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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

423 replies

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 08:13

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · Yesterday 10:30

Change locks. He doesnt get a key anymore. He wants to be a druken twat then he can do it as his house. Suprosed u didn't tell.him this first time he did it

Sereine · Yesterday 10:31

I'm hoping OP is quiet because she is busy supervising his cleaning and packing his stuff up in order to throw him out.

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · Yesterday 10:32

I don't understand why someone needs to ask if they're overreacting to this.

He'd be gone. And I don't just mean from my flat but my entire life.

toottoot3 · Yesterday 10:33

I suppose he could be mortified and still throughly clean the couch? With proper care and cleaning materials not just rub it with a cushion? He's been pretty disrespectful but it's how he deals with it today. Is it your fault cause you didn't "help" him? Is he laughing it off and no thought to properly clean (not you doing it later cause he doesn't care to do a good job)
If your made to feel anything but apologied too your getting a clear picture how your going to get treated forever. Maybe let him get taxis home for a bit before he gains free bed and access to your house when in such a state

Duvetdayneeded · Yesterday 10:33

Have some standards and dump him and tell your friend who thinks it is funny that she’s a stupid twat.

Chewbecca · Yesterday 10:35

You're not overreacting, no.

But I would simply say he has to go back to his own place when he's been on a big night out.

Whether you, long term, want to put up with the big nights out or not is something only you can say. I know when I was 30ish, it wasn't unusual for me to get totally drunk and misbehave somewhat so it's not a massive issue for me but I totally understand it is for others who don't also enjoy this occasionally!

WhistPie · Yesterday 10:35

You must be bloody desperate if you're considering staying with him.

Raise your standards out of the gutter.

NameChangeAgain48 · Yesterday 10:38

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 08:25

31, we had discussed living with each other in the future.

Fuck that

Vomit Barf GIF
OneNewLeader · Yesterday 10:39

Your ex DP did this.

Blanketyblank04 · Yesterday 10:39

OMG you actually had to ask us!!? That is disgusting

MNLurker1345 · Yesterday 10:39

Has he gone yet? Eject this oaf from your house and your life, now!

I once saw a response on MN about a similarly disgusting man, that summed it up, the PP wrote “he is a stinking, dirty, disgusting pig”. When you look at it from that perspective, it’s time to dump!

Over40Overdating · Yesterday 10:40

@flobo3 your lack of self awareness and hypocrisy is hilarious!

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 10:41

He hasn’t left yet, he is grovelling and claims he had a memory black out and doesn’t remember coming home or what happened in the night. I’ve told him he has an hour to leave.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · Yesterday 10:43

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 10:41

He hasn’t left yet, he is grovelling and claims he had a memory black out and doesn’t remember coming home or what happened in the night. I’ve told him he has an hour to leave.

...and not come back ? Have you taken your key back ?

19lottie82 · Yesterday 10:43

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 10:41

He hasn’t left yet, he is grovelling and claims he had a memory black out and doesn’t remember coming home or what happened in the night. I’ve told him he has an hour to leave.

An hour? Why? Just tell him to get out NOW!

please stand firm on this OP. Do you really want this to be your future? There are plenty of better men out there!

Howmanycatsistoomany · Yesterday 10:44

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 10:41

He hasn’t left yet, he is grovelling and claims he had a memory black out and doesn’t remember coming home or what happened in the night. I’ve told him he has an hour to leave.

Generous. I'd have kicked him out on his arse last night.

Sweetlikechoca · Yesterday 10:45

YANBU I would want him gone and probably wouldn't let him return again! Sorry this happened.

PuzzledWatermelon · Yesterday 10:46

OP - how did he get into your house? Does he have a front door key? If you choose to stay with him, take the key off him or tell him he is not allowed to stay at yours after his night out with mates. I wouldn’t put up with that. I’ve been with my DH for 17 years and he’s never behaved in that way, and most certainly has never asked me to “see to him” - because he isn’t a child!
Your “partner” sounds delightful 😒
Edit to add - urgh!! I’ve just realised what you mean by “sorted himself out” - did he have a w**k on your settee?? That’s disgusting and I would be seriously questioning whether I want to live like that for the rest of my life. Good luck OP, I hope you are ok.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 10:50

No. Just no.
Don't let him have any keys.
And to me, the relationship would be waning big time - sort him out? Zero romance and shows what he thinks of you tbh. I'd probably buy him a blow up doll and send him packing!

PetulaGordeno · Yesterday 10:50

At 31 if you continue this and live with him, expect more of the same. These threads are full of women who have settled for a man like this.
Imagine having a couple of kids and dealing with him in this state? It’s revolting.
Nobody should be that desperate for love that they would continue with this.
It will only get worse.

PetulaGordeno · Yesterday 10:51

Howmanycatsistoomany · Yesterday 10:44

Generous. I'd have kicked him out on his arse last night.

What does he need an hour for?!!!!

AbzMoz · Yesterday 10:51

Absolutely disgusting. Massive ick on so many counts.

in vino veritas - he’s happy to abuse your home, expects you to ‘sort him out’ and will continue prioritise getting smashed with his mates as you’ve given him a convenient doss house.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 10:52

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 10:41

He hasn’t left yet, he is grovelling and claims he had a memory black out and doesn’t remember coming home or what happened in the night. I’ve told him he has an hour to leave.

I don't think it's the excuse he thinks it is. Nobody likes a literal wanker or someone who gets so blind drunk they have black outs.

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · Yesterday 10:53

Heatwavefry · Yesterday 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

Abusive men usually ARE mortified by their behaviour. Doesn't stop them doing it again. Depends whether you're resigned to this, and worse, being your future.

Hard to believe this isn't some kind of fake post, though sadly the police and social services would say otherwise.

Kimmers4334 · Yesterday 10:55

I hope he’s spending that hour cleaning the sofa??? How revolting, disrespectful, immature and generally vile