Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

Dump him and charge him for a new sofa, I would have sent the damaged sofa to his house. He can keep it as a reminder of his drunken performance.

Why do you want to be in a relationship with a neanderthal like that?

Just be thankful you don't live with this moron OP. He is easily dumped.
'Sort him out' WTA? Drunk or not that's grim.

One of your friends has standards and the other doesn't.

If you've an ounce of self respect tell him to fuck off. There are better men out there.

I was so disappointed to see you are in the stage of life where this might become a forever relationship. From experience I have to warn you that men don’t grow out of it. If they are behaving like this now, do not presume that when they settle down they will stop this behavior. I’ve been there and so have many others. This will be your life if you proceed with the relationship. If you want to be a parent someday, this will be the type of experience your children have.

You need better friends. If they think how your partner is behaving is 'funny' they are idiots. His behaviour is appalling, listen to the posters on here, many have been through a lot of shit - and especially shit with men who have been duds, idiots, arseholes, and cunts. Myself included.

I know a few women who have had men like yours, and have stuck with him, and they have had a miserable life, for some years, before they had the courage - and the sense to end it with him.

You are extremely foolish if you stay with this 'man' @Heatwavefry You KNOW it's wrong (how he is behaving!) and you KNOW you should not be tolerating it. You wouldn't have posted on here otherwise. Imagine if you have children with him, and he continues to behave like this. SHUDDER!

He won't change. Men like this don't. He's in his 30s now. He should have grown out of this 18-19 year old 'immature pisshead who can't control his drink' behaviour.

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God no sorry this would give me the ick and I’d have to get rid.
If not, he would be banned from coming to my place after he had been out drinking. Door locked and phone off next time!

Fucking rank.

I wouldn’t care if he’s mortified when he wakes, he’d be history. If you lived together, he’d get worse.

Not many, but being single is vastly better than being with someone described in the OP.

Nothing remotely funny about any of it! Dump him and the friend with the low bar.

Ah, OP is a regular poster then?

I know it takes living together partners multiple times to leave but these two don't even live together, except when he wants a doss house with benefits it seems.

Maybe she does have to ask.

Maybe she was brought up in an abusive family system, the fallout of which could be low self esteem and difficulty gauging what's 'normal'?

Or not, we dont know.

Maybe dont judge. She's come here for advice.

Exactly. It's much easier to dump a man when you're not married, not got kids together, don't live together. Why are you with person @Heatwavefry ? You don't need to stay with him!

Raise your bar PLEASE. You deserve better. As has been said, being in a good relationship is wonderful, and can be very fulfilling. And being single can be wonderful and very fulfilling.. Being in a bad relationship is WAY worse than being single.

What, exactly, are you getting out of this relationship?

It’s not funny, it’s disrespectful, immature and pathetic. I’d be telling him he isn’t staying again and if you don’t see an enormous change in his behaviour you’re finished.

My dad used to occasionally piss the bed after being too drunk to get up and go to the toilet. My mum put up with him for years and was only properly happy after he’d died!!!

I made it a rule to never be friends with anyone who views drinking to excess as a fun activity. It’s not and they’re delusional at best.

Dump him and find yourself a better friend too. The other friend is grand. 👌

@Heatwavefry I see one of your 2 friends said his behaviour is funny, I read it as both sorry. I think you need to give the one friend a wide berth who finds him funny!

Get rid. If it has cost you a new sofa, then it is a cheaper price (financially and emotionally) to pay than being a few years down the line, financially entwined and possibly with children. This behaviour is a bloody great red flag about his basic character.

bin him off. At the very least take away your key so he can't in.

Why are you putting up with this?

Do not contemplate living with and having children with this man. It will get infinitely worse and you’ll be on here in 10 years complaining he doesn’t do anything around the house and is still coming home pissed and wanking all over soft furnishings with children in the house and you’ll be trapped.

@KrazyKatty When I was young - under 25 - I also used to know women who were married for 45-50 years to a man like this, pissed as a fart half the time, groping her, groping any young female in striking distance, throwing up over everything, and pissing himself - and worse now and again. These women didn't have as many options in those days, and they stayed. When he died it was the happiest day of her life since the birth of her children and grandchildren. Women do have many options today! The OP doesn't even live with this guy, or have any ties to him. She needs to dump his repugnant ass!

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Revolting. Dump him. I’d say just don’t let him in, but actually it sounds like he has a drinking problem, which is why I’d be dumping him.

Your friend has an interesting sense of humour. It's not funny in reality. He's an idiot.

A short conversation?

A conversation that included the words and phrases.... 'No' and 'Hell freezing over'?

Disgusting. Are you sure that the "massive wet patch" isn't urine, perhaps in addition to anything else?

Take his door key off his keyring, wake him up and throw him out. Personally, I'd also be telling him that the relationship was over.

Certainly don't move in with him or get married to him unless you want to spend your life cleaning up after this sort of shit.