

are you in the UK? As your landlord has no right to access to your home without appointment - change the locks and be absolutely clear with this neighbour you aren't going to be friends.

you are going to have to offend her here as this is extreme.

Harassment is serious. Polite words have already been said to no avail. Breaking into someone's home ( the key was not given to the neighbour by the OP) and taking contents is a serious issue.

Reporting all these as an incident, 101, is standard.

How would you feel if someone went into your home and took items from your freezer? Would you feel violated?

Edit: My friend and I had keys to each other's house as single parents when our now adult children were young, for emergency only. No way did either of us go gaily into each other's house to help ourselves to the freezer contents.

Definitely talk to the landlady and say you're uncomfortable with the neighbour having a key but if they're good friends then you may not get the result you want.

Best advice is to move

Change locks
Keep old lock
Replace old lock when you move out