AIBU for refusing to straighten my kids hair for my brothers wedding?

[dramaisalifestyle]

Next week is my brother's wedding. We are all super excited to welcome my sister-in-law to the family. Obviously this wedding has been planned for months now and up until yesterday I was under the assumption that my kids hairstyle during the wedding didn't really matter.

I have two DC (8 year old daughter, 4 year old son). They are half black, half white. I'm white, as is my extended family. My kids have really curly hair, my daughter has 4A hair and my son has 4B hair.

Yesterday my kids re-tried their outfits for the wedding, just to make sure the outfits still fit. My SIL asked for confirmation, so I sent her a text and I said that the kids outfits still fit. That's when she sent me a text in response asking me if I can straighten my daughters hair for the wedding, and if possible can I straighten my sons hair aswell. Now I've never straightened my kids hair in order to avoid heat damage, they are way too young to understand the damage that straightening their hair can cause. So I told my SIL that I'm not comfortable straightening their hair, but if she has any hairstyles in mind that would work for curly hair, just let me know.

She didn't respond for like 30 minutes. And then when she did respond she said that she thinks it's quite rude for me to try and dictate her wedding. And that she expects their hair to be straight on her wedding day. She said she won't tolerate their hair not being straight for the wedding.

I also got a text from my DM telling me to keep the peace and to just straighten their hair for this one occasion. However, I'm still reusing to straighten their hair, it's really unhealthy for their hair especially when they are too young to understand.

AIBU?

Amongst other things I’d be taking a huge step back op. You can’t have this around your darling children. They deserve better, than listening to this low level racism.

I would message back saying that your final comment on this is that they will not be attending with straightened hair.

Put the ball in her court, but for me that would have soured the relationship now anyway, you do not speak to anybody like that, who does she think she is?

Are the children excited to go to the wedding, OP? (I'm guessing they might be, as they both have a role in the ceremony.)

It's easy to say just don't go, and that might end up being the best option if bride continues being so flat out unreasonable, but it's harder if kids are looking forward to it. And it's never going to be easy to miss your brother's wedding.

MNHQ can you trace @OrianaK and block them?
They are obviously not aware racism is a criminal offence in the UK

So I hear you're a racist now, SIL?

If your sister's kids are white, you know all you need to know.

It looks neat in it's natural state. It's just not like white people's hair.

Excellent

She is the rude one and low key racist imo

I'm caucasian and my kids are caucasian.
There is no way i would heat straighteners my children's hair.

I'd be low drama but I'd explain their hair wont be straightened (send a few links about how it damages their hair) and if my kids physical appearance is problematic to their wedding aesthetic it's no problem they can stay at home.

Def find out if niece is being given the same mandate.

If she is
Get your DSis to decline - There is power in numbers in saying no.

If not,
Say what you see and tell SIL this is racism and its not okay. Your children dont need straight hair to look "acceptable"

I've read some crazy things on here but this takes the biscuit! I'd tell SIL to stick her wedding where the sun don't shine!

You have to report one of their posts to get the attention of mnhq

@OrianaK , you are making yourself look very silly.

https://antiracistcumbria.org/black-hair-pride-and-prejudice/

Let us know how your sister tackles it and maybe ask her to send the racist this link. If your sil to be is like this now, what will she be like when she's fully ensconced in your family? I suspect there will be more instances of sidelining your kids especially if she has children. You need to nip this one in the bud now before she escalates her behaviour.

Your SIL to be sounds like an effing nightmare. It’s not down to her to dictate how your children style their hair. She is clearly racist and I would end up falling out with her big time over this. It’s not ok for anyone to control anyone, let alone someone else’s children. I’m sorry you and your children have been subjected to this kind of nonsense from the newbie joining the family. Your brother needs to open his eyes to what he is marrying. You are perfectly reasonable to stand your ground. Absolutely horrendous situation. I hope she wakes up to how ridiculous she is being and apologises to you soon.

Ask if she wants them to lighten their skin too. Ugh, she is appalling. How dare she do this and make out you are dictating things 🤯

This post can't be real, if it tell them to fuck off. I don't believe this happened

Why should the Op have to
What exactky is wrong in the ops children having natural hair?

As a white mother to mixed heritage children there is no way I would do this. Definitely something underlying here- can you message and ask her to explain why? I think I would want to see it in black and white.

Happily @OrianaK's racist posts are being deleted.

I wouldn’t even straighten my white daughter’s curly hair if someone requested it. And she doesn’t have to deal with the racism around black and mixed race hair. I think this is such a racist request, even if your SIL isn’t aware she is being racist.

Please stick to your guns and don’t let your children grow up thinking there is something wrong with their natural appearance that needs to be changed.

why lie?

I would ask her if she also wants me to bleach their skin a bit?

Usually it's people who hit the other button by mistake and don't realise they can change their vote.

nothing wrong at all but plaits are Afro too

As your son is carrying a sign I suggest you edit it to read: Black lives and hairstyles matter.

In all seriousness the bride to be takes the Bridezilla crown.

Fucking fuming on your behalf OP

I think MN have removed the posts.

I've been truly heartned by how supportive people have been.