AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

[dramaisalifestyle]

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

Your SIL-to-be (there's still time...) is undoubtedly being completely racist here but also, if I were you, I would be absolutely incensed by the way in which she is making this outrageous request, saying she "won't tolerate" your children's natural curly hair.

Honestly, who the hell does she think she is? She's just an ordinary person who sounds quite unpleasant but has found someone to marry her all the same and is carrying on like she's royalty or something.

She sounds racist and just plain horrible tbh and, if I were you, I would be upset my brother was marrying someone like that.

I’d curl my whole family’s hair, just to be petty

@Goldengamer Some keep them neat with braids and beads , some wild and free , a good friend of mine who is white and her hubby is black , says her daughter won’t sit still long enough to have it tidy so it’s really just a frizzy bouncy fluff ball which actually suits her but if she was a bridesmaid/ flower girl, I would want it toned down a bit

You are looking at ‘neat’ through a white lens. If hair doesn’t comply with your white lens, you think it is ‘wild’ and ‘not tidy’. That’s racist. As is wanting natural hair, which happens to be a ‘frizzy bouncy fluff ball’ “toned down”. Racist as fuck.

I'd only give my son a man bun if he wanted a man bun! He gets major FOMO so if he sees everybody having cool hairstyles for the wedding he will probably want a hairstyle too 🤣

We all had different hair but we sat in row at the hair dresser and all walked out with similar smooth high buns with bows on front, and the same nail polish.
Stand your ground but I really don't think your new SIL is meaning to insult anyone

Really? The bride has not asked the white curtly-haired child to straighten her hair.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/63399563

You might want to suggest your brother reads this. I would suggest the SIL too but she’s probably too stupid to understand it (despite it being CBeebies)! Basically it confirms that for a school, banning certain hairstyles or calling them things like “exotic” can constitute discrimination under the Equality Act.

(And yes I know the bride isn’t a public authority but it’s the principle of the issue that this illustrates).

Absolutely!
And starting off saying "lots of my friends are mixed race"...

Honestly, it's shameful.

My son has major FOMO, he will probably want a man bum because he wants his hair to have a different hair style like everybody else lol.

She can get in the sea. That is outrageous behaviour.

she wants something a bit less 'wild' for the photos

’Wild’???

But if she's asking you to damage a small child's hair by straightening it, it's safe to say she doesn't know much about mixed hairstyles. It might have been better for you to take the lead on this one.

It’s good that your husband is furious.
What will she ask for next, that you apply light foundation to make them look like the rest of the family ?!
Im very protective of my child’s dignity and ensure that I am raising a child who loves themselves and will not allow a racist person near them.
Has She made any comments in the past about your children’s appearance?
If these are her views I wouldnt trust her around my kids ever because she is likely to make “jokes” or racist comments and not see any harm.
I don’t think you should bother going back and forth with her because she likely won’t understand what she did- typical of racist- will minimise and will think you are exaggerating.

Keep your children away from her and people who think like her.

Wtf! Tell her its rude for her to try to dictate how you do your childrens hair! I also have mixed race children and I would never straighten their hair especially not to please someone else! Their hsir is beautiful and I think she is actually being racist and I wouldn't attend her wedding.

The casual racism on this thread and clear lack of understanding of the issue is shocking, it really is!

Well, to quote from Meghan Markle’s Oprah interview, “there’s ‘rude’ and there’s ‘racist.’”

OMG, what a vile person she is🤬
I think I would stop replying to her I would also not go to the wedding. If I ever had the misfortune to see her again I would tell her I can't tolerate her hair and that she should shave it off immediately.

I actually think the majority here understand the issue, and racists thankfully are the minority for once.

This is plain and simple racism. I would say ‘i wouldn’t straighten my child’s Afro hair anymore than I would try to lighten their skin tone for a wedding.’

"Ok no worries"

Would be my reply.

Then obviously ignore the crazy and see if she makes a twat of herself on the day.

On the off chance that this isn't fake please don't do this for so many reasons. I have an 8YO caucasian daughter with very curly hair so I fully understand your predicament. I exhaust myself teaching her to love her curls and teaching her to take care of her curls and letting her know that I think they're genuinely stunning. I would not be letting some bridezilla shit all over that. It's sending a not even subtle message to these kids that straight hair is preferable. I would have thought for your kids it has strong cultural implications too so even more important. If my dd asks me to straighten her hair then sure I'll help her do it. She's bound to be curious and want to experiment as she gets older. However no way would be allowing such young kids to be told that their natural hair isn't beautiful enough. Fuck right off with that idea

Yes what if someone with naturally straight hair styles their hair curly for the wedding? Will that also not be tolerated or is it just mixed race people with naturally curly hair she objects to?!

That's disgusting. She may not be aware that her request is racist but it is, and you should tell her how inappropriate that is.

When someone shows you who they are ….

take note op I’m glad you are not even considering entertaining her awful demands

Why does straightening = tidy? So curly or afro hair doesn't look tidy?

I think she would either have to be mentally challenged/living on Mars or both the above to be allowed to claim that she 'doesn't realise that this is racist' tbh