Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

For the love of God raise the bar OP! Your friend who thinks it's funny is either lying or has an even worse 'd'p. GET RID today.

If this had been a one off, he'd be in "last chance saloon" with me.

How can you tolerate that every month @Heatwavefry ? You deserve so much better.

Why would you want to? If you don't want to end the relationship - it will only get worst btw - then at least set some boundaries, such as he is not allowed to come to yours when he's drunk. Don't open the door if he does turn up. You are allowing this to continue by giving him access. What's the point in 'going ballistic' every time, unless you're getting hooked on the drama?

You don’t deserve it OP
get rid and have a peaceful life without the disgusting git

He’s vile and has no respect for you.

The only way to stop this from happening again is to respect yourself by getting rid.

If he's great the rest of the month and you don't want to end it then you stop him coming round after one of these sessions. Tell him he doesn't come to yours and lock him out.

If there are other problems and you're generally not happy, end it.

If you lock him out but he turns up anyway and makes a scene, call the police. Then end it because it shows he has even less respect for you than he currently seems to have.

Why are you so desperate?

Maybe i am breaking some mn code but just why?

Yuck. No thanks. Should have told him to get dressed and get out. Take the key if he has a spare. Change the locks too.

At the very least, I’d make it clear that he’s not allowed to come back to yours when he’s been drinking. Personally, I’d find a 31 year old man regularly going out and getting drunk to the point that he supposedly can’t remember, a complete turn off. He’s not 18!

At some point though OP will want to have a more permanent relationship. It’s no good telling him to go and be this drunk in his own home.
The fact is she’s seen who he is and who he is is absolutely appalling.
At 31 why waste precious time?

Too many red flags here OP. I’m afraid this will not improve the longer you stay together. I would be seriously considering ending the relationship. He has no respect for you or himself by the sounds of it.

You are unreasonable to even ask this question. He sounds vile. No one in their right mind would want to be with this creature.

Semen is such a persistent stain

I wouldn’t accept an 18 yr old getting home in that kind of state either to be honest.

More like gets drunk and has a cheeky tug. Absolutely vile though and I say this as a guy. 100% dump him OP!

Oh God. Run now.

I think OP probabaly has enough going on this morning without your 'observation' 🙄

Its less having the wank itself its a) asking his partner to “sort him out” ad if she were s sex worker and b) failing to clean up after himself.

It suggests a person with no concept that his partner has any independent identity and no respect for her.

Please tell us you've dumped this revolting specimen.

You deserve so much more. He won't change.

I can't understand why your friend thinks this is in any way funny, unless their partner is also this grim?

The waking you up to sort him out is vile.

Absolutely this! Its not the wank in and of itself, it's the utter disrespect of failing to clean up, getting semen everywhere and treating the OP like his personal hooker.

If it was urine, the same would apply: of course having a wee isn't the problem - having a wee on the sofa and not cleaning it up, is!

Utter disrespect for her, her time, her property and her home.

🤢 grim

Assuming you're asking a genuine question, and not just to kick the OP while shes going through a difficult situation, I'll break it down for you:

Usually it boils down to low self esteem, and not knowing your own worth.

Often the result of being brought up in a dysfunctional family system.

Its not desperation, its putting up with far too much for far too long, because that is what you have been brought up to do.

He doesn't respect you, I'm afraid. I think if he did, he wouldn't want you to witness him in such a drunken state, nor would he expect you to tolerate his behaviour whilst smashed.

Time to end it.

You're with a man with an alcohol problem and who doesn't respect you and your home. How do you think this will work out if you let such shitty behaviour slide? It's already becoming his new normal.

He got so drunk he came to your place and woke you up, expected you to have sex with him and when you didn't, he ejaculated on your sofa. He claims he was blackout drunk. Right there, you've got two giant red flags, he's got an alcohol issue and if you don't have sex on demand, he ruins something of yours.

I'd be done. I don't date men with alcohol or substance abuse issues, I grew up with those in the family and it's no way to live. The sofa destruction, just grotesque behaviour. What a disgusting man. I also don't date disrespectful men. This guy is bad news any way you look at it. Send him a bill for a new sofa and break up with him, he's an asshole any way you look at it.

Hi Op, what has he actually said this morning? Has he offered to have the sofa cleaned? I think this is a tricky one, many of us have been guilty of having a few too many drinks and saying/ doing things we wouldn't otherwise.
However its the pattern that's an issue. Interested to know how he views this, in the cold light of day. Minus the hangover. I think this would give insight as to how to move forward.