Sick of my wife’s temper

[Seriouslyworrieddad]

My wife has always had a temper but recently it’s next level and I’m concerned for her but mainly our child.

We have a toddler who admittedly is extremely full on - for the last 6 weeks he has been going through a sleep regression and my wife has been completely loosing the plot with him during night wakes.

We had a conversation about it last week and she said she would look into anger management.

I’m away at the moment and my wife is now sleep training our toddler. I called before bedtime to say good night not realising that my wife had put our child down early. She answered the call in a room seperate to where our child was sleeping but it must have disturbed them as the next thing I could hear was our child crying so my wife hung up.

She then preceded to send me increasingly angry messages saying bedtime was a disaster and then called me shouting down the phone saying it was all my fault. I could hear our child screaming and crying in the background.

Thankfully I know my child is asleep now but I’m just getting sick to death of my wife’s temper and worried about her with my child.

Does anyone have any advice please ?

How does she just get enough sleep without OP waking with his child though? The sleep is not in her control, it could easily be in her DH’s control to give her several nights sleep a week though.

Absolutely!

Exactly this. Go home!

He is not away. He is working to support the family. Ffs.

This place is fucking wild.

The OP was purposely vague, nowhere did he state he was away working so at this point it’s wild to make stuff up.

Don’t offer help ! It is not her responsibility to be in charge of all the household and mental loads. you both have responsibilities, you should be able to see what needs doing and just get on with it and do it.

for example. When you say you “took the child in the mornings and weekends” what exactly did you mean? Did you get the child up, dressed, fed and out of the house to do something together, leaving the kitchen tidy and the breakfast things put away. Or did you have to keep on asking her what to do, where things were, what the child needed to take etc and then left the kitchen in a state for her to come down to?

If a mum was concerned her male partner was going to harm her child I doubt she'd go away for work and leave him alone with the child.
And if she did she'd get ripped apart.

He can't be that concerned or else he wouldn't have gone away. If you seriously think your wife is capable of harming your toddler you do not go away. You take sick leave and have the child 100% until the other parent is no longer a risk

I’m sorry but this is not ok.

You’re seriously implying that if women ensured their partners were well rested, well fed and calm - they’ll be a lot less angry??

That sounds like something out of the 1920s when it was acceptable for a man to beat his wife for not having dinner on the table.

I’m sure OP is also stressed and tired considering he’s still working FT and has a baby - is it acceptable that he comes home and goes into a rage because he’s tired or hungry?

She sounds like she’s not coping. Verbally abusing children is not ok. Especially when they are doing normal children things like waking at night.
you need to go home.
look after the children for a few days and send her away to a nice hotel for a few days.
when she comes back have a chat about changes that can be made. Can you sleep with the toddler at night so she gets undisturbed sleep for a while until she feels better.

It sounds like she’s really struggling and you’re not taking this seriously, calling & waking house up is hugely insensitive and in a sleep deprived person will feel so personal and possibly lead to an overreaction. Take a few days off and help out, she obviously needs sleep, a reset and space to think about what’s going on, all this can’t be done while sleep deprived.

Some women have bad tempers and are not that nice. Worth a thought.

He’s working away not on a jolly to Benidorm!

How do you know?

Good for you. Not "triggered" at all, I just think anger is a choice. Its not the OPs job to meet her needs.

I mean it is when the needs is a human basic,
sleep. And the reason she’s not getting it is because she’s doing all the night care for their shared child.

Angry or on her knees exhausted? Sorry op but my god you’re away, your child’s sleep is regressing and you fhink your wife’s problem is rage? It’s lack of bloody sleep and peace and space!!! All the things you’ll have had at least minutes if not hours of while you’re away. I’m angry FOR her!!!!

OP hasn't told us if he works full time.
Or that he's away with work right now. He's just said he's away.

The wording of your post “helping” your wife, being an equal parent and partner is not “helping” it’s not a favour to someone else and they owe you.
If you’re that concerned, go home and support her so she can be the mum she wants to be

My dh worked away just after our eldest was born, for 5 years, home at weekends only.

The grind of bedtimes alone is tough and I remember getting frustrated at the not going to sleep, especially after a long day.

I probably shouted at the situation at times, but not at my dd.
Like you, my DH used to get up with her early at the weekend and let me catch up on my sleep. He didn't do the night wakes because baby wasn't used to him at night and used to play merry hell. It was easier for me to get up.

Would she be happy for you to take your dc out at the weekend? My dh used to take ours out and I'd get sent pictures of them on their adventures. He was amazing with them that way and they still eulogise about their outings with him and they're in their 20's now.

Try and speak to your wife when she is calmer, let her talk and tell you what she is feeling before offering up solutions.

I went through a period of rage when my toddler was not sleeping, my husband occasionally did something to help but had to make point of telling me he had done it for me.

I could feel myself breaking, I desperately needed a break, some sleep, and I communicated my needs but they went unheard and my unmet until I finally burnt out and started raging at him all the time because I was so tired and had to just keep going and his defence was to keep on about the one or two things he had done for me to help which would be stupid things like bring the washing that was mostly his in for me or clean something he’s used so I could get something else done.
It shouldn’t take until she breaks before you support her, she needs your support and you should be getting through this together.

Honestly when a woman communicates to you that she is at breaking point and needs help, HELP before she burns out and becomes ill, because if she doesn’t take a break her body will shut down and force her to rest.

The OP hasn't come back.

It may not appeal, but I’d suggest hiring a night nanny for two or three nights a week. That way your wife should be able to catch up on sleep and an experienced night nanny can help with establishing routine.

No. I'm seriously implying that in this singular instance, on this particular comment, it was obvious what was being said. Taking something someone said and applying it to absolutely every circumstance is always going to upset someone. Congratulations, looks like you found some offence to take. 😊

Get home. Do all the night wakings. Get up with the child in the morning. Do bedtime

Silly statement. Someone presumably working full time should do all night wakings and get up with child every morning?! And what happens when OP gets burn out, because working all day and regular interrupted night time sleep isn’t going to be sustainable. We don’t know if when home OP helps with night times. He says she is SAHP, and guessing he might be working away, which isn’t unheard of in some families. If this was flipped and it was the wife posting this whilst away with dh dealing with toddler bedtimes, then the answers on here would be very different.

Get some childcare so your wife can have a break, do more nights and care yourself.

sure she shouldn’t be shouting but appreciate that she is doing everything.