Sick of my wife’s temper

[Seriouslyworrieddad]

My wife has always had a temper but recently it’s next level and I’m concerned for her but mainly our child.

We have a toddler who admittedly is extremely full on - for the last 6 weeks he has been going through a sleep regression and my wife has been completely loosing the plot with him during night wakes.

We had a conversation about it last week and she said she would look into anger management.

I’m away at the moment and my wife is now sleep training our toddler. I called before bedtime to say good night not realising that my wife had put our child down early. She answered the call in a room seperate to where our child was sleeping but it must have disturbed them as the next thing I could hear was our child crying so my wife hung up.

She then preceded to send me increasingly angry messages saying bedtime was a disaster and then called me shouting down the phone saying it was all my fault. I could hear our child screaming and crying in the background.

Thankfully I know my child is asleep now but I’m just getting sick to death of my wife’s temper and worried about her with my child.

Does anyone have any advice please ?

Which could mean anything. He could be offshore for all you know.

Agreed but he is probably in a hotel while he is working away. I don't think that is unreasonable at all. He should be able to earn the family money without his SAHM partner harming their child.

The fact that so many women here think this is normal behavuiur when you have to look after a child full-time is scary as hell.

Christ alive, are you the OP's mum?

No, I'm a woman who was in jail with women who murdered their children.

Wtf? So because you're a criminal you're an expert on mental health, PND and this family personally, and you think she's about to harm her child because she's at the end of her rope with sleep deprivation and her husband is useless? Alrighty then.

OP admits he doesn't do many night wakings. That's where to start, he needs to start getting up 50% of nights. Totally irrelevant if he's working during the day, she is too.

But yeah you just crack on and blame the woman till the cows come home 🙄

Was just meaning that 'working away' could mean anything - could be offshore, could be an on-call function with emergency services, international espionage, the works. Some posters seem to think that all jobs can just be dropped and abandoned at a moment's notice.

😂 what’s that got to do with anything

No because I actually spent yime around women who have abused and killed their kids, I recognise the patterns and know that many of them started with this type of rage before moving onto things like covering their children's noses and mouths with their hands for increasing periods "just to keep them quiet".

He doesnt do many nights because he works away and is the only breadwinner. Many single mothers do every single night without behaving this way.

Despite your normalisation of this abuse, it isn't normal.

Screaming and shouting at kids l, slamming doors and excusing it with fatigue is very common in people who have gone onto seriously injured or kill their children.

The most worrying is deflecting the blame. "I did this to a vulnerable child because you did or didnt do something else"

Another option they have...
If Mum is struggling to be a ft SAHM, why not go back to work pt?
She could put the toddler in childcare whilst she is out earning and have that break she "so desperately needs"?

The person who shared a cell with the one they’re talking about is a super reliable testimony!

I didnt share a cell with any of them. Most of them had their own cell because they are murderers and abusers.

So, to recap, there is clear evidence that the OP is emotionally and verbally abusive, as he has left his exhausted wife with a child he has stated is extremely full on, knows full well she is being tortured from weeks of lack of sleep, is fine with leaving her in charge (proving he is in no way afraid for his child, but came here to verbally abuse her and hope that those who lick the boots of men will line up with the himpathy.)

If he was actually worried for the child at all, instead of snuggling into a comfy bed in a hotel for a nice long night of uninterrupted sleep, after posting unnecessary and unehlpful comments about his wife, and give his tortured wife the sleep she actually needs to function as a human being, he would have driven home.

So, we know he's not worried about the child, which is great.

So, here's how to fix this OP - go home and let her rest for two full days. She gets to sleep as long as she want and does zero parenting. Two full days.

After that, when she is no longer wrecked and despairing from lack of sleep, you can discuss ways to ensure she is never left alone with no back up or support with an extremely full on child again.

Then, if necessary, you can both attend counselling. You can discuss how you can better fulfil your parental and husbandly duties, and she can discuss anything that needs addressing at that point.

And just to say there is not one single person on this thread throwing abuse at the exhausted wife but not saying OP needs to go home right now who is actually afraid for the child. Not one of you. Not a single one.

