Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

He has no respect for you or your possessions. Bin him. Nobody should tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Good. Get your key back before he goes, and if he won't give it back, get the locks changed.

It doesn't matter if he remembers or not. If he cared about you, he wouldn't still be getting drunk and doing this.

You deserve so much better. And you're much better off being single than putting up with this shit.

You say you're giving him an hour to leave - (why an hour???) but I have a horrible feeling you will have him back again and again @Heatwavefry and it's genuinely very sad. I have known women put up with men like this for many years, because he's always sooooooooo sorry after he's been a dick - AGAIN!

As I said, these men don't change.

All the best OP, but I do believe that you will have him back again, and again, and again, and he will ruin your life. Trust me.......

100% this OP! I thought my husband would grow out of this behaviour. Then suddenly I was 40 and telling him to clean up shit from where he’d missed the toilet while blackout drunk.

These men end up massively resenting you for what they see as spoiling their fun/ not wanting them to have a good time.

It should be obvious by now if it’s urine or not. Stale, beer-fuelled, male piss will stink. Hopefully you’ll dump him either way, but knowing what the stain is might help in cleaning it properly, if the sofa can be salvaged.

Be warned OP, I behaved like this when I was his age. I was great fun on a night out and in private I was ruining my relationships and hating myself.

It took me over 15 years to stop drinking, stop abusing people around me and start feeling happy. I had many phases on the way; having a dry month every year, not drinking after 11pm etc but they never lasted.

I had a drink problem and I didn't want to admit it, my whole life was built around my party girl image.

I think you should leave him and find someone you don't need to project manage.

If you have kids, you'll be dealing with enough bodily secretions without a grown fucking man adding to them just because he's pissed and randy.

It’s not urine. I’ve just about managed to clean the sofa - he had a half arsed attempt first.

Getting hammered with friends once a month, is not a redeeming character trait. Would he stop this behaviour if you were to move in together, maybe get married, maybe have children?

Asking you to “sort him out”, did he actually use those words?

And then “sorting” himself out on your sofa. Yuk, yuk, yuk! Who cares if he is mortified. @Heatwavefry, you are mortified!

Will he go out next month, get hammered,
black out again and situation on repeat?

Relationship is done he obviously can't handle his drink

Ewwww make him buy a new couch then dump him - that’s so gross

And even worse that he didn’t put in effort to clean it

You sound like a lovely person.

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A YEAR???
Never ever EVER allow a man to come back to your place after a night out that YOU were not a part of, the absolute CFery of it, you have already taught him that you will accept increasingly more disrespect, chuck this one back and start again.

He’s only grovelling and sorry because you’ve kicked off and want him out. If you’d done softly softly he’d have told you it was your fault and don’t do it again.

You’re more the generous giving him an hour, but stick to it: do not show a shred of weakness because he’ll exploit it.

At 31 he is old enough to know how to behave. This isn’t youthful folly. Send him to the friend who thinks it’s funny.

Rotten!! No coming back from that - he sounds disgusting.

That post was nothing to do with your situation, it was just someone who got up this morning and decided to pick on someone on MN.

@bluebeck, what’s up!

Do you want kids at any point OP? If so definitely don’t waste the next few years on this loser. The last thing you want is to be tied to him for 18 years minimum, and to choose this areshole as the father of your children.

I really am 😇

Dirty pig

A friend of mine put up with this sort of stuff from her 'D'H for years. We didn't know because she never told anyone.
She had 4 DCs
He regularly came home so drunk he was getting disorientated and peeing in the bedroom wardrobe or kitchen/hall cupboard.
Why she put up with it for so long we don't know, but he earned loads of money and we think that could have been a factor.
He eventually died aged 45 of an alcohol-related illness.

OP, do NOT marry this man, move him in or have children with him. He has a serious alcohol problem that you can't fix.
Raise the bar and get rid of him.

Let me guess - he has a child with a previous partner - who treated him terribly.

I’m so sorry to say this, but my gut feeling is that he’s more concerned about losing his place to drunkenly crash than he is about losing you

Throw this one back, you can do better x

This before you are living together! It won’t get better if you do. If you want a life with a selfish, entitled drunken wanker who disrupts your sleep and peace of mind crack on. If you’re planning on having DC add them to the mix, when you’re stuck at home while he’s out carousing.

If you don’t then get rid. Enjoy your Friday nights again

You’re right. I didn’t consider that. I apologise.

My intention wasn’t to be judgmental, I just want women to kick out useless men when they’re making their life a misery. But I do realise I failed to consider a few things here.

Best of luck and lots of strength to the OP.