Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

Are they stupid?

It's not even rudeness at that level, it's just mind-blowingly dumb behaviour.

So they basically treated your house as a National Trust property (somewhere that none of them live, but they got for a nice day out and take a picnic).

HOW were they not rigid with mortification when they realised what they'd done?!

Same reason, I said nothing to my friend.When she behaved similarly towards me. I was too taken aback.

I'm convinced some posts on MN will eventually be the death of me given the second hand rage they can induce. 😂

What kind of friends behave like this? It was selfish, thoughtless and thoroughly shameless.

Poor you! Get well soon. 🌸

No it doesn’t. The only thing that would have been acceptable is if OP had clearly stated ‘don’t bring any food for me.’

@WadsworthyIm constantly shocked at the amount of posters that are happy to be so passive in their own life. So many of these problems could be solved if people just spoke up. I can't think of one single person in my life that would sit back and allow this kind of scenario to play out.

They shouldn't have been visiting when you weren't well, but to rock up with their own meal and nothing for you - and to actually ask if you were going to get yourself something - is absolutely outrageous. There's no way this is due to a lack of communication on your part. They're beyond thoughtless and selfish.

It's the 'too taken aback'/'too stunned and flabbergasted'/'I don't like confrontation' type wet lettuces that'll be the death of me 😂

So ridiculous and makes me wonder how some people get though everyday life.

I possibly would in the moment because I'd been rendered mute by shock at the sheer CFery that was unfolding in my own house by my so called friends.

How utterly selfish! Knowing you’d said you’re not up to making anything I would have included you in the goodies and bought enough to leave you with leftovers for a couple of meals!!

Exactly.

And no-one can actually invite themselves anywhere.

At the point the OP agreed to the visit, she invited them.

That’s bizarre. Especially when they realised you were eating toast not to share!! People never cease to amaze me.

Oh but in this case let’s cut @thevoiceofreasoning some slack! She’s recovering from surgery. And sometimes people’s outrageous behaviour can leave one just speechless. The OP was being polite. It’s her friends who should be ashamed, not the OP for being passive!

Exactly! I really cannot imagine how grown adults could not work out that you were unable to prepare any food! Especially as you had said just that!! Even then, surely they would have realised their mistake and offered to share?!!

To be fair, she's maybe not at the top of her game at the moment. She's still recovering from surgery.

When I had ds (not my first ) ils came over mumbling about having a big Sunday roast.
When i came home ds was a day old.

They expected me to cook it. So shocked I actually did..
A woman womaned the fuck after that.
I'd be texting them an invoice for using your plates.

Do you always host them for a yummy two course lunch or have they ever returned the favour?

They really do take the biscuit!

I quite literally couldn’t sit there and eat a yummy meal while someone who is struggling to get around has to manage with a bit of toast. But some people are super selfish. I had people come round to me with a new born and expected to be entertained, catered for etc.

I may have done that if it was laid out centrally where we could all help ourselves … but she had plated it all with their individual sandwich preferences and little individual pots of salad etc. I wasn’t about to start grabbing things from their individual plates!

Quite! If I was visiting an immobile friend I would have brought lunch for them and a couple of prepped meals for their fridge / freezer plus some fruit, biscuits, fresh bread and milk. That's normal isnt it?!

It’s odd and inconsiderate but I guess technically they didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ per se. I had something similar once where I said I’d call to see a friend during my lunch break when it was her day off and I was working closeby. (She’d suggested I call in at lunchtime, I didn’t invite myself) and she cooked some delicious looking and smelling pasta. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it herself without offering me any! I realised she hadn’t technically invited me for lunch but assumed that as she was cooking when I arrived that it would be for both of us! I was starving and didn’t have time to get myself anything before I had to be back at work!

Mumsnet is full of wet lettuces though.

Like a farm full.

It makes me wonder how they advocate for their children sometimes.

I had lots of snippy little suggestions, but it's so bloody tiring dealing with people like OP's friends. 🙄

These friends are rude. Plain and simple.
Do not serve lunch. Tea and biscuits only.

I'm tempted to ask what OP receives when she visits them, but I fear it'll be OP takes a lovely dessert while her her host serves weak tea and stale crisps.

That's shocking @thevoiceofreasoning

Those who believe that they would have spoken up - please can you give examples of times when something similar happened to you, what you said, what the outcome was etc.

This 100%. WTAFucking fuck?

"Vera, make us up a plateful would you love? Thanks".