Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

They are terrible friends!

That's deranged- YANBU!!

How selfish.

That's unbelievably rude of them.

That’s really odd. I don’t even think it was deliberately rude, just fucking weird.

“I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them”

YANBU to think they would include you, but is the above what you actually said to them? If so, I can see where the confusion came from. They interpreted it as you wouldn’t be cooking for them and maybe that you weren’t able to get extra food in for them but they assumed you had your usual groceries in for yourself. It’s the kind of thing my mum would say and expect us just to bring bits for ourselves.

Sounds like a lack of proper communication between you all to be honest. You said you couldn't make them lunch for them, they said they could bring lunch (you did say 'for them' in your post). Surgery totally messes up food schedules, so they could have assumed you were eating a specific diet and/or at specific times. They didn't ask - but neither did you clarify when you said you couldn't make lunch 'for them' whether or not the plan was to all eat together or not. They interpreted it in the way they did - doesn't make them mean - if it were me I would have brought more stuff for you, but to be honest I would have had the conversation with my mate. Not least because they might also want me to bring other stuff if they were a bit restricted to their home during recovery. But no one is the big bad wolf here - people just need to talk more effectively!

So inconsiderate of them

I do hope you told them how to get themselves a glass of water, while you sat drinking tea?
That's bonkers behaviour from them. Well, you know for the future now, eh!

That’s so awful!
i would have to ask them what on earth they were thinking
TBH i think it’s pretty thoughtless of anyone to descend on someone who isn’t well and immobile and NOT be helpful ie do a job or two, bring shopping etc

At the very least, if they didn't bring enough for 4 they could/should have offered to get something ready from what you had to hand. But the ideal and kindest would have been to bring enough for 4...

I am trying to imagine being in the position of your friends and not bringing food. I can't. Shockingly impolite.

My parents did this when DS was a newborn and DP had just returned to work. So bizarre not to think oh I'll also bring something for Behm to have too.

YANBU!

Rude for them to invite themselves on a day out in the first place.
IF they really hadn't even considered bringing you something, when it was clear you had nothing planned to eat, they should have offered to make you a sandwich or the toast for your.

I wouldn't consider these people friends and when/if you see them again, I'm point out how rude and inconsiderate they were.

I think that's rude as fuck.

They're not friends, sorry. Friends wouldn't be inviting themselves in the first place and with you being on crutches they'd be bringing food for you too.

Distance yourself from these weirdos.

You'd think she would ask if you'd like something brought in. Only someone with no social awareness would bring in food for themselves and not the person they're visiting!

The only explanation I can think of is that they thought you had lost your appetite. Unless it’s something like that, that was extremely odd of your friends. If I’d made that mistake, I would have shared out the food so everyone had less but you also had some.

What astonishing insensitivity!
To sit there and pig-out why their (hungry) sick friend watches them is either lack of empathy on an epic scale or they are punishing you for not making them lunch as you always do.
Either way they would be ex-friends as far as I’m concerned!

That’s mental. The actual thoughtlessness!

People are actually nuttsy.

I would have been shocked too.

No way?! 😞
Are you sure they didn't just say 'are you going to get a plate and join us' or something? Grabbing at straws here.

Unless they believed you had allergies, arfid, anorexia, were vegan or coeliac and therefore the food wouldn't be able to be eaten by you? But even then why on earth didn't they bring something they knew you could eat?!

I'd be mortified. On their behalf. I mean I'd have just said 'erm, why can't I have some of the vast cornucopia of food you've just presented to the rest of my household?!'
And proceeded to help myself.

But I'd also have somewhat lost my appetite at their rude antics.

It does seem very odd but they do seem to have got the impression that you would be feeding yourself. I’m a massive overeater and overcaterer (and it shows) so my meal for 3 would probably feed 6 anyway…

Is it usually you that hosts them or do they ever invite you round?

Sounds like she was passive aggressively showing you that she was doing your job in feeding herself and the kids.

Nutty fruitcakes!! Why did they insist on visiting you, that's what I can't understand? Do they usually use you as a lunch stop off on their way somewhere else?

Oh come on!