AIBU to feel overwhelmed by an overly involved next-door neighbour?

[Seaswimmer23]

I’ve recently moved from London to a smallish town in Lancashire for work. I’ve found a lovely place to live, but the place not issue is my next-door neighbour. She’s been friendly since I moved in, inviting me in for tea, and chatting every time I step outside. And it’s this. I have a busy job and value my peace and independence. I now can’t step outside without a full rundown of her day, and a grilling about mine. I’ve tried to say I’m rushing, I often am, and I’m always polite, but I feel like I’m 15 again not being able to do anything without a million questions and a million moans. If I’m staying in with a book or film she phones me, several times, then knocks if I don’t answer as my phone is on silent. She keeps track of my every move! I love living here but it’s can’t bear this. I’m considering moving. Oh and she has a key, given to her by the landlady. AIBU?

Is your insurance company happy for your ndn to have a key ? Just asking !

“Hi x,

I was horrified to learn recently that Nosy Neighbour has a key to number 3, and has been using it to let herself in without my knowledge.

As you’ll be aware, the 1988 Housing Act (link here) states that it’s illegal for anyone to enter the property without notice, except in the event of a genuine emergency.

For my peace of mind, I’d like you to speak to her and to change the locks as soon as possible.

Thank you, OP”

I think you should ask the landlady to get the key back from the neighbour. It must surely be a violation of your contract for the property to be insecure in this way?

If you can't find a form or words to keep the neighbour away, I would also consider asking for the landlady's input, since they are friends. Both parties should understand your right to privacy.

Hopefully the landlady's removal of the key from the neighbour would send quite an effective signal. But to smooth the way, it would be good to come up with some sort of lie that a terminally insensitive person could accept as a grounds for respecting your privacy.

Don’t do any of this; northern people are very friendly and she’s just trying to make friends with you not appreciating she has overstepped the mark. Ask her in for a cup of tea and explain clearly to her that you value your privacy and youve come here for some peace and quiet. Tell her you don’t want her using her key to come into your home unless it’s a genuine emergency (house on fire or the like) and she mustn’t use your things, such as your freezer. If it does happen again, tell her you’ll be forced to ask the landlady to change the locks. See how that goes. If it doesnt work out, you’ll be forced to move.

WTAF!

Speak your landlord and ask for the locks to be changed. Explain that you don’t feel safe in your own home knowing someone has let themself in when you’re not there.
This is beyond bonkers behaviour from your neighbour!

I’d also get a ring doorbell fitted.

And definitely, definitely get those locks changed

It's against the law for her to use a key to let herself into your home.

This is crazy-speak to your landlady.

Nobody would be cool with this, so don't feel guilty Ring the landlord tomorrow and insist that the locks are changed as the neighbour has been letting herself in. What an instrusion.

It's a very awkward situation for you. I'm guessing she is older and retired. What is her excuse for ringing you? A chat?

I would just be ignoring the door and phone and just shout a few pleasantries whilst I speed past. The sad thing is with some people if you give an inch, they take a mile.

@Ilikesundays letting yourself into someone else flat and putting food into their freezer isn’t being friendly, it’s overstepping by a mile.

I’ve met very friendly people all over the world.

I’d be fucked if them being friendly gave them permission to wander about my home when I wasn’t there.

No. You are not forced to move. At all.
New locks. Key returned. As law states.
Neighbour keep to herself. Landlord should have learned a lesson.

She might have a key for emergencies but there is absolutely no way she can be walking into your house any time she fancies. Some ground rules need putting in place sharpish.

If the landlady and her are friends, and the landlady has previously had trouble with tenants, I wonder if neighbour is doing this on purpose to keep tabs on you in case you cause trouble! Although...maybe she was like this with previous tenants and that's why there was trouble!

You should tell your landlady that you are not happy about your neighbour having a key and using it to enter your property without your permission, and if anything goes missing, or gets damaged, you will, of course, have to inform the police of any additional key holders.

Fucking hell OP

Change the locks, change your number or block her, get advice from Shelter, and move to Australia, all at the same time.

I could NOT live like this.

I would move. She's massively invading your privacy and is probably feeding back to the landlord because they are friends.

Nah I don’t think so! I’m from Lancashire and i’d bloody hate this. How intrusive!
It’s also illegal for her to be able to let herself into your house.
You need to have a word with the landlord , and tell the neighbour you are busy and can’t talk. Just say ‘sorry i’m busy’ , repeat until she gets the message.

@Seaswimmer23 grey rock treatment is being very bland and uninteresting in every interaction.
E.g. Them: hi how was your weekend? Do anything nice.
You: it was good. (Then head down, turn away, nothing else to comment.)
Absolute minimal contact.
You don't have to be in a conversation.i know we are brought up to be polite but she's not being polite if you say you are busy and she wants to talk.

This.
I actually would start looking to move and tell the LL unauthorised access being given to a neighbour as the reason.
I'd be very pissed off at the LL as well.

I'm a friendly northern person and I, nor anyone I know, would act like this neighbour! OP don't ask her in for a cup of tea, she'll take it as a gesture of friendship. Be blunt- rude if necessary and tell the landlord to change your locks ASAP.

Northern people are great this is not normal for anyone, just be careful if you have a pet rabbit (no that was not a serious suggestion)

I agree - landlady is at fault here too. I expect she invited her friend to use your freezer. So much for the right of quiet enjoyment in your own home

Entering somebodys home without permission is shocking and illegal.This woman has zero respect for her neighbours privacy, she is not friend material, she is a stalker. I would definitely be speaking to the landlord, and the police. Then I would get as far away as possible from this creep.

The landlord needs to change the locks, I would get the police involved too and get this logged. She's a stalker, no reasonable excuse for her to be snooping around your place.

If a Northerner behaved like that with another northern neighbour, had a key to their house and also the audacity to comment on the contents of their freezer after they trespassed on their property; the last thing we would do would be invite them in for a brew and a polite chat. We are very friendly indeed until you cross a massive boundary like this. She isn't trying to make friends, she's a nosy old bag who should mind her effing business. Probably reports your every move to the landlord as well, and why the last tenants moved out.