Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

That’s bonkers. Who imposes on a friend who’s just had surgery for four hours and doesn’t bring them lunch? If you absolutely must visit you go for half an hour, do their hoovering, make them a sandwich and a cup of tea, and then you fuck off. That’s The Law!

They are extremely odd people! Who eats food and doesn't even offer the host? Firstly, coming to your house while you are immobile is inconsiderate in itself. And secondly, to not even bring food for you is even worse. It is good etiquette to ask, especially someone who is in your position, whether you would like to eat something that they could bring/make. I would distance myself from such people.

That happened to me once. I had a newborn and said I’d love a visitor but I didn’t have anything in for lunch and my friend wanted to come at lunchtime. She said no problem I’ll get some food from the bakery near me. Lovely I thought. Yes, she got herself a lovely pie and nothing for me! I sat there and watched her eat it!

Thats insane.

Also, who invites themselves for FOUR hours when someone is unwell and recovering?!! Bet you were exhausted when they left.

Ludicrous they wouldn’t bring enough and ask if you were ready to eat something so they could prepare it for you. I’m sorry but you have got weird friends.

They should have bought you lunch and ‘get well soon presents!’

Wow. They are utterly clueless.

WTAF!!!!! Just all kinds of cuntfuckery!!!! What absolute bell ends!!!!!!

Seems odd but does depend on what you actually said.

That’s inexcusable. There is no misunderstanding/crossed wires that could account for this selfish and thoughtless behaviour. What sort of person would behave like that and think it was acceptable?? I’ve actually got a lump in my throat picturing you sitting there recovering from surgery and those selfish pigs eating in front of you 😡

My thoughts are that try as I might, I just can't believe it 🤷‍♂️

Is there some sort of cultural difference at play? Are they from somewhere in the world where imposing your entire family on someone post op for 4hrs is the norm, yet are so ignorant they don't bring you any lunch?

This is one of the most rudest things I have ever read. Do not maintain any sort of contact with these selfish idiots.

Nah! They were just being thoughtless, selfish and rude. There is no way on this Earth I could do that to anyone… bring, prepare and eat a meal in someone else house and not include them. Unbelievable.

Did they take their rubbish back with them or did they leave it in your bin?

Crikey. Deranged or what?

Double post

Batshit.
I used to go and visit an aunt who had cancer and was undergoing various treatments. I would always take a variety of things for lunch, and message to ask if there was anything particular she wanted as it was so variable.

I can see why they did that, you didn't ask them to make you anything. They could of genuinely thought they were being easy going etc.

That's very bloody peculiar behaviour no matter what way people try to slice and dice it with 'lack of communication' 😂

Without wanting to sound like some outraged Daily Express etiquette columnist wtf is going on that people don't know how to act like a normal guest?! I'm embarrassed on behalf of those weirdos and I wish you a speedy recovery

The fact they forced themselves on you when you are not up to hosting makes the rest of the post completely unsurprising.

So odd from them. I don’t think miscommunication covers it. I’ve been to countless friends houses who have just had a baby or surgery and always offered to bring lunch over (for me and the friend, obviously). It’s just a basic when someone is knackered or laid up to offer and to be the one to plate it up, plus make cups of tea (unless they prefer not, of course).

YANBU

I don't think they did it on purpose - I think they genuinely thought you just meant for them but its awful behaviour. Even if that was true once she saw you didnt have anything she should have offered you some.

I would be mortified if I had a whole picnic set up and someone whos house I went to was eating toast. I would probably have offered you mine and gone and made the toast for me.

Normally I would be really taken aback by this kind of behaviour, but i'm not surprised.

One of my closest trends, I did a massive favour for her. Gave her free professional advice and work to her partner who was involved in a legal dispute.And I am a solicitor. Sat up one night draughted, all the documents for them filled out the court papers.They didn't know how to do and emailed it all to them.It took a good couple of hours and bear in mind my charge outrate is over £500 an hour excluding vat.

I want to want to make it clear.I did not ask for any reward.I was happy to help my friend. She insisted on me coming over to her area and she would take me for dinner and then drive me home as a thank you. When I arrived, she drove me straight to Sainsbury's to buy my own food to be heated up in her oven. And then she withdrew the offer of driving me home and dumped me out at the closest station where it took me nearly two hours to get home.

I was actually deeply hurt, because I did it out of the kindness of my own heart.And I would rather be offered nothing than the appalling behaviour she displayed that night.

She offered to take me out for dinner and I got to buy something in sainsbury's to heat up in her oven.And then get myself home. I would have rather, she just said.Thank you.And left it at that.

Sadly, I am not surprised at the shocking behaviour that was displayed, but I would be reconsidering my friendship with them.

I would have asked you first if you were up to having me as a guest.And if you weren't, I would have accepted that, and I absolutely would have brought food for you and cooked it for you.

Nutcases.