Every single person on this thread would be yelling abuse at the OP for not getting home immediately if they were actually worried about the child. Just as you do, and I do, when a mother lets her boyfriend/husband/partner abuse their kid.

There are two position the OP is bitching and whining about his exhausted wife, who has been left to deal with a very demanding child with no sleep all alone, and he is, as he stated, sick of her not being quietly sweet and perfect in a way he could not be after being tortured for weeks - but of course he is not afraid for the child because he'd be on his way home.

Or, option two, the OP is bitching and whining about his exhausted wife, who has been left to deal with a very demanding child with no sleep all alone, and he is, as he stated, sick of her not being quietly sweet and perfect in a way he could not be after being tortured for weeks - and he is afraid for his child so he is rushing home right now.

You can't have it both ways, these are the two options.

I don't know how I keep managing to quote myself by accident. Lack of sleep, I suppose, it fucks up everybody's cognitive abilities.

You're just "sick of her" for behaving exactly as every single person on here would behave if they too were being tortured, rather than being a nicey nicey wifey to you while she suffers in silence, as the robot version of her would

So you are saying if all mothers were left on their own with out a husbands support then they would abuse their children when inevitably their babies and children don’t sleep through the night

I can honestly say I have never screamed at dc ever.
Maybe because I know what that feels like and would never do that to my dc.
Even when through lack of sleep the world seemed to tilt and I thought I might pass out and ds had colic which meant he screamed and cried for hours each night and every night for a several weeks and nothing would ease his distress.

You might know people who scream at their children because the child won’t go to sleep, but that doesn’t mean everyone does that

Well said. Both this and your post you quoted!

Using your logic, every parent who has ever shouted at their child in a moment of frustration has then gone on to kill them. I doubt that’s true.

I don’t think the child is in immediate danger based on this handful of posts but they are certainly being verbally abused by the wife and it has to stop. People posting on this think they are sticking up for women but they are actually being quite misogynistic acting like this woman is some delicate flower who can do no wrong . Actually most women manage without losing their temper continuously and shouting at children without the help of men. So no , it’s not normal at all and it’s not being “tortured” it’s just normal child rearing being done by someone with a history of a temper who is being damaging towards their own child.

So, to recap, there is clear evidence that the OP is emotionally and verbally abusive, as he has left his exhausted wife with a child he has stated is extremely full on, knows full well she is being tortured from weeks of lack of sleep, is fine with leaving her in charge (proving he is in no way afraid for his child, but came here to verbally abuse her and hope that those who lick the boots of men will line up with the himpathy.)

The above can be further summarised by saying 'the OP went to work'.

I think it's the wife who is emotionally and verbally abusive to both the op and her child

instead of snuggling into a comfy bed in a hotel for a nice long night of uninterrupted sleep

Still not seen any evidence to back up this, either.

I and several other posters have said if OP fears the child is in actual physical danger then he needs to act - get home (if possible if not contact any known adult to family to step in and check in) and contact SS/HV and raise concerns.

I've also suggest support or actions that the OP could try and put in place. I don't think the behavior the wife as described is normal or really acceptabl.

I've suggested the OP try to rule out underlying illness, suggested support and suggested childcare if possible.

Ultimately none of us on here know the actual situation or what is actually going on with this couple and child - best advice is to seek RL support of some sort.

Hello @Seriouslyworrieddad

i have already posted on here, suggesting you take emergency parental leave, get home and assess situation in real life.

Please can you update as to how your child is? Did you get home?

Reading through the answers on this post has clarified something for me

When I was growing up my abusive mother screamed and shouted at me on a daily basis.
Her rage would erupt and you knew you were in for the several weeks of spiralling mental health and more and more abuse until she was eventually admitted to a psychiatric unit
Where she stayed doing basket weaving and getting herself” better”

I could never understand why after several weeks I was always handed back to her and the whole cycle would start again. (Even after she tried to kill me)

I get it now
The social workers had the same outlook as posters on this thread

It was because despite all evidence to the contrary, my mother even though she was nasty abusive, controlling and had murderous intentions she could do no wrong.

It was always someone else’s fault
It was always because someone ‘else’s actions drove her to it.