Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

Urgh he’s vile and it sounds like he’s tried to passive aggressively blame you for needing to have a wank on your sofa and make a mess. Please get rid OP.

Interesting comment by Johnson85. To me anything below respect for me or my property is a definite deal breaker. Pee, poop, or ejaculation on my sofa after regular nights out isn’t respect it’s showing exactly how he sees her. I don’t believe we’re aggressive in not accepting that kind of behaviour, just showing a bit of self respect. Sorry it that’s something Johnson doesn’t feel women are entitled to.

JFC what have I read!

Up to you whether you continue to see him after this, but no way I’d be sharing a living space ever with him, ever. If he treats your house like it, imagine what he’d do to a house you both own!
It’s vile, it’s not funny or silly or forgetful, it’s rank.

I said nothing about what women are or aren't entitled to. Your boundaries sound totally reasonable, and like I said if you state thisllese boundaries and the man in your life ignores them you'd have every right to feel aggrieved.

But that's different to a drunk guy having a wank on a sofa and being too drunk to clean up, once. In that case, maybe relax a little, communicate like an adult and express your disappointment and say you expect better in future. People calling for a breakup and saying he is 'vile' and the like are over reacting to a single rather grotty indiscretion. Each to their own I suppose, but I also suppose that most of the women stating opinions like that would be single of they really knew what men are like...

where to start with this one?? Whats your thoughts now op? One more chance or blocked and deleted?

i was with a guy like this. Except silly me i bought a house, had kids and got married thinking - he will change. He wont / he didnt. I also had friends who excused his drinking behaviour including his parents! Every time i tried to ask for some kind of help, this is not right etc, i just got well thats who he is. He likes a drink. Hes always been a big drinker. Its what men do. Hes worked all week, hes allowed to go to the pub etc etc. all minimising the issue. Mumsnet opened my eyes to this and i realised i wasnt going mad! Im one year now divorced. Dont make my mistakes! Hes a piss head by the sounds of it. Ew wa nking all over your sofa? Thats truely disgusting. Your sofa will smell spunky for the next few weeks 😂

Err unreasonable , no. Absolutely settling for a waster....yes!!! Get rid ..dont let him come round to you for sex after hes got pissed..uurghh

Hmm, I think the writer of this thread mentioned a year long trend of this behaviour. You don’t need to actively state what you believe women are entitled to, however your view that this is ok illustrates what that is. I do relax, happily, on my own clean sofa, in my nice quiet house, after a full night’s sleep. Yep, I’m, happily single, and if this is, as you say what men are like, I’ll be staying that way.

Makes me wonder if some people don't realise that not all sofas can even be washed. Many don't have removable covers and the fabric would get a water stain or faded patch on it if you tried to sponge it down. Spilling something on a sofa would, in a lot of cases, totally ruin the sofa leaving a permanent stain, even if you got the original mess out. Sofas are expensive so it's not something-and-nothing for one to be ruined. Even if the sofa is cheap, that usually means it's owned by someone who doesn't earn much, so proportionally it's the same. I kinda wanna do a survey now of who happily has a wankstained sofa in their living room and then break it down into a proportion of single men and single women and couples, then break it down into people whose homes are filthy versus those whose are basically clean.

Men who think this kind of thing is no big deal are also probably not the ones left to clear it up. I'll bet they wouldn't find it so "it's ok, shrug" if it was their girlfriend's piss they were having to mop off their own sofa for example, especially if she'd done it just because she could, or if it was their mates jizz after he stayed over and DGAF about their furniture or clearing up after himself.

The biggest problem is being happy to make someone else's life harder (whatever form that takes) and just not caring about that. She Divorced Me Because I Left A Glass Beside The Sink should be compulsory reading for all young people before they start dating.

Sorry should have said, this one’s in answer to the post by the delightful Johnson85.

Dump him . He’s vile and will only get worse

Why are women ruining their own peace and sanity over “men” like this? I don’t understand… the fact this has apparently happened more than once is very disturbing. As this is a parenting app, I am assuming you have children. I really hope they are not in the home when he is doing this….

Hence why there’s a male loneliness epidemic and statistically women are a far happier single and men are happier when married and have a maid and a sex slave on top. Men can’t and won’t be respectful and women do not need to put up with it anymore. It’s really that simple.

I think you need to really think about what you want from a relationship. What do you get from it?

It would be the end of the road for me. It’s totally disrespectful. He should pay for a deep clean and be grovelling. Not minimising.

ew.

Yup.

The thunderclap from my vulva slamming shut would be heard around the world.

I’d never get over the ick.

time to say bye bye OP

I would rather be single than be with a man so disrespectful. You are as vile as the OP 's ex boyfriend.

I would dump him but if you don't want to i would make it a rule that he never goes to yours after being out with his mates, however convenient it is for him. He can 'sort himself out' at home.

What a bizarre take... Enjoy single life, I suppose? Congrats on not liking men? Wildly off topic, of course, but the male loneliness epidemic has everything to do with the male tendency to eschew emotional depth and vulnerability in their platonic relationships and nearly nothing to do with jizzing on the sofa.

For the majority of women who DO like men and want to coexist with them like healthy adults, I simply suggest some occasional leeway in behaviour you find sub optimal may make the relationship run more smoothly. As almost certainly you do things he finds odd, annoying, etc etc.

I didn't see what that poster wrote, @Heatwavefry, but you really can't expect answers in the majority other than that your DP is an unpleasant man and at least one of your 'friends' is a fuckwit.

Please extricate yourself from this man. He'll be the kind of bloke who makes a mess and owes you money, to quote a very sensible pal of mine.

Bloody hell. In otherwords, shut your mouth woman, let men do as they want and stop 'nagging'.

An alternate way of looking like this is that, yes, it's totally understandable that you're single if you are going to want to dump someone for a single drunken mistake that impacts nothing other than mild hygeine issues.

If you want to be single, all good. If you or anyone else wants to enjoy a relationship (ie, the overwhelming majority) then just worth noting they will have more success with a more tolerant, more light approach to life.

Not as thankful as I am not having to put up with that.

What is it about woman having boundaries that upsets you so much? You sound almost panicked.

The 'visual' on this made me smile. Like rubbing a puppy's nose in their 'mess' (which of course one doesn't really do). "Bad man, BAD MAN, no no no!! Now, you get outside!!!".