That is what I consider the most baffling aspect.
It's one thing to bring a few bowls of stuff and plate it up.
But she made such a point of wrapping it up in individual portions for three and also took home all the individual portions of fruit and yogurts that they didn't eat.
And sat there handed it out to the three lucky ones leaving the OP sitting there like a complete numpty, then instructed her to bring her own lunch. Even the thickest person watching the poor op struggling out to make some toast would have twigged or softened at that point. But she didn't. It's almost beyond insensitive, so it has to be deliberate.. but why? its baffling. As previously OP catered for them.
OP said this person is very oversensitive. I can only think that having said she'd drive to visit OP, she took offense when OP said she couldn't cater as usual and didn't have the brain capacity to put herself in the OP's shoes and realise what catering after surgery would entail, but couldn't see past that and felt a bit snubbed as if she'd been tricked into agreeing to a visit only to find out she was denied lunch, and thought. Right then. If I have to bring my own lunch, that is what I will do.. and that's why she made such a point of it?
It's such a very odd way to treat the OP. The worst part telling her to go and get her own lunch... I thought that was very clearly was implying that she thought if OP could make her own lunch, she could have made theirs. If that's the thinking, it was really passive aggressive. She just couldn't see past her own needs. And completely lacks empathy.
I wouldn't want to ever cook for them again.
I don't blame you OP for feeling that its not worth dealing with the drama at present. It's so tiring recovering from surgery without coping with someone crying at you and you just don't need it. You can always say it if the moment presents itself in the future. Wishing you a speedy recovery.