To feel like I’ve lost my freedom and spontaneity for the next decade minimum

[overandoveragain26]

I’ve already posted in lone parents but no replies and I’ll be honest - I really need a whinge tonight, nothing else needed [ smile]

I love my children so much but … I want some time away, some proper time away, not a few snatched hours, a full day, preferably a weekend, where I don’t need to worry about dashing back, can explore somewhere new, can wander and be me and soak it all in.

And it isn’t realistic for it to happen. No family to help, it’s a huge massive ask for friends, and I just need to wait until they are old enough to be self sufficient but realistically that’s going to be a decade or more!

I think it’s best you don’t reply anymore too.

OP - I hope you’re ok, you’ve been given a hard time on here for no good reason at all. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m shocked at the lack of empathy for you.

I will reply to you though.

OP said her being widowed wasn’t relevant to her post, her post was about being a lone parent and lack of spontaneity. And that’s how most people responded, that being a parent is hard. She’s now saying people were making horrible comments, and in the context of ‘just’ being a lone parent, they weren’t horrible comments.

OP, I want to sincerely apologise if anything in my post early on caused you any hurt or upset. It was never my intention. 💐

Babysitter!

OP, please try and focus on the kind posts. We don't know you, but we are with you.

This phrase always help me when faced with judgement or unkindness
"What someone says, says everything about them and nothing about you"

Whether you become a mum at 18 or 38, it's tough. Really tough. Amazing, but tough. It's not a competition. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Finding it hard, but getting up and doing it every single day makes you a hero.

I have so much admiration for mums who are doing it on their own, for whatever reason.

I hope you find your 'village' who support you and lift you up.

I think for the most part people aren’t being unempathetic, they’re just trying to provide different perspectives, sympathise, and provide solutions. But as it seems OP (understandably) just wanted to vent her frustrations, I guess those don’t feel helpful.
I don’t think most people have said OP’s feelings aren’t absolutely valid, just that every parent experiences this to some degree (usually a lesser degree, of course!), and all you can do is grab moments of peace where you can, and look forward to gradually regaining your freedom. But again, if OP is just wanting to vent, that won’t be what she wants/needs to hear right now.

I'm so sorry OP.
It must be devastating to lose your husband, and shouldering your children's grief must be a heavy load too.

You're in a really hard relentless season and I really hope you find more kindness in real life than you have on this thread, which has been a shock to read.

Sending big love and strength to you

Is it really a huge ask of a friend though? Sometimes we make assumptions that are wrong. When mine were little they loved a sleepover, I would often have a friends 2 kids on a friday night - she could drop them off at school and have all day amd night friday, id pick them up from school and have them until midday Saturday. It wasnt a big deal to me, it might not be for others. In return she would feed our pets when we were away.

Its hard to ask for help but its worth doing

I do hear what you’re saying, but if you looked at the poster I’m replying to’s history in this thread, you might see what I was getting at.

I also really do think there’s a difference when somebody is widowed, and not just a single parent, they can feel both bereaved and truly alone in quite a fundamental way.