To be unreasonably upset with new bf

[Cordialpuneapples]

So new bf (50) knows I won’t tolerate gratuitous contact with an ex gf or partner unless for very good reason.
It’s a ‘me’ issue. He’s never given me reason to think he’s been unfaithful , indeed he is an amazing bf of five months.
Again, the issue is mine due to past trust issues in my life.
I have a strong ill g that he may have been in contact with his ex gf to collect some stuff that he needs but he hasn’t actually
Told me this as I’ve always said it’s a dealbreaker for me unless it’s necessary contact
She has this stuff , he needs it and can’t get it anywhere else . He could live without it but really needs and wants it.
AIBU here to finish things if he has indeed made contact with her, met her and collected these items?
all else is wonderful .. in fact it’s been a wonderful few months.
He broke up with her for unreasonable behaviour with other men.
ive had lots of therapy but was badly burnt by my exh. I feel triggered.
Thanks.

Pretty much everyone is.

Poor man, do you plan to keep him a prisoner in the house and only allow him out if you are with him? Or tag him and watch where he goes and time how long he is there for?

You’re nuts mate.

So, it makes no difference. It's stuff he wants and needs, he is allowed to get it from her.

You are mad if you want to break up over something so petty, but if you do in the long run it is probably better for him to be set free to find someone who won't be so controlling. Or maybe he will dump you first.

Hurt people hurt people..

I think you need to be single forever. You sound awful. I feel really sorry for your boyfriend.

You’d hate me, I work with my ex and we have a cup of tea every single day together. He still buys me the multipack of Twirls to enjoy with my cup and guess what? My husband couldn’t give one single fuck.

Also, I similarly couldn’t care less if DH spoke to/socialised/worked with his exs.

Your boyfriend will leave you anyway with your mad behaviour so I’d suggest bowing out with dignity now.

You need to dump him. Set him free from your insecurities.

Depends on how old you are.

This is so controlling. Poor man.

Soon you will be the Crazy Ex.

You sound really controlling. Spare him your issues and dump him.

I once had a boyfriend like you. Insanely jealous and controlling. He didn’t like me having male friends, let alone contact with exes. I quickly dumped him, because the idea of letting some guy control me was laughable and absurd. Life’s too short!

Loopy loony tunes I’m afraid. Dump the poor chap and get some therapy before you inflict this on someone else.

Good to read this, glad you've realised it's controlling batshit behaviour. Assume you're going to let this go now? Maybe time to get some help.

If he has collected his stuff, he should have told you. If he avoided telling you, it's possibly an act of deceit given how triggered by this you clearly are.

Obvs he might have good reason because he knows he's not going any there with his ex again, but still he should have told you.

I don't know NT think being clear with what triggers you is controlling. It's being clear.

I do think you should consider if it's deceit and if you can forgive me ve this one occassion. But you need to be certain he has done it ne this before taking action.

You really need to get some help with the issues you’re carrying. It’s not normal. Nobody is going to want to be with someone that is like this.

Probably best for both of you if you end it.
You don’t deserve to feel turmoil over situations that could be resolved with therapy and he doesn’t deserve to have his life controlled because of your baggage.

Yes please do break up with him....for his sake, not yours. Sorry, "previously burned" or not (who hasn't been?) this is completely ridiculous. He's literally done nothing wrong here.

He needs to run and you need to see help. Thats controlling behaviour and not healthy, especially for you

Doesnt sound like youre ready for a relationship. Best to end it.

What the actual fuck?!? How about you try and keep your issues as your issues and don’t inflict them on other people.

Your post sounds almost boastful about how you want control over what he is allowed to do, like you actually believe you are in the right here. Very very weird.

You can set whatever boundaries you want- and I don't think it's unreasonable to not wanting your bf to stay in touch with his ex unless children are involved OR there are practical reasons. I think his reason is perfectly valid for a one time contact in order to get the stuff. But then that's it. IF he agrees to it ofcourse.

The problem with such dictates is they open the door for people to hide things from you, thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, that's an unreasonable dealbreaker writ large. What concerns me though is you haven't processed past betrayals. You are literally punishing the present person for your past.

Honestly I don't think you're in a good enough place to be dating anyone. Odd
and controlling behaviour and honestly I'd tell him to run a mile.

You are being just as controlling as men are accused of being and there is never any justification for controlling another person

You need to stop relationships if you can't handle them

How long ago was your previous bad relationship? You made need some more time to heal to avoid bringing that pain and trauma into a new relationship.

Let the poor man pick up his lego/rubix cube/pokemon cards whatever it is and try to seek some therapy or at least some good self help books